1
00:00:01,140 --> 00:00:02,348
<i>Hello.</i>

2
00:00:02,473 --> 00:00:04,140
Hey, Rob.
Steve.

3
00:00:04,265 --> 00:00:05,348
<i>Oh, hiya.
How are you?</i>

4
00:00:05,473 --> 00:00:06,598
Good.
Good.

5
00:00:06,682 --> 00:00:10,265
Uh... listen,
are you free next week

6
00:00:10,348 --> 00:00:11,432
to go away?

7
00:00:11,515 --> 00:00:13,098
<i>Where?</i>

8
00:00:13,223 --> 00:00:15,140
It's kind of a tour,
tour of the North,

9
00:00:15,223 --> 00:00:17,307
restaurant tour,
really good restaurants.

10
00:00:17,432 --> 00:00:19,432
<i>Right.
Why me?</i>

11
00:00:19,557 --> 00:00:22,390
Well, Mischa is unavailable.

12
00:00:22,473 --> 00:00:24,182
You've met Mischa, haven't you?

13
00:00:24,307 --> 00:00:26,473
<i>Uh, is she your assistant?</i>

14
00:00:26,598 --> 00:00:28,140
No, that's Emma.

15
00:00:28,265 --> 00:00:29,932
No.
No, Mischa's my girlfriend.

16
00:00:30,057 --> 00:00:32,057
<i>Oh, yeah, yeah,
the Australian girl.</i>

17
00:00:32,140 --> 00:00:34,223
No. God, no.
That was ages ago. No.

18
00:00:34,307 --> 00:00:35,640
Anyway, it doesn't matter.

19
00:00:35,765 --> 00:00:38,640
Mischa can't come,
and I don't want to go alone.

20
00:00:38,765 --> 00:00:42,932
I've asked other people,
but they're all too busy,

21
00:00:43,057 --> 00:00:45,473
so, you know,
do you want to come?

22
00:00:45,598 --> 00:00:47,848
<i>Uh... well, don't know, really.</i>

23
00:00:47,973 --> 00:00:49,307
<i>I'd have to ask Sally.</i>

24
00:00:49,390 --> 00:00:51,098
It's a job.

25
00:00:51,223 --> 00:00:52,890
I'm not asking you
to go on holiday with me

26
00:00:52,973 --> 00:00:54,098
or anything weird.

27
00:00:54,182 --> 00:00:55,432
<i>It's for The Observer Magazine.</i>

28
00:00:55,557 --> 00:00:56,640
<i>Right.</i>

29
00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:58,140
They're gonna pay
for everything,

30
00:00:58,265 --> 00:01:02,140
and there's a small fee,
which I'll split with you 60-40.

31
00:01:02,265 --> 00:01:03,932
<i>When is it?</i>

32
00:01:04,057 --> 00:01:04,973
Next Monday.

33
00:01:05,057 --> 00:01:06,807
<i>Oh.</i>

34
00:01:17,848 --> 00:01:20,307
Rob, Steve's here.

35
00:01:26,723 --> 00:01:28,432
- All right?
- Hey, yeah.

36
00:01:28,515 --> 00:01:29,432
- Hi, Steve.
- We're off.

37
00:01:29,515 --> 00:01:30,765
Hello. Hi.

38
00:01:30,890 --> 00:01:32,682
Ah, you know Sally and Chloe.

39
00:01:32,807 --> 00:01:34,390
- Yeah, yes. Hi. Hello. Hi.
- Nice to see you.

40
00:01:34,473 --> 00:01:35,598
How are you?

41
00:01:35,682 --> 00:01:36,598
Very good.

42
00:01:36,682 --> 00:01:37,807
- Nice to see you.
- Hello.

43
00:01:37,932 --> 00:01:39,932
What is that?

44
00:01:40,015 --> 00:01:42,265
This, just pickax handles.

45
00:01:43,390 --> 00:01:44,557
- Seriously?
- Climbing gear.

46
00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:46,223
- Yeah, just in case we...
- We're climbing?

47
00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:47,723
Got you a set of crampons too.

48
00:01:47,807 --> 00:01:48,765
I'll ring you, okay?

49
00:01:48,848 --> 00:01:51,390
Oh, yes, please do.
I love you.

50
00:01:53,140 --> 00:01:54,932
Look after mummy.
Give me a kiss.

51
00:01:55,057 --> 00:01:55,973
Have fun.

52
00:01:56,057 --> 00:01:57,390
Give him a kiss.

53
00:01:57,473 --> 00:02:01,265
If you haven't heard
anything from me in five days,

54
00:02:01,348 --> 00:02:02,640
alert the authorities.

55
00:02:02,765 --> 00:02:04,432
I'll send out a search party.
Drive safely.

56
00:02:04,515 --> 00:02:05,682
- Okeydoke.
- Bye-bye.

57
00:02:05,807 --> 00:02:07,640
- Have a good time.
- Give a little wave to you.

58
00:02:07,765 --> 00:02:09,557
I give a little wave to you.

59
00:02:09,640 --> 00:02:10,765
No?

60
00:02:10,848 --> 00:02:12,890
I'm gonna give
another little wave to you.

61
00:02:12,973 --> 00:02:15,265
- Oh, I'm going. Bye-bye.
- Bye. Bye.

62
00:02:15,390 --> 00:02:16,307
Bye-bye.

63
00:02:16,390 --> 00:02:17,973
Can you say good-bye to Dad?

64
00:02:18,098 --> 00:02:19,848
Say good-bye.
Are you gonna wave?

65
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:25,140
I thought we'd go M1, M6,
come off at junction 31,

66
00:02:25,455 --> 00:02:28,257
and there's a short drive

67
00:02:28,504 --> 00:02:32,440
on the A59 to Clitheroe.

68
00:02:32,475 --> 00:02:36,265
From there, it's a very short
hop to Whitewell.

69
00:02:36,348 --> 00:02:37,598
And how long will that take?

70
00:02:37,723 --> 00:02:38,932
- About four hours.
- Four hours?

71
00:02:39,015 --> 00:02:40,098
That's not very much.

72
00:02:40,182 --> 00:02:42,140
Why aren't we using sat nav?

73
00:02:42,223 --> 00:02:43,182
I've always liked maps.

74
00:02:43,307 --> 00:02:44,640
When we would go
on holiday as kids,

75
00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:46,640
my dad would plan the route,
you know,

76
00:02:46,765 --> 00:02:48,932
and show us on the map
what the route was,

77
00:02:49,015 --> 00:02:50,223
and we'd all follow it,
you know?

78
00:02:50,307 --> 00:02:51,390
It was great.

79
00:02:51,473 --> 00:02:53,265
The good news is,
I've found the M1.

80
00:02:53,348 --> 00:02:54,807
Ah.

81
00:02:54,932 --> 00:02:57,640
I wouldn't have had you down
as having a four-wheel drive.

82
00:02:57,765 --> 00:02:58,640
It's not mine.

83
00:02:58,765 --> 00:03:00,765
Mischa thought it would be good.

84
00:03:00,890 --> 00:03:02,890
She thought it would be useful
in the Lake District,

85
00:03:02,973 --> 00:03:04,598
the Yorkshire Dales.

86
00:03:04,682 --> 00:03:06,557
You know, it's not
like down south, Rob.

87
00:03:06,640 --> 00:03:08,932
There's a lot
of bumpy roads up there.

88
00:03:10,932 --> 00:03:12,807
Where... why isn't she here?

89
00:03:12,932 --> 00:03:15,640
'Cause she's...
she had to go back to America.

90
00:03:15,765 --> 00:03:17,098
Oh, dear.

91
00:03:17,182 --> 00:03:18,765
Have you... you haven't separated?

92
00:03:18,848 --> 00:03:21,140
It's in limbo, you know?
It's in limbo.

93
00:03:21,265 --> 00:03:22,598
So is it all over?

94
00:03:22,682 --> 00:03:23,807
No. I don't know.
I don't know.

95
00:03:23,932 --> 00:03:25,307
It's just... it's all...

96
00:03:25,390 --> 00:03:27,807
Well, let's go here.
Let's get some breakfast here.

97
00:03:27,890 --> 00:03:31,182
Ah, oh,
no, let's not.

98
00:03:31,307 --> 00:03:34,265
I've been up since
half past 5:00 with Chloe,

99
00:03:34,390 --> 00:03:35,807
and I've not eaten
a single thing.

100
00:03:35,890 --> 00:03:37,015
Really?

101
00:03:37,140 --> 00:03:38,098
You could write about it.

102
00:03:38,223 --> 00:03:39,598
Why don't you
review the food and say,

103
00:03:39,682 --> 00:03:42,140
"I'm staring off by talking
about what real people eat"?

104
00:03:42,265 --> 00:03:43,848
No, that's been done.

105
00:03:43,973 --> 00:03:45,223
That's been done before.

106
00:03:45,307 --> 00:03:47,765
It's 2010.
Everything's been done before.

107
00:03:47,848 --> 00:03:50,098
All you can do is do something
someone's done before

108
00:03:50,223 --> 00:03:52,515
but do it better or differently.

109
00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:54,973
To some extent,
that's correct.

110
00:04:00,557 --> 00:04:02,098
Why are we listening to this?

111
00:04:02,182 --> 00:04:03,265
That's what I've chosen

112
00:04:03,348 --> 00:04:07,807
for the soundtrack
for this landscape.

113
00:04:07,890 --> 00:04:08,973
It's not expected.

114
00:04:09,098 --> 00:04:11,432
You think of that as industrial,
of sort of...

115
00:04:11,515 --> 00:04:12,973
associate that kind
of music normally

116
00:04:13,057 --> 00:04:14,182
with an urban landscape.

117
00:04:17,390 --> 00:04:20,555
<i>

118
00:04:21,253 --> 00:04:25,126
<i>

119
00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:29,557
<i>

120
00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:33,807
<i>

121
00:04:33,932 --> 00:04:37,765
<i>

122
00:04:37,848 --> 00:04:42,140
<i>

123
00:04:42,265 --> 00:04:46,015
<i>

124
00:04:46,140 --> 00:04:50,390
<i>

125
00:04:50,473 --> 00:04:52,348
<i>

126
00:05:03,973 --> 00:05:04,848
This looks lovely.

127
00:05:04,973 --> 00:05:06,307
Beautiful, isn't it, eh?

128
00:05:06,432 --> 00:05:09,432
<i>It's the sort of place
you'd shoot a Miss Marple.</i>

129
00:05:09,515 --> 00:05:10,848
Hello.

130
00:05:10,973 --> 00:05:12,098
Hi. Hi.

131
00:05:12,182 --> 00:05:14,848
Should be a reservation
under the name "Coogan. "

132
00:05:14,973 --> 00:05:17,432
- Hi, Mr. Coogan.
- Two rooms under "Coogan. "

133
00:05:20,432 --> 00:05:22,848
Sorry, we only have
one double room for you.

134
00:05:22,973 --> 00:05:25,098
Uh, it may be under his name,
Brydon.

135
00:05:25,223 --> 00:05:26,848
Is another room
under the name "Brydon"?

136
00:05:26,973 --> 00:05:29,973
No. No Brydons.
Sorry.

137
00:05:30,098 --> 00:05:32,015
I thought there should
have been two rooms booked.

138
00:05:32,140 --> 00:05:33,265
- Hello. Hi.
- Hi.

139
00:05:33,390 --> 00:05:34,598
This is Mr. Brydon.

140
00:05:34,723 --> 00:05:36,432
Can we book another room?

141
00:05:36,515 --> 00:05:38,348
I'm sorry, but we're
fully booked tonight, sir.

142
00:05:38,473 --> 00:05:40,265
Can share.
That's all right.

143
00:05:40,348 --> 00:05:42,598
- No, we can't.
- It's a big room.

144
00:05:42,723 --> 00:05:45,640
Right, I'm gonna call Emma
and get to the bottom of this.

145
00:05:45,765 --> 00:05:47,682
I just said, seriously,
I don't mind sharing a bit.

146
00:05:47,807 --> 00:05:49,140
There's no signal here.
What do I do?

147
00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:51,348
Sometimes
you can get it outside.

148
00:05:51,473 --> 00:05:52,640
- Okay.
- At the back.

149
00:05:52,765 --> 00:05:55,598
Okay. All right.
I'll try and sort this out.

150
00:05:55,682 --> 00:05:58,140
Oh, dear me.

151
00:05:59,765 --> 00:06:00,848
Hello.

152
00:06:00,973 --> 00:06:02,307
<i>- Hi.
- Hiya.</i>

153
00:06:02,432 --> 00:06:04,848
Emma, listen,
I'm at the inn at Whitewell.

154
00:06:04,973 --> 00:06:06,098
<i>Yeah.</i>

155
00:06:06,223 --> 00:06:07,348
There's only one room.

156
00:06:07,473 --> 00:06:09,598
Well, you can stay
with Mischa, can't you?

157
00:06:09,723 --> 00:06:12,265
I'm not with Mischa.
I'm with Rob Brydon.

158
00:06:12,348 --> 00:06:13,348
Well, this is lovely.

159
00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:14,682
I mean, I'd be happy
to sleep here.

160
00:06:16,723 --> 00:06:18,057
Put a little bed down there,

161
00:06:18,140 --> 00:06:19,848
and I'd sleep there
very happily.

162
00:06:19,973 --> 00:06:21,682
So are you friends or...

163
00:06:21,807 --> 00:06:23,265
- No, we work together.
- Okay.

164
00:06:23,390 --> 00:06:25,307
So I'm just, you know...
I'm just with him.

165
00:06:25,432 --> 00:06:26,390
Are you his assistant or...

166
00:06:29,348 --> 00:06:30,640
In a way, yes.

167
00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:32,473
<i>I thought you said
you were going with Mischa.</i>

168
00:06:32,598 --> 00:06:34,182
No, I said I was thinking
of going with Rob.

169
00:06:34,307 --> 00:06:35,182
I told you.

170
00:06:35,307 --> 00:06:37,307
Okay, look, I'm sorry.

171
00:06:37,432 --> 00:06:40,140
Now I'm left having to share
a room with Rob for the night.

172
00:06:40,265 --> 00:06:41,682
I'm sorry. I messed up.

173
00:06:41,807 --> 00:06:44,307
Make sure all the other hotels
have got separate rooms, right?

174
00:06:44,432 --> 00:06:45,473
<i>Okay.</i>

175
00:06:45,598 --> 00:06:47,265
All right. Thank you.
All right, love. Bye.

176
00:06:47,348 --> 00:06:48,265
<i>Yeah, bye.</i>

177
00:06:48,348 --> 00:06:49,265
I'm sorry.

178
00:06:49,348 --> 00:06:50,515
It's a bit of a warren here.

179
00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:53,598
No, it's part of its charm.

180
00:06:53,682 --> 00:06:55,932
Thank you.

181
00:06:56,015 --> 00:06:57,307
So what's your name?

182
00:06:57,432 --> 00:06:58,307
- Magda.
- Magda.

183
00:06:58,432 --> 00:07:00,807
- And yours?
- Steve.

184
00:07:00,932 --> 00:07:05,557
Yes, none of this
"Mr. Coogan" nonsense.

185
00:07:06,973 --> 00:07:09,515
- So here it is.
- Oh, very nice.

186
00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:10,515
Beautiful, yeah.

187
00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:11,515
Very nice indeed.

188
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,265
It's a very nice view.

189
00:07:13,390 --> 00:07:16,015
Look at that.
Very big.

190
00:07:16,140 --> 00:07:18,432
So...

191
00:07:18,515 --> 00:07:20,848
There we go.
Come on. Up you jump.

192
00:07:20,973 --> 00:07:22,640
Okay, I'll leave you to it.

193
00:07:22,765 --> 00:07:24,098
- Thank you.
- And here is the key.

194
00:07:24,182 --> 00:07:26,473
- Thanks, Magda.
- Bye.

195
00:07:26,598 --> 00:07:28,932
This is a huge bed.
We could easily share this bed.

196
00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:31,098
It might be huge to you.

197
00:07:31,182 --> 00:07:33,432
It's average size to me.

198
00:07:33,515 --> 00:07:36,848
Oh, that's right. I forgot.
You're considerably taller.

199
00:07:36,973 --> 00:07:39,015
What's the problem, anyway?

200
00:07:39,140 --> 00:07:40,557
What do you think
is gonna happen?

201
00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:42,890
Eh?

202
00:07:42,973 --> 00:07:44,473
You might touch my bottom.

203
00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:45,723
- All right.
- Even an accident.

204
00:07:45,807 --> 00:07:47,015
Were you an altar boy?

205
00:07:47,140 --> 00:07:48,557
Yes, I was.

206
00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:50,140
- Seriously?
- Yes.

207
00:07:50,265 --> 00:07:51,598
Oh, all right.

208
00:07:51,682 --> 00:07:53,390
Well, I'll go on the sofa
if you want, if it's...

209
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:56,098
Sorry, I didn't realize we were
into Oprah Winfrey territory.

210
00:07:56,223 --> 00:07:58,348
Are you seriously saying
you were abused as a child

211
00:07:58,473 --> 00:07:59,682
when you were an altar boy?

212
00:07:59,807 --> 00:08:01,765
Only verbally.

213
00:08:01,848 --> 00:08:03,015
And physically.

214
00:08:03,140 --> 00:08:04,557
But not sexually.

215
00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:07,057
You know, just punched...

216
00:08:07,140 --> 00:08:08,223
by a priest.

217
00:08:11,348 --> 00:08:13,557
There's no signal here.
You won't get a signal.

218
00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:15,473
I'm on wireless.

219
00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:19,057
Ah.

220
00:08:19,182 --> 00:08:20,473
Yes, who's having scallops?

221
00:08:20,598 --> 00:08:21,973
I am the scallops.

222
00:08:22,098 --> 00:08:23,682
Thank you very much.

223
00:08:23,807 --> 00:08:24,932
And the soup.

224
00:08:25,057 --> 00:08:25,973
Thank you. Lovely.

225
00:08:26,057 --> 00:08:26,973
- Okay.
- Yes.

226
00:08:27,057 --> 00:08:27,973
Enjoy your starters.

227
00:08:28,057 --> 00:08:30,307
Thank you.

228
00:08:30,432 --> 00:08:31,932
Soup of the day.
Can't go wrong.

229
00:08:32,015 --> 00:08:32,973
Yeah. Yeah.

230
00:08:33,098 --> 00:08:34,932
Yours looks more interesting,
but...

231
00:08:42,432 --> 00:08:43,973
Mmm.
What's yours like?

232
00:08:44,098 --> 00:08:45,848
Well, it tastes of tomatoes.

233
00:08:45,973 --> 00:08:48,140
Not a connoisseur,
are you, with food?

234
00:08:48,265 --> 00:08:49,682
Look, the reason
I was doing this trip

235
00:08:49,807 --> 00:08:50,890
was to bring Mischa along.

236
00:08:50,973 --> 00:08:52,765
She's passionate about food.
She loves food.

237
00:08:52,890 --> 00:08:54,182
She's the food buff.

238
00:08:54,307 --> 00:08:56,723
She's the food...
she's a very confident foodie,

239
00:08:56,807 --> 00:08:58,265
and I thought she could help me,

240
00:08:58,348 --> 00:09:01,682
and I wanted
to show Mischa the...

241
00:09:01,807 --> 00:09:03,265
you know, the North,

242
00:09:03,390 --> 00:09:05,432
show her a piece of me.

243
00:09:05,515 --> 00:09:06,848
You're from Manchester.

244
00:09:06,973 --> 00:09:11,098
You could take her round and
show her the gun crime sites.

245
00:09:11,223 --> 00:09:12,182
I'm from the North.

246
00:09:12,307 --> 00:09:14,973
The North has an identity
of itself.

247
00:09:15,098 --> 00:09:18,015
Yeah, not the same way
that Wales does.

248
00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:19,015
I think it does.

249
00:09:19,140 --> 00:09:20,182
I think the North had...

250
00:09:20,307 --> 00:09:21,765
The North could be
a different country.

251
00:09:21,890 --> 00:09:23,598
It has as much of an identity
as Wales.

252
00:09:23,723 --> 00:09:26,432
Are you seriously saying that
you think the North of England...

253
00:09:26,557 --> 00:09:29,765
hang on... a stronger identity
than Wales?

254
00:09:29,848 --> 00:09:30,890
Yeah... yes.

255
00:09:33,515 --> 00:09:34,973
Industrial Revolution,

256
00:09:35,057 --> 00:09:37,765
the very first railway
in the world in Manchester,

257
00:09:37,890 --> 00:09:39,348
which revolutionized the world

258
00:09:39,473 --> 00:09:41,473
probably more than anything else
in the last 200 years.

259
00:09:41,598 --> 00:09:42,473
Richard Burton.

260
00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:45,348
Man from being
ex-prison admiral...

261
00:09:45,473 --> 00:09:47,015
napkins like God.

262
00:09:47,140 --> 00:09:48,557
Anthony Hopkins.

263
00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:50,015
I want a room with a view.

264
00:09:50,140 --> 00:09:51,015
I want to see a tree.

265
00:09:52,265 --> 00:09:54,223
I think anyone over 40
who amuses themself

266
00:09:54,307 --> 00:09:55,390
by doing impressions

267
00:09:55,473 --> 00:09:57,682
needs to take a long, hard look
in the mirror.

268
00:09:57,807 --> 00:10:01,223
Well, broadsheet journalists
have described my impressions

269
00:10:01,307 --> 00:10:03,098
as stunningly accurate.

270
00:10:03,182 --> 00:10:04,182
Well, they're wrong.

271
00:10:04,307 --> 00:10:05,765
I've not heard
your Michael Caine,

272
00:10:05,848 --> 00:10:07,807
but I assume it would be
something along the lines of:

273
00:10:07,890 --> 00:10:09,723
My name's Michael Caine.

274
00:10:09,807 --> 00:10:10,932
That is where you
are so wrong,

275
00:10:11,057 --> 00:10:12,598
and you can look
at my live video to prove...

276
00:10:12,723 --> 00:10:14,807
because that's the very thing
I don't do.

277
00:10:14,932 --> 00:10:16,223
I say that he used
to talk like that.

278
00:10:16,307 --> 00:10:18,265
- Do your Michael Caine.
- Okay.

279
00:10:18,348 --> 00:10:20,265
I say Michael Caine
used to talk like this

280
00:10:20,348 --> 00:10:21,598
in the 1960s, right?

281
00:10:21,723 --> 00:10:24,515
But that has changed,
and I say that over the years...

282
00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:26,057
Michael's voice...

283
00:10:26,140 --> 00:10:27,432
has come down...
several octaves.

284
00:10:27,557 --> 00:10:28,598
Let me finish.

285
00:10:28,682 --> 00:10:30,515
And all of the cigars

286
00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:32,682
and the brandy don't...
let me finish...

287
00:10:32,807 --> 00:10:34,515
...can now be heard...
- Okay.

288
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:36,557
I've not fucking finished.

289
00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:37,807
In the back of the voice,

290
00:10:37,932 --> 00:10:38,890
...and the voice now...
- Okay.

291
00:10:38,973 --> 00:10:41,557
Will... I've still not finished.

292
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:44,432
'Cause you're panicking.
You know I'm about to...

293
00:10:44,515 --> 00:10:45,890
Because you look like

294
00:10:45,973 --> 00:10:46,973
you're about to bloody talk!

295
00:10:47,098 --> 00:10:48,432
Let me finish.

296
00:10:48,557 --> 00:10:50,932
Right,
so Michael Caine's voice now,

297
00:10:51,015 --> 00:10:54,473
<i>in the Batman movies
and in Harry Brown...</i>

298
00:10:54,598 --> 00:10:57,682
I can't go fast,
because Michael Caine...

299
00:10:57,807 --> 00:11:03,682
talks... very... very... slowly.

300
00:11:03,807 --> 00:11:05,348
Right, this is how
Michael Caine speaks.

301
00:11:05,473 --> 00:11:08,515
Michael Caine
speaks to his nose like that.

302
00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:11,890
He gets very, very specific.
It's very like that.

303
00:11:11,973 --> 00:11:15,432
When it gets loudly,
it gets very loud indeed!

304
00:11:15,557 --> 00:11:16,973
It gets very specific.

305
00:11:17,098 --> 00:11:18,390
It's not quite nasal enough

306
00:11:18,473 --> 00:11:19,765
the way you're doing it,
all right?

307
00:11:19,890 --> 00:11:22,515
You're not doing it
the way he speaks!

308
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,723
You're not doing it
with the kind of...

309
00:11:24,807 --> 00:11:26,890
And you
don't do the broken voice

310
00:11:26,973 --> 00:11:28,265
when he gets very emotional,

311
00:11:28,348 --> 00:11:30,098
when he gets
very emotional indeed.

312
00:11:30,182 --> 00:11:33,848
She was only 16 years old.
She was only 16...

313
00:11:33,973 --> 00:11:36,848
You're only supposed to blow
the bloody doors off!

314
00:11:36,973 --> 00:11:38,473
That's Michael Caine.

315
00:11:45,182 --> 00:11:46,265
Excuse me. Sorry.

316
00:11:46,390 --> 00:11:48,057
- Thank you very much.
- Was everything okay?

317
00:11:48,140 --> 00:11:49,390
Oh, it was very nice indeed,
yeah.

318
00:11:49,473 --> 00:11:50,390
Quite tomato-y.

319
00:11:50,473 --> 00:11:53,432
- And soupy.
- Thank you.

320
00:11:53,515 --> 00:11:55,057
Hotter than I was expecting.

321
00:11:55,140 --> 00:11:56,598
More heat in the chili sauce.

322
00:11:56,682 --> 00:11:59,432
There was a lot of heat
in my scallops.

323
00:11:59,557 --> 00:12:02,348
- My scallops were hot.
- There's a joke there.

324
00:12:02,473 --> 00:12:04,098
Plenty of heat

325
00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:06,015
in my scallops.

326
00:12:06,140 --> 00:12:07,015
<i>Heat.</i>

327
00:12:07,140 --> 00:12:09,807
Pacino. De Niro.
Michael Mann.

328
00:12:09,932 --> 00:12:11,348
What do you got?

329
00:12:11,473 --> 00:12:15,890
Four bodies in a morgue.
I'm out there every fucking day.

330
00:12:15,973 --> 00:12:17,473
Ugh.

331
00:12:17,598 --> 00:12:18,473
<i>- Yeah? Heat.
- Yeah?</i>

332
00:12:18,598 --> 00:12:21,057
A movie where De Niro
and Pacino

333
00:12:21,140 --> 00:12:22,723
are running
a celebrity magazine.

334
00:12:22,807 --> 00:12:24,015
What do you got?

335
00:12:24,140 --> 00:12:28,098
I need a photo exclusive
of Katie Price having a botox.

336
00:12:28,182 --> 00:12:30,807
Ain't got it, Al.
We can't do it. We can't do it.

337
00:12:30,932 --> 00:12:32,223
It's not looking...

338
00:12:32,307 --> 00:12:34,223
What do you mean
it's not looking good?

339
00:12:34,307 --> 00:12:37,307
I got to have her
on the front page right now!

340
00:12:37,432 --> 00:12:39,432
Every day I'm there!

341
00:12:39,557 --> 00:12:41,390
Hey, calm it down.
All right. Sorry.

342
00:12:43,557 --> 00:12:45,265
It's all right.
They don't mind. They love it.

343
00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:47,473
Yeah, well, not sure
about that, but anyway...

344
00:12:47,598 --> 00:12:48,973
Ever worked with Michael Mann?

345
00:12:49,098 --> 00:12:51,057
I don't work with
mainstream Hollywood directors.

346
00:12:51,140 --> 00:12:52,098
I work with auteurs.

347
00:12:52,182 --> 00:12:53,432
<i>Like in Rain Man?</i>

348
00:12:53,557 --> 00:12:55,515
Oh, I'm an excellent director.

349
00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:56,598
I'm an excellent director.

350
00:12:56,682 --> 00:12:58,765
I directed the whole movie
in one go.

351
00:12:58,890 --> 00:13:00,098
No, that's autistic.

352
00:13:00,223 --> 00:13:01,265
I know that.

353
00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:02,932
I wonder...
that's autistic savant.

354
00:13:03,057 --> 00:13:05,432
Is there such a thing as
an autistic impressionist?

355
00:13:05,515 --> 00:13:06,682
'Cause if there is,

356
00:13:06,807 --> 00:13:09,973
I think that might be the key
to your condition.

357
00:13:10,098 --> 00:13:12,557
Maybe you're right.

358
00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:18,057
I don't know, but I see a guy
with something stuck up his ass

359
00:13:18,140 --> 00:13:23,557
who's too uptight to let go.

360
00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:26,682
No, I like humor.
I like levity. I like brevity.

361
00:13:26,807 --> 00:13:27,765
I just like to...

362
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:29,973
Gravity?
Where do you stand on that?

363
00:13:30,098 --> 00:13:32,848
Um, firmly.
On terra firma.

364
00:13:32,973 --> 00:13:35,932
You like
levity, brevity, and gravity.

365
00:13:36,057 --> 00:13:37,640
It's great to meet you.

366
00:13:37,765 --> 00:13:38,807
It's terrific to meet you.

367
00:13:38,932 --> 00:13:40,473
I got to tell you,
you're a terrific actor.

368
00:13:40,598 --> 00:13:41,515
I like your work.

369
00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:43,265
I caught your work
the other day.

370
00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:46,098
I was watching the television
in my room, and I said,

371
00:13:46,223 --> 00:13:47,640
"Who is this guy?

372
00:13:47,723 --> 00:13:49,765
"He's not as tall as Coogan,
but he's better.

373
00:13:49,890 --> 00:13:51,807
I like him a lot. "

374
00:13:51,890 --> 00:13:56,307
Do you find
as you get older...

375
00:13:56,432 --> 00:13:58,848
food gets stuck
in your teeth more?

376
00:13:58,973 --> 00:14:00,265
Oh, yes.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah.

377
00:14:00,390 --> 00:14:02,432
- More readily?
- You know why that is?

378
00:14:02,557 --> 00:14:05,348
- Why?
- Receding gums.

379
00:14:06,890 --> 00:14:11,098
Revealing the crack, the gap,
between the tooth and the gum.

380
00:14:11,223 --> 00:14:13,057
As you... look, look.
Look how much... look.

381
00:14:16,348 --> 00:14:17,265
What are you showing me?

382
00:14:17,348 --> 00:14:19,182
My gums.

383
00:14:21,932 --> 00:14:25,140
Those look all right,
you know.

384
00:14:25,265 --> 00:14:28,140
Can you see them receding?

385
00:14:28,265 --> 00:14:29,473
- Mm, yes. Yeah.
- Yeah?

386
00:14:29,598 --> 00:14:33,848
Well, that is a honey trap
for morsels of food.

387
00:14:33,973 --> 00:14:35,265
That is an open invitation.

388
00:14:35,348 --> 00:14:38,515
A bit of food sees that,
he goes running towards it.

389
00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:40,307
It's not good
if you're on a date.

390
00:14:40,432 --> 00:14:41,682
You still go on dates, do you?

391
00:14:41,807 --> 00:14:43,265
Yeah, if I want to pick my...
what I do is,

392
00:14:43,348 --> 00:14:44,348
I normally go to the toilet.

393
00:14:44,473 --> 00:14:45,765
I take a toothpick,
go to the toilet,

394
00:14:45,890 --> 00:14:47,473
and just get every little bit
out of my teeth,

395
00:14:47,598 --> 00:14:49,848
or I try to avoid foods that get
lodged in your teeth, 'cause...

396
00:14:49,973 --> 00:14:51,098
Really?

397
00:14:51,182 --> 00:14:52,765
You don't want to try
and go and kiss a girl

398
00:14:52,848 --> 00:14:55,057
with a big lump of chicken stuck
inside of one of your molars.

399
00:14:55,140 --> 00:14:57,765
See that strikes me as odd,
that a man at our age

400
00:14:57,890 --> 00:15:00,598
would be thinking
about trying to kiss girls.

401
00:15:00,682 --> 00:15:02,432
- Hi, sorry.
- Hello.

402
00:15:02,515 --> 00:15:04,473
It's your lucky day.

403
00:15:04,598 --> 00:15:06,307
- Why?
- We've had a cancellation.

404
00:15:06,432 --> 00:15:07,765
You don't have
to share a bed tonight.

405
00:15:07,890 --> 00:15:09,265
I'll drink to that.

406
00:15:09,348 --> 00:15:13,598
Shall I leave you in room 15
and move Mr. Brydon into 7, or...

407
00:15:13,723 --> 00:15:15,223
Which is the better room?

408
00:15:15,307 --> 00:15:18,473
7 is a bit bigger,
but I prefer 15.

409
00:15:18,598 --> 00:15:19,848
Maybe you want to see it?

410
00:15:19,973 --> 00:15:22,265
Um... yes, I think I would.

411
00:15:22,390 --> 00:15:23,807
Do you mind excusing me?

412
00:15:23,890 --> 00:15:25,932
I could come as well
if you want.

413
00:15:26,015 --> 00:15:27,390
Nah.

414
00:15:32,807 --> 00:15:33,765
Yeah, it's open.

415
00:15:38,557 --> 00:15:40,098
- Sorry.
- Okay.

416
00:15:40,223 --> 00:15:43,473
Okay, so this is
room number 7.

417
00:15:43,598 --> 00:15:44,765
That's nice, yeah.

418
00:15:44,890 --> 00:15:46,557
Beautiful room.

419
00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:48,807
- Nice view.
- Yeah?

420
00:15:48,932 --> 00:15:51,307
I find the view
is very important.

421
00:15:51,432 --> 00:15:53,140
You can't go wrong
around this area.

422
00:15:53,265 --> 00:15:54,765
Everything's beautiful.

423
00:15:54,890 --> 00:15:56,682
It is. I know.
It's true.

424
00:15:59,598 --> 00:16:00,723
It's pretty high, isn't it?

425
00:16:00,807 --> 00:16:02,307
<i>It reminds me
of The Princess and the Pea.</i>

426
00:16:02,432 --> 00:16:03,473
Do you know that?

427
00:16:03,598 --> 00:16:05,015
- Yes, I do.
- Hans Christian Andersen.

428
00:16:05,140 --> 00:16:06,765
Do you have...
Do you know him in Poland?

429
00:16:06,848 --> 00:16:09,598
Of course.
Of course we read.

430
00:16:09,682 --> 00:16:11,265
Yeah, no, we do read.

431
00:16:11,390 --> 00:16:13,015
Right. Okay.
Where is he from?

432
00:16:13,140 --> 00:16:15,557
- Um... Denmark.
- Denmark. That's right. Yes.

433
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,265
Denmark. Yeah.
I don't like the Danish.

434
00:16:17,348 --> 00:16:19,182
No, it's like that, isn't it?

435
00:16:19,307 --> 00:16:20,265
No, it's like that.

436
00:16:20,348 --> 00:16:22,307
Through the nose.
Through the nose.

437
00:16:22,390 --> 00:16:24,598
Michael Caine's voice
is through the nose.

438
00:16:24,682 --> 00:16:26,557
So how long
have you worked here?

439
00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:28,432
- Long?
- Almost a year.

440
00:16:28,515 --> 00:16:29,973
Right. Okay.

441
00:16:30,057 --> 00:16:31,765
So you and Rob,
do you work a lot together or...

442
00:16:31,848 --> 00:16:32,765
Very rarely.

443
00:16:32,848 --> 00:16:34,015
If I can avoid it.

444
00:16:34,140 --> 00:16:36,140
I mean, you seem
to know each other quite well.

445
00:16:36,265 --> 00:16:38,432
It's all right, but the
relationship's purely platonic.

446
00:16:38,515 --> 00:16:40,140
So what should we do?

447
00:16:40,265 --> 00:16:42,098
Well, which is the one
you liked?

448
00:16:42,223 --> 00:16:43,640
15.
Yeah, I prefer 15.

449
00:16:43,765 --> 00:16:44,973
I think we should
go with that.

450
00:16:45,098 --> 00:16:47,015
Do they accommodate you here,
or do you have, like...

451
00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:49,890
There are cottages for
the staff at the main house,

452
00:16:49,973 --> 00:16:51,598
so yes, I live nearby.

453
00:16:51,723 --> 00:16:52,598
Well, that's handy.

454
00:16:52,723 --> 00:16:54,473
I'm very nearby, yeah.

455
00:16:54,598 --> 00:16:56,057
Hi, is that Greg?

456
00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:57,057
<i>It is, yes.</i>

457
00:16:57,140 --> 00:16:58,057
<i>- Hey.
- Hey, how are you?</i>

458
00:16:58,140 --> 00:16:59,057
Very good.

459
00:16:59,140 --> 00:17:00,932
You emailed me,
asked me to call.

460
00:17:01,057 --> 00:17:02,723
Can you hear me, Greg?

461
00:17:04,307 --> 00:17:05,473
<i>No, I can't...</i>

462
00:17:05,598 --> 00:17:08,765
Can you hear me now?
Can you hear me now?

463
00:17:08,890 --> 00:17:10,432
Yes, yes.
I can hear you.

464
00:17:10,515 --> 00:17:11,682
Okay, I'll stay here.

465
00:17:11,807 --> 00:17:13,640
<i>Right, Doctor Who
are very keen again.</i>

466
00:17:13,765 --> 00:17:16,932
<i>Doctor Who?
What, is it the baddie?</i>

467
00:17:17,057 --> 00:17:18,015
Yep.

468
00:17:18,140 --> 00:17:19,723
I don't want to do British TV.

469
00:17:19,807 --> 00:17:21,348
Well, I mean,
all you need is...

470
00:17:21,473 --> 00:17:22,765
you just need one film, Steve,

471
00:17:22,890 --> 00:17:23,765
and that will propel you.

472
00:17:23,890 --> 00:17:25,598
I've done ten.

473
00:17:25,723 --> 00:17:26,932
You need the right film.

474
00:17:27,057 --> 00:17:29,098
You see, you've got
a huge amount of momentum

475
00:17:29,223 --> 00:17:30,432
<i>behind you.</i>

476
00:17:30,557 --> 00:17:32,515
Yeah, you get momentum
when you're going downhill.

477
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:34,098
Well, yes, but...

478
00:17:34,223 --> 00:17:36,432
I want to be in films,

479
00:17:36,557 --> 00:17:37,473
good films.

480
00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:39,682
Where exactly are you
at the moment?

481
00:17:39,807 --> 00:17:42,515
<i>I'm in the Trough of Bowland.</i>

482
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:46,182
Rather appropriately, Greg,
I'm in a trough,

483
00:17:46,307 --> 00:17:47,932
literally and metaphorically.

484
00:17:48,015 --> 00:17:50,390
Yeah, is Mischa with you?
Is she enjoying it?

485
00:17:50,473 --> 00:17:55,265
Yes, she's...
yes, she's... yes, she is, yeah.

486
00:18:43,723 --> 00:18:44,598
<i>Hello?</i>

487
00:18:44,723 --> 00:18:46,598
Hello?

488
00:18:46,682 --> 00:18:48,140
<i>Hey, it's me!</i>

489
00:18:48,223 --> 00:18:50,307
What time is it?

490
00:18:50,432 --> 00:18:55,473
It's, uh,
it's 12:00, your time.

491
00:18:55,598 --> 00:18:58,473
Oh, shit.
I'm late.

492
00:18:58,598 --> 00:19:00,807
Oh, you just got up?

493
00:19:00,932 --> 00:19:02,682
<i>Yeah, I had
a really late night.</i>

494
00:19:02,807 --> 00:19:05,640
<i>I guess I got in at, like,
3:00 or 4:00 maybe.</i>

495
00:19:05,765 --> 00:19:07,098
Where'd you go?

496
00:19:07,182 --> 00:19:11,348
<i>I told you, I went to this,
uh, magazine party,</i>

497
00:19:11,473 --> 00:19:13,015
<i>this magazine launch.</i>

498
00:19:13,140 --> 00:19:14,182
<i>I thought it'd</i>

499
00:19:14,307 --> 00:19:16,765
be a good place to go
and meet some people

500
00:19:16,848 --> 00:19:19,890
and pitch some of my ideas,
and it was really good.

501
00:19:19,973 --> 00:19:23,432
I met some amazing people,
and there's lots of interest.

502
00:19:23,557 --> 00:19:25,265
Yeah? Who'd you meet?
Who was interesting?

503
00:19:25,390 --> 00:19:28,848
<i>I met the, um,
the editor of Esquire,</i>

504
00:19:28,973 --> 00:19:31,348
and he, uh,

505
00:19:31,473 --> 00:19:34,348
<i>he's interested in the story
I did about the bikers</i>

506
00:19:34,473 --> 00:19:35,890
<i>when I went back home.</i>

507
00:19:35,973 --> 00:19:37,640
Does he fancy you?

508
00:19:37,765 --> 00:19:39,098
God, you know what?

509
00:19:39,223 --> 00:19:40,932
That really pisses me off
when you do that

510
00:19:41,015 --> 00:19:42,973
like I've got nothing else
to offer.

511
00:19:43,057 --> 00:19:44,140
<i>- I'm not saying...
- Whatever.</i>

512
00:19:44,265 --> 00:19:45,390
<i>Listen, listen, I've got to go.</i>

513
00:19:45,473 --> 00:19:47,682
<i>- Hey, listen...
- I'm gonna be late, okay?</i>

514
00:19:47,807 --> 00:19:53,182
Okay.
Hey, uh, uh, well, I miss you.

515
00:19:53,307 --> 00:19:55,932
Yeah, I miss you too.

516
00:19:56,057 --> 00:19:58,598
Good.

517
00:19:58,682 --> 00:19:59,765
I got to go.

518
00:19:59,848 --> 00:20:02,348
Listen, well, let's just
speak later, okay?

519
00:20:02,473 --> 00:20:04,348
<i>- Okay.
- Okay, bye.</i>

520
00:20:04,473 --> 00:20:06,307
<i>- Bye. Bye, baby.
- Bye.</i>

521
00:20:40,557 --> 00:20:41,765
Bye.

522
00:20:43,473 --> 00:20:44,640
Bye.

523
00:20:55,473 --> 00:20:58,515
I thought we'd go up
to Dunsop Bridge,

524
00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:00,598
up through
the Trough of Bowland,

525
00:21:00,682 --> 00:21:03,932
through Abbeystead,
get on the M6 at junction 33,

526
00:21:04,057 --> 00:21:06,765
then off at junction 36
a bit further up,

527
00:21:06,848 --> 00:21:10,057
and that'll take us
almost all the way to Cartmel.

528
00:21:13,070 --> 00:21:17,848
Did you cement
Anglo-Polish relations?

529
00:21:17,973 --> 00:21:23,057
There was a summit
in my bedroom.

530
00:21:23,140 --> 00:21:24,223
I won't go into detail,

531
00:21:24,307 --> 00:21:26,182
but there were more than talks
about talks.

532
00:21:26,307 --> 00:21:31,973
In fact, I'd go as far as to say
there was an historic accord.

533
00:21:32,098 --> 00:21:34,432
"What joy it was to be alive,

534
00:21:34,515 --> 00:21:36,640
but to be young
was very heaven. "

535
00:21:36,765 --> 00:21:38,057
That's Wordsworth, I think,

536
00:21:38,140 --> 00:21:40,348
going on about
the French Revolution.

537
00:21:40,473 --> 00:21:41,932
That was when he was younger,

538
00:21:42,015 --> 00:21:44,265
before he started going on
about daffodils.

539
00:21:49,723 --> 00:21:51,182
This is a wild and windy moor.

540
00:21:51,307 --> 00:21:52,182
It is.

541
00:21:52,307 --> 00:21:53,682
Misty moor, really,
but, you know...

542
00:21:53,807 --> 00:21:55,598
- Christy Moore.
- Christy Moore.

543
00:21:55,723 --> 00:21:57,640
Bobby Moore. Dudley Moore.

544
00:21:57,765 --> 00:21:59,432
Roger Moore.
Kenneth Moore.

545
00:21:59,515 --> 00:22:00,890
Dudley and Peter.
Peter and Dudley.

546
00:22:00,973 --> 00:22:01,973
Oh, God.

547
00:22:04,390 --> 00:22:08,182

and windy moor

548
00:22:08,307 --> 00:22:12,432


549
00:22:12,557 --> 00:22:16,765

like my jealousy

550
00:22:16,890 --> 00:22:20,432


551
00:22:24,723 --> 00:22:27,057
Hello.

552
00:22:27,140 --> 00:22:30,890
<i>- Hi, it's me.
- Hi, how are you?</i>

553
00:22:30,973 --> 00:22:32,182
<i>Where are you?</i>

554
00:22:32,307 --> 00:22:36,015
I'm... we're just
in the Trough of Bowland

555
00:22:36,140 --> 00:22:37,015
heading towards...

556
00:22:37,140 --> 00:22:38,348
- Cartmel.
- Cartmel.

557
00:22:38,473 --> 00:22:41,098
<i>Can you...
can you talk to Joe?</i>

558
00:22:41,223 --> 00:22:42,348
What?

559
00:22:42,473 --> 00:22:44,765
<i>He's getting
a bit out of hand.</i>

560
00:22:44,890 --> 00:22:47,057
<i>He was drinking last night.</i>

561
00:22:47,140 --> 00:22:48,473
Oh, Christ's sakes.

562
00:22:48,598 --> 00:22:50,932
<i>I've had one
of his friend's parents call me</i>

563
00:22:51,057 --> 00:22:52,932
<i>concerned about his behavior
at their house,</i>

564
00:22:53,015 --> 00:22:54,848
<i>and he's been really ill
this morning,</i>

565
00:22:54,973 --> 00:22:57,057
<i>and he won't go to school.</i>

566
00:22:57,140 --> 00:22:58,057
Oh, Christ's sakes.

567
00:22:58,140 --> 00:22:59,473
<i>So I need you to talk to him,</i>

568
00:22:59,598 --> 00:23:01,432
<i>because he just doesn't listen
to me at the moment.</i>

569
00:23:01,515 --> 00:23:02,473
Okay, I will do that today.

570
00:23:02,598 --> 00:23:04,015
<i>Can you do that today?</i>

571
00:23:04,140 --> 00:23:06,473
Yeah. Yes.
I will do that today.

572
00:23:06,598 --> 00:23:08,057
<i>- How's Mimi?
- Well, I've got to go.</i>

573
00:23:08,140 --> 00:23:09,973
Oh, okay. All right.
Bye.

574
00:23:10,098 --> 00:23:10,973
<i>Bye. Thanks.</i>

575
00:23:11,098 --> 00:23:12,640
<i>- Bye.
- Bye.</i>

576
00:23:14,432 --> 00:23:18,307
Well,
it's none of my business,

577
00:23:18,432 --> 00:23:21,432
but I thought
she was very unreasonable.

578
00:23:21,557 --> 00:23:25,473
Catherine manages to put me
on the back foot from "hello. "

579
00:23:25,598 --> 00:23:27,640
It's extraordinary skill.

580
00:23:33,182 --> 00:23:34,682
Do you like taster menus?

581
00:23:34,807 --> 00:23:36,098
- I'm not sure.
- I do.

582
00:23:36,182 --> 00:23:39,640
I think when they're good,
they're really good.

583
00:23:39,723 --> 00:23:42,390
And when it's not done well,
it's very frustrating.

584
00:23:54,598 --> 00:23:57,432
There we have some
little canapes to begin with

585
00:23:57,515 --> 00:24:01,223
with a duet of tapioca-based
crackers, spiced popcorn,

586
00:24:01,307 --> 00:24:04,098
and the lollipops are made
out of duck fat with peanuts.

587
00:24:04,223 --> 00:24:05,348
Thank you very much.

588
00:24:05,473 --> 00:24:07,807
Check on two covers,
lunch menu, please.

589
00:24:07,932 --> 00:24:11,057
That's a big piece of popcorn,
isn't it?

590
00:24:11,140 --> 00:24:12,140
It's very nice.

591
00:24:17,807 --> 00:24:18,723
I like that as well.

592
00:24:18,807 --> 00:24:21,098
Enormous green quaver.

593
00:24:21,182 --> 00:24:23,515
Duck fat lolly.
Well, why not?

594
00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:24,515
It's just like my comedy.

595
00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:25,890
It's, like... it's familiar...

596
00:24:25,973 --> 00:24:27,223
like, we all know
what a lolly is...

597
00:24:27,307 --> 00:24:29,098
but there's something
very different about it.

598
00:24:29,223 --> 00:24:30,557
And like lollipops,

599
00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:32,765
it's something that we enjoyed
a long time ago.

600
00:24:34,598 --> 00:24:35,598
Mm.

601
00:24:35,723 --> 00:24:38,682
To begin with, we have
a nice little appetizer.

602
00:24:38,807 --> 00:24:41,848
We've got the liqueur
made out of the mallow leaves

603
00:24:41,973 --> 00:24:44,598
topped with a fizz
which is made out of ginger beer

604
00:24:44,723 --> 00:24:47,098
with whiskey as well as chili.

605
00:24:47,223 --> 00:24:50,140
- Cheers.
- Cheers.

606
00:24:50,265 --> 00:24:51,515
That's nice.
It's like...

607
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:53,390
Tastes
of a childhood garden.

608
00:24:53,473 --> 00:24:55,973
Well, it's got a bit of
alcohol in it, so it tastes...

609
00:24:56,057 --> 00:24:59,140
Was there a lot of alcohol
in your garden as a child?

610
00:24:59,265 --> 00:25:00,348
I'm sorry, Rob.

611
00:25:03,807 --> 00:25:04,682
Everything's all right?

612
00:25:04,807 --> 00:25:06,848
It's lovely.
Delicious.

613
00:25:06,973 --> 00:25:08,307
Very different.
Very interesting.

614
00:25:08,432 --> 00:25:09,390
Yeah. Cheers.

615
00:25:11,807 --> 00:25:12,682
Mmm.

616
00:25:12,807 --> 00:25:14,640
It's got... it is a bit...

617
00:25:14,765 --> 00:25:15,640
I mean... I have to...

618
00:25:15,765 --> 00:25:18,640
the consistency is a bit like...

619
00:25:18,723 --> 00:25:21,848
is a bit like snot,
but it tastes great.

620
00:25:21,973 --> 00:25:23,557
They said it was delicious.

621
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:26,015
What can I say?

622
00:25:26,140 --> 00:25:28,098
I can't get the image of snot
out of my head now.

623
00:25:29,307 --> 00:25:30,682
Every time I look at that,
I want to...

624
00:25:30,807 --> 00:25:31,890
That was lovely.
Really nice.

625
00:25:31,973 --> 00:25:33,432
Very nice indeed, yeah.

626
00:25:33,515 --> 00:25:34,765
- Thank you.
- Thank you.

627
00:25:34,848 --> 00:25:37,182
I use my tweezers for this.

628
00:25:43,557 --> 00:25:45,307
There we are, gentlemen.

629
00:25:45,432 --> 00:25:47,015
At the bottom
of those little sacks,

630
00:25:47,140 --> 00:25:50,140
you've got
some diced smoked hare

631
00:25:50,265 --> 00:25:52,973
as well as shredded radishes

632
00:25:53,098 --> 00:25:56,640
covered with a very smooth
duck foie gras mousse.

633
00:25:56,765 --> 00:25:57,932
- Thank you.
- Enjoy.

634
00:25:58,015 --> 00:25:59,057
Thank you very much.

635
00:26:00,973 --> 00:26:02,598
Mmm.
That's fantastic.

636
00:26:11,723 --> 00:26:15,098
So your next course is what
we call the Humphrey's pool.

637
00:26:15,223 --> 00:26:18,932
It's a shellfish broth made
out of mussel, clams, cockles,

638
00:26:19,015 --> 00:26:20,598
which are cooked
in their own juices

639
00:26:20,723 --> 00:26:23,807
before to be garnished
with a shredded local seaweed.

640
00:26:23,932 --> 00:26:25,890
- Thank you very much.
- Thank you.

641
00:26:25,973 --> 00:26:28,807
I've never eaten
a shellfish broth before.

642
00:26:30,140 --> 00:26:32,265
He mentioned cooking
in their own juices.

643
00:26:32,390 --> 00:26:34,848
Imagine that, eh?
It's a lovely thought, isn't it?

644
00:26:34,973 --> 00:26:36,598
Being cooked in your own juice.

645
00:26:36,723 --> 00:26:38,057
I'll be honest,

646
00:26:38,140 --> 00:26:40,765
I don't think I could muster
more than a thimbleful.

647
00:26:44,807 --> 00:26:45,973
Then, of course,
with this one,

648
00:26:46,098 --> 00:26:47,932
you've got some
little Manx Queenies,

649
00:26:48,057 --> 00:26:50,265
which are
baby queen scallops.

650
00:26:50,348 --> 00:26:53,182
They are resting
on grilled baby gem

651
00:26:53,307 --> 00:26:54,473
and parsnip coulis

652
00:26:54,598 --> 00:26:56,640
as well as a light,
creamy horseradish sauce.

653
00:26:56,765 --> 00:26:58,140
- Thank you.
- Lovely.

654
00:26:58,265 --> 00:27:01,057
Rather optimistic
to say they're resting.

655
00:27:01,140 --> 00:27:02,640
Their days of resting
have been and gone.

656
00:27:02,765 --> 00:27:03,723
They are dead.

657
00:27:09,432 --> 00:27:11,098
So what we'll have
at the base of the dish,

658
00:27:11,182 --> 00:27:15,265
we've got a goat cheese mousse
and a globe artichoke puree,

659
00:27:15,348 --> 00:27:16,515
and that is garnished

660
00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:18,682
with deep-fried
globe artichoke leaves

661
00:27:18,807 --> 00:27:21,515
as well as baby
Jerusalem artichoke.

662
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:25,265
- Thank you very much.
- Thank you.

663
00:27:25,348 --> 00:27:28,140
Um... I don't like artichoke.
I should just say that.

664
00:27:33,807 --> 00:27:36,140
Drinking the wine makes me feel
quite sophisticated.

665
00:27:36,265 --> 00:27:38,723
A bit like, you know,
James Bond ordering a martini.

666
00:27:38,807 --> 00:27:40,848
I'd like a...

667
00:27:42,057 --> 00:27:45,932
Like a martini, shaken...
not stirred.

668
00:27:46,015 --> 00:27:48,765
I want it now.

669
00:27:48,848 --> 00:27:50,098
Don't make me wait.

670
00:27:50,223 --> 00:27:51,973
I'll have a vodka martini,

671
00:27:52,098 --> 00:27:53,182
shaken, but not stirred.

672
00:27:53,307 --> 00:27:54,765
I'll have a vodka martini,

673
00:27:54,890 --> 00:27:56,098
shaken, not stirred.

674
00:27:56,223 --> 00:27:58,140
- I'll have a vodka...
- I'll have a vodka...

675
00:27:58,223 --> 00:27:59,682
You look very worried.

676
00:27:59,807 --> 00:28:00,848
- So do you.
- No.

677
00:28:00,973 --> 00:28:02,390
You should
take a look at your face.

678
00:28:02,473 --> 00:28:04,807
I'll have a vodka
martini, shaken, not stirred.

679
00:28:04,932 --> 00:28:06,640
You look like
you're recovering from a stroke

680
00:28:06,765 --> 00:28:08,557
and learning how
to get mobility again.

681
00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:11,890
I'd like a vodka martini,
shaken, but not stirred.

682
00:28:11,973 --> 00:28:13,973
I can feel my legs.
It's a miracle.

683
00:28:14,057 --> 00:28:15,640
I'd like a vodka martini,

684
00:28:15,765 --> 00:28:17,265
shaken, but not stirred.

685
00:28:17,390 --> 00:28:19,473
I'd like a vodka martini,

686
00:28:19,598 --> 00:28:22,473
shaken, not stirred.

687
00:28:22,598 --> 00:28:25,265
Come, come, Mr. Bond,

688
00:28:25,390 --> 00:28:27,307
You derive just as much pleasure
from killing as I do.

689
00:28:27,432 --> 00:28:28,890
Come, come, Mr. Bond,

690
00:28:28,973 --> 00:28:30,765
you get just as much pleasure
from killing as I do.

691
00:28:30,890 --> 00:28:31,973
- I'm saying that bit.
- I know.

692
00:28:32,098 --> 00:28:33,682
When you say it,
just don't caricature it.

693
00:28:33,807 --> 00:28:34,723
Try and do it real.

694
00:28:34,807 --> 00:28:36,265
Come, come, Mr. Bond.

695
00:28:36,348 --> 00:28:37,598
Shut up.
Don't tell me how to act.

696
00:28:37,682 --> 00:28:38,890
- Well, I bloody should do.
- Why?

697
00:28:38,973 --> 00:28:40,473
Because sometimes
you tend to sort of,

698
00:28:40,557 --> 00:28:41,557
you know, crank it up a bit.

699
00:28:41,682 --> 00:28:44,807
Yeah, whereas you
are widely regarded

700
00:28:44,932 --> 00:28:46,640
as the king of understatement.

701
00:28:46,765 --> 00:28:48,057
All right,
I would do it like this.

702
00:28:48,140 --> 00:28:49,598
Come, come, Mr. Bond,

703
00:28:49,682 --> 00:28:50,890
you get just as much of...

704
00:28:50,973 --> 00:28:52,973
- Try and get the lines right.
- All right. I know.

705
00:28:53,098 --> 00:28:57,182
As a rule, it's more effective
if you don't fluff the line.

706
00:28:57,307 --> 00:28:59,223
I'll deliver it with
a nice bit of understatement.

707
00:28:59,307 --> 00:29:00,765
Come, come, Mr. Bond,

708
00:29:00,848 --> 00:29:02,640
you get just as much pleasure
from killing as I do.

709
00:29:02,765 --> 00:29:04,432
- That was the worst...
- Okay. All right.

710
00:29:04,557 --> 00:29:05,723
This is it.
This is it.

711
00:29:05,807 --> 00:29:07,265
Come, come, Mr. Bond,

712
00:29:07,348 --> 00:29:09,140
you get just as much pleasure
from killing as I do.

713
00:29:09,265 --> 00:29:10,723
Come, come, Mr. Bond,

714
00:29:10,807 --> 00:29:14,348
you get just as much pleasure
from killing as I do.

715
00:29:14,473 --> 00:29:16,057
Fucking yeah.

716
00:29:16,140 --> 00:29:18,348
No, you went up at the end
like you watch Australian soaps.

717
00:29:18,473 --> 00:29:19,640
Yes, did you see I did
on my face?

718
00:29:19,765 --> 00:29:21,223
Come, come, Mr. Bond,

719
00:29:21,307 --> 00:29:22,932
you get
just as much pleasure

720
00:29:23,015 --> 00:29:24,057
from killing as I do?

721
00:29:24,140 --> 00:29:25,640
Come, come, Mr. Bond,

722
00:29:25,723 --> 00:29:27,390
you derive just as much pleasure
from killing

723
00:29:27,473 --> 00:29:28,807
as I do.

724
00:29:28,932 --> 00:29:30,973
When I kill,
I kill for queen and country,

725
00:29:31,098 --> 00:29:32,682
though I admit, killing you...

726
00:29:34,848 --> 00:29:37,932
Come, come, Mr. Bond,
you derive just as much...

727
00:29:39,723 --> 00:29:42,098
Sorry, you derive just as much

728
00:29:42,182 --> 00:29:44,807
pleasure
from killing as I do.

729
00:29:44,932 --> 00:29:47,473
Hello?

730
00:29:47,598 --> 00:29:48,557
<i>Hi.</i>

731
00:29:48,682 --> 00:29:50,432
<i>- Hey.
- Hey.</i>

732
00:29:50,557 --> 00:29:51,765
It's me.

733
00:29:51,848 --> 00:29:53,182
<i>Hey, how's it going?</i>

734
00:29:53,307 --> 00:29:56,015
It's great. It's great.
I mean, yeah... yeah.

735
00:29:56,140 --> 00:29:57,015
<i>Where are you now?</i>

736
00:29:57,140 --> 00:29:58,140
I'm in L'enclume.

737
00:29:58,265 --> 00:29:59,473
No way.

738
00:29:59,598 --> 00:30:03,265
<i>Yeah, I'm at
the fancy-schmancy restaurant.</i>

739
00:30:03,348 --> 00:30:04,848
Oh, I really wanted
to go there.

740
00:30:04,973 --> 00:30:07,140
What's happening
with that editing thing,

741
00:30:07,265 --> 00:30:09,182
the job with the guy,
you know, and the...

742
00:30:09,307 --> 00:30:10,848
It's going really well,
I think.

743
00:30:10,973 --> 00:30:13,015
They gave me an assignment
in Las Vegas.

744
00:30:13,140 --> 00:30:16,807
Las Vegas?
What are you going there for?

745
00:30:16,932 --> 00:30:18,182
<i>For work.
I just told you.</i>

746
00:30:18,307 --> 00:30:20,140
To do... what are you
gonna write about?

747
00:30:20,265 --> 00:30:23,473
<i>I'm gonna go do
this really interesting piece</i>

748
00:30:23,598 --> 00:30:25,598
<i>on prostitutes in Vegas,</i>

749
00:30:25,723 --> 00:30:29,348
<i>that kind of, like, good girls
gone bad Vegas style story.</i>

750
00:30:29,473 --> 00:30:31,390
Well, what if you become
a good girl gone bad?

751
00:30:31,473 --> 00:30:33,223
<i>Oh, Jesus, Steve.</i>

752
00:30:33,307 --> 00:30:35,307
<i>What, do you think
I'm gonna go to Las Vegas</i>

753
00:30:35,390 --> 00:30:37,723
<i>and become a prostitute?</i>

754
00:30:42,307 --> 00:30:43,182
beep!

755
00:30:43,307 --> 00:30:45,098
Hey, Joe, it's dad.

756
00:30:45,223 --> 00:30:49,057
Just wanted to have a chat,
you know, see what's happening.

757
00:30:49,140 --> 00:30:52,265
So give me a call when you can,
right?

758
00:30:52,390 --> 00:30:54,390
Love you. Bye.

759
00:30:56,807 --> 00:30:58,973
<i>- Are you all right?
- Yeah, fine.</i>

760
00:30:59,098 --> 00:31:00,723
Yeah? All good?
Chloe okay?

761
00:31:04,557 --> 00:31:05,473
Hello?

762
00:31:05,598 --> 00:31:09,223
It's Steve Coogan. Hey.

763
00:31:09,307 --> 00:31:11,432
Ha-ha. Hey, Matt.
How you doing?

764
00:31:11,557 --> 00:31:12,765
I'm doing good, man.
How are you?

765
00:31:12,890 --> 00:31:14,140
Good. Good.
Yeah, great.

766
00:31:14,265 --> 00:31:16,098
Would you be up
for a bit of...

767
00:31:16,182 --> 00:31:17,348
a bit of phone sex?

768
00:31:17,473 --> 00:31:19,598
<i>Ah, I might be.
Hmm. Yeah.</i>

769
00:31:19,723 --> 00:31:21,432
Could I... could I... could I...

770
00:31:21,515 --> 00:31:24,473
could I interest you in some
rather salacious sort of...

771
00:31:24,598 --> 00:31:26,932
If I sort of do this Hugh Grant,
might that sort of...

772
00:31:27,057 --> 00:31:30,307
get you,
as it were, going, if I...

773
00:31:30,432 --> 00:31:33,598
<i>He doesn't do it for me.</i>

774
00:31:33,682 --> 00:31:36,307
<i>You know, it's like
I keep telling you,</i>

775
00:31:36,432 --> 00:31:38,473
it's like the tortoise
and the hare, all right?

776
00:31:38,598 --> 00:31:40,557
What, so I'm a tortoise?

777
00:31:40,682 --> 00:31:41,598
Great.

778
00:31:41,682 --> 00:31:42,807
Speaking of boiled eggs,

779
00:31:42,932 --> 00:31:44,890
I'm not wearing
any pajama bottoms.

780
00:31:45,015 --> 00:31:47,640
<i>Ah, you saucy boy.</i>

781
00:31:47,765 --> 00:31:49,932
Don't say "ah. "

782
00:31:50,057 --> 00:31:51,348
You should say "ooh. "

783
00:31:51,473 --> 00:31:52,432
<i>Fwah.</i>

784
00:31:52,515 --> 00:31:54,223
Yeah, "fwah. "
Thank you.

785
00:31:54,307 --> 00:31:55,598
Someone overheard
Nick Stevens

786
00:31:55,723 --> 00:31:58,432
at an Endeavor meeting,
and someone brought my name up,

787
00:31:58,557 --> 00:32:00,557
and he said, " I wish
I'd gotten hold of Steve Coogan

788
00:32:00,682 --> 00:32:01,973
when he was 35. "

789
00:32:02,098 --> 00:32:04,848
I mean, I was...

790
00:32:04,973 --> 00:32:07,932
I thought, " Crikey, is that it?
Is it game over?"

791
00:32:08,015 --> 00:32:09,932
I mean, I'm 41.

792
00:32:10,015 --> 00:32:11,182
You're not 41.

793
00:32:11,307 --> 00:32:13,098
I'm not. No.
I'm 44.

794
00:32:13,182 --> 00:32:14,348
I've been 41 for three years.

795
00:32:14,473 --> 00:32:16,265
I've been telling people
I'm 41 for three years.

796
00:32:16,348 --> 00:32:20,015
You get yourself off
to Noddington,

797
00:32:20,140 --> 00:32:25,140
and I shall bed down here
with a rock as my pillow,

798
00:32:25,265 --> 00:32:27,515
the stars as my canopy,

799
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:32,140
and this local barmaid
as my duvet.

800
00:32:34,307 --> 00:32:35,557
I like the way
you laugh at that

801
00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:37,098
like it's not a possibility.

802
00:32:37,182 --> 00:32:38,848
<i>I know it's not gonna happen.</i>

803
00:32:38,973 --> 00:32:40,432
What do you mean
it's not gonna happen?

804
00:32:40,515 --> 00:32:41,765
<i>Well, I mean, it could.</i>

805
00:32:41,848 --> 00:32:43,307
I pulled you.

806
00:32:43,432 --> 00:32:44,765
<i>It's a good time for you,
you know?</i>

807
00:32:44,848 --> 00:32:46,140
<i>It's a good time
to be Steve Coogan.</i>

808
00:32:46,265 --> 00:32:47,598
Okay, good.
That all sounds great.

809
00:32:47,682 --> 00:32:49,182
<i>- This is your year.
- I hope so.</i>

810
00:32:49,307 --> 00:32:51,182
<i>I can't do anything
when you're stuck over there,</i>

811
00:32:51,307 --> 00:32:52,182
<i>all right?</i>

812
00:32:52,307 --> 00:32:53,557
<i>So get your ass back here.</i>

813
00:32:53,640 --> 00:32:55,473
Okay, we'll do that.
Thanks for the call then.

814
00:32:55,598 --> 00:32:58,557
<i>- Ciao.
- Okay, bye.</i>

815
00:33:14,265 --> 00:33:15,140
It's incredible.

816
00:33:15,265 --> 00:33:17,015
Everybody wants
to work with you.

817
00:33:17,140 --> 00:33:20,265
I get a call from P.T. Anderson.
I get a call from Wes Anderson.

818
00:33:20,390 --> 00:33:24,182
Noah Baumbach, Todd Haynes,
Alexander Payne, all of them.

819
00:33:24,307 --> 00:33:25,223
They're all auteurs.

820
00:33:25,307 --> 00:33:26,598
Yeah,
and they're all geniuses,

821
00:33:26,723 --> 00:33:28,140
and they want to work
with the genius.

822
00:33:28,265 --> 00:33:29,932
I want to do
mainstream movies.

823
00:33:30,057 --> 00:33:32,973
Well, the Farrelly brothers
want to work with you, okay?

824
00:33:33,098 --> 00:33:34,557
The Scotts, Tony and Ridley,

825
00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:35,848
they want to do
a movie together.

826
00:33:35,973 --> 00:33:37,348
Never done that before.

827
00:33:37,473 --> 00:33:39,640
They want to do a thing with you
where it's, like, the future,

828
00:33:39,765 --> 00:33:41,432
but it's 500 years in the past,

829
00:33:41,515 --> 00:33:43,057
and you're, like,
some guy who's, like,

830
00:33:43,140 --> 00:33:44,057
a warrior that came...

831
00:33:44,140 --> 00:33:45,140
I don't even know what it is,

832
00:33:45,223 --> 00:33:46,932
but they want
to do it with you, okay?

833
00:33:47,057 --> 00:33:48,307
It's incredible.

834
00:33:48,432 --> 00:33:50,182
Coens, calling up.

835
00:33:50,307 --> 00:33:52,432
Wachowskis, both of them
want to work with you.

836
00:33:52,557 --> 00:33:54,682
All the brothers, my man.

837
00:33:54,807 --> 00:33:57,265
All the brothers
want a piece of Coogs.

838
00:33:57,348 --> 00:33:59,515
It's like...
I can't believe it's happening.

839
00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:01,598
Well, Steve, guess what.

840
00:34:01,682 --> 00:34:04,223
Wake up.
Smell the coffee, all right?

841
00:34:04,307 --> 00:34:05,973
The dream is happening
right now.

842
00:34:06,098 --> 00:34:07,640
You're living the dream, Steve.

843
00:34:08,765 --> 00:34:09,640
It's all a dream.

844
00:34:09,765 --> 00:34:13,223
Come back.
Wait, come back.

845
00:34:13,348 --> 00:34:16,640
Can't. I got a thing.
But...

846
00:34:16,765 --> 00:34:19,557
I don't think I'll talk to you
later, but at some point, okay?

847
00:34:34,098 --> 00:34:36,057
So I thought we'd take the B5278

848
00:34:36,182 --> 00:34:38,182
along the west bank
of Windermere.

849
00:34:38,307 --> 00:34:39,557
Then when we get to Rydal,

850
00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:42,432
we're gonna take the A591
up to Keswick.

851
00:34:42,557 --> 00:34:45,765
I've printed out
some reviews...

852
00:34:45,890 --> 00:34:47,098
Oh, great.
Oh, that's good.

853
00:34:47,182 --> 00:34:50,098
For L'enclume, and basically,
with L'enclume,

854
00:34:50,223 --> 00:34:51,432
you can say whatever you want,

855
00:34:51,515 --> 00:34:55,182
because it goes from
the terrible to the wonderful.

856
00:34:55,307 --> 00:34:57,723
Victor Lewis-Smith.

857
00:34:57,807 --> 00:35:01,015
"Never mind all the talk
of inventiveness and variety,

858
00:35:01,140 --> 00:35:03,682
"the result was as formulaic
as McDonald's

859
00:35:03,807 --> 00:35:06,807
"with the same splatter
of Technicolor bird shit

860
00:35:06,932 --> 00:35:08,265
on every plate. "

861
00:35:08,348 --> 00:35:10,098
- Then...
- That's a bit unkind.

862
00:35:10,182 --> 00:35:13,140
<i>Giles Coren in The Times.</i>

863
00:35:13,265 --> 00:35:16,390
"Love is not strong enough
to describe what I felt

864
00:35:16,473 --> 00:35:17,973
"about L'enclume in Cartmel.

865
00:35:18,057 --> 00:35:21,098
"I am breathless
with admiration, respect,

866
00:35:21,223 --> 00:35:24,848
"and awe for the skill,
imagination, and restraint

867
00:35:24,973 --> 00:35:27,890
"of the 20-odd plates
of Simon Rogan's food

868
00:35:27,973 --> 00:35:30,307
that I ate in my two visits. "

869
00:35:30,432 --> 00:35:31,765
2/3 of the way through that,

870
00:35:31,890 --> 00:35:33,973
you were thinking of doing
Anthony Hopkins, weren't you?

871
00:35:34,098 --> 00:35:35,307
- Yes.
- Yeah, I heard it.

872
00:35:35,432 --> 00:35:37,140
- I heard it in your voice.
- Are you glad I didn't?

873
00:35:37,265 --> 00:35:39,682
I am glad you didn't.
I admire your restraint.

874
00:35:39,807 --> 00:35:41,307
" I was dazzled,

875
00:35:41,432 --> 00:35:44,598
"blown away by the originality,
integrity, and extravagance.

876
00:35:44,723 --> 00:35:47,682
"I found it the best restaurant
experience over the years.

877
00:35:47,807 --> 00:35:50,307
Love is not strong enough to
describe what I felt about it!"

878
00:35:50,432 --> 00:35:51,682
Please, Christ.

879
00:35:51,807 --> 00:35:53,765
Restaurant I would easily
promise to honor and obey!

880
00:35:53,890 --> 00:35:55,182
I will honor you, sir!

881
00:35:55,307 --> 00:35:56,765
I will honor you
and the restaurant, sir!

882
00:35:56,890 --> 00:36:00,765
No, sir! No, sir!
I shall not, ah!

883
00:36:00,890 --> 00:36:02,973
I'm breathless
with admiration and respect...

884
00:36:03,098 --> 00:36:04,515
All right. All right.
Jesus Christ.

885
00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:06,098
It's so early,
shouting like that.

886
00:36:06,223 --> 00:36:09,307
It's really horrible.
It's really unpleasant.

887
00:36:09,432 --> 00:36:11,015
Well, he is when he does that,
isn't he?

888
00:36:11,140 --> 00:36:13,973
I know. I know.
He is, and by default, you are.

889
00:36:14,098 --> 00:36:17,057
Well, yeah,
because I inhabit the role, sir.

890
00:36:17,140 --> 00:36:19,223
I'm not a turn, am I?
I inhabit the role.

891
00:36:19,307 --> 00:36:20,807
Yeah, no,
you're a real method actor.

892
00:36:20,932 --> 00:36:21,973
Yeah.

893
00:36:22,098 --> 00:36:23,557
You're right up there
with Pacino and...

894
00:36:23,682 --> 00:36:25,223
Oh, Christ,
I better be careful what I say.

895
00:36:25,348 --> 00:36:26,557
What do you got?

896
00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:32,265
Hello, hello,
there's method in my madness.

897
00:36:44,807 --> 00:36:46,473
Why are we self-catering?

898
00:36:46,598 --> 00:36:50,265
We thought we would go
and stay the night at Greta Hall

899
00:36:50,390 --> 00:36:53,223
when Mischa was gonna come
with me originally,

900
00:36:53,307 --> 00:36:55,682
because we thought
we could make love in the bed

901
00:36:55,807 --> 00:37:00,098
that Coleridge slept in
and made love in

902
00:37:00,182 --> 00:37:05,223
and that it would lend
a poetic, romantic frisson

903
00:37:05,307 --> 00:37:07,765
to our congress.

904
00:37:07,848 --> 00:37:10,807
Still be romantic,
just the two of us.

905
00:37:10,890 --> 00:37:13,098
- We can be chummy.
- Yeah, yeah, chummy.

906
00:37:13,223 --> 00:37:14,473
- Yeah.
- Chummy.

907
00:37:14,598 --> 00:37:15,765
Without the bum.

908
00:37:15,848 --> 00:37:18,557
- Bumless chums.
- Bumless chums.

909
00:37:20,890 --> 00:37:23,682
Coleridge left quite quickly
after he moved here,

910
00:37:23,807 --> 00:37:28,432
so Robert Southey had his wife
and Coleridge's wife

911
00:37:28,557 --> 00:37:32,432
and another Fricker sister
living here, plus the children,

912
00:37:32,515 --> 00:37:35,682
so he was the only man
looking after all these children

913
00:37:35,807 --> 00:37:37,973
and the wives as well.

914
00:37:38,098 --> 00:37:39,973
So he, you know, he had to...

915
00:37:40,098 --> 00:37:43,265
'Cause Coleridge was off
on his travels.

916
00:37:43,348 --> 00:37:45,057
Couldn't cope with
the domesticity of life.

917
00:37:45,140 --> 00:37:46,223
He found it very difficult.

918
00:37:46,307 --> 00:37:48,432
He found it very hard
to be creative.

919
00:37:48,557 --> 00:37:50,098
Yes, yes,

920
00:37:50,223 --> 00:37:51,932
there's bells ringing
all over the place here.

921
00:37:52,057 --> 00:37:53,640
He came back, though,
didn't he?

922
00:37:53,765 --> 00:37:55,765
Periodically, he would
come back and visit, uh-huh.

923
00:37:55,890 --> 00:37:57,223
Hmm.

924
00:37:57,307 --> 00:37:59,390
We don't think... well,
there isn't very much evidence

925
00:37:59,473 --> 00:38:00,973
that he actually had sent
any money back,

926
00:38:01,098 --> 00:38:02,432
which is a bit tricky.

927
00:38:02,515 --> 00:38:05,973
I'm very consistent
with my maintenance, Rob.

928
00:38:06,057 --> 00:38:07,723
Oh, no, you are.
I would never say anything.

929
00:38:07,807 --> 00:38:10,307
In case you wanted to draw
a parallel there.

930
00:38:10,432 --> 00:38:12,223
So this was Coleridge's study.

931
00:38:12,307 --> 00:38:13,223
Wow.

932
00:38:13,307 --> 00:38:14,723
And possibly his bedroom
as well.

933
00:38:14,807 --> 00:38:15,973
Hey.

934
00:38:16,098 --> 00:38:20,640
He would, like... probably had
opium in here maybe.

935
00:38:20,765 --> 00:38:21,973
Possibly laudanum,

936
00:38:22,098 --> 00:38:23,973
because that's what they
were taking at that time,

937
00:38:24,098 --> 00:38:26,140
initially as a painkiller,
but then perhaps he would...

938
00:38:26,265 --> 00:38:28,265
well, he did become
addicted to it.

939
00:38:37,932 --> 00:38:40,890
Oh, hey.
Look at that.

940
00:38:40,973 --> 00:38:41,890
See that?

941
00:38:41,973 --> 00:38:42,890
Beautiful.

942
00:38:42,973 --> 00:38:44,765
You can't paint that.

943
00:38:44,848 --> 00:38:46,057
Well...

944
00:38:46,140 --> 00:38:48,682
Well, you could,
but it'd be a bit rubbish.

945
00:38:48,807 --> 00:38:50,432
Probably sell it
for about 25 quid

946
00:38:50,557 --> 00:38:53,348
in one of the tourist shops
around here.

947
00:38:53,473 --> 00:38:56,098
Fuck.

948
00:38:56,223 --> 00:38:58,098
Why do you do that, eh?
Why?

949
00:38:58,182 --> 00:39:02,348
You know it's
physically impossible?

950
00:39:04,807 --> 00:39:07,223
My back.

951
00:39:08,848 --> 00:39:09,765
Are you ready to order?

952
00:39:09,848 --> 00:39:10,765
Yes, please.

953
00:39:10,848 --> 00:39:12,140
- Shall I go first?
- Yep.

954
00:39:12,265 --> 00:39:14,765
Could I have the scallops
to start, please?

955
00:39:14,890 --> 00:39:17,598
And then I'll have the pigeon
as the main course.

956
00:39:17,723 --> 00:39:20,223
I will have the rabbit,
please,

957
00:39:20,307 --> 00:39:21,598
followed by the lamb.

958
00:39:21,723 --> 00:39:22,848
Thank you.

959
00:39:22,973 --> 00:39:24,640
Nice image,
rabbit following a lamb.

960
00:39:25,473 --> 00:39:27,557
That's a bit weird.
Rob.

961
00:39:27,640 --> 00:39:28,682
A bit weird.

962
00:39:28,807 --> 00:39:30,848
Oh, yeah.

963
00:39:30,973 --> 00:39:32,557
Can we have a knife
for the butter, please,

964
00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:34,015
and a rolled-up �20 note
for the salt?

965
00:39:34,140 --> 00:39:35,432
Thank you.

966
00:39:35,557 --> 00:39:37,307
Gentlemen, your wines.

967
00:39:37,432 --> 00:39:40,848
The Cheverny
and the Chablis Premier Cru.

968
00:39:40,973 --> 00:39:43,432
Ah, marvelous.

969
00:39:43,557 --> 00:39:44,557
Premier Cru.

970
00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:45,848
I know that that means
it's good.

971
00:39:45,973 --> 00:39:46,848
Premier Cru.

972
00:39:46,973 --> 00:39:48,932
Premier, first, the best.

973
00:39:49,015 --> 00:39:52,348
Cru?

974
00:39:52,473 --> 00:39:53,348
Don't know.

975
00:39:55,140 --> 00:39:57,265
Mystery. Mystery.
But that's good.

976
00:39:57,390 --> 00:39:59,098
It's good to have mystery
about these things.

977
00:39:59,182 --> 00:40:03,182
It's a premier. That's good.
It's the first of something.

978
00:40:03,307 --> 00:40:06,598
Okay, service.
Table six, scallops.

979
00:40:06,682 --> 00:40:08,765
Lovely.

980
00:40:08,890 --> 00:40:10,390
This is Hazlett on Coleridge.

981
00:40:10,515 --> 00:40:15,973
"All that he had done of moment
he had done 20 years ago.

982
00:40:16,057 --> 00:40:17,807
"Since then, he maybe is said

983
00:40:17,932 --> 00:40:19,890
"to live on the sound
of his own voice.

984
00:40:20,015 --> 00:40:21,848
He is a general lover
of art and science. "

985
00:40:21,973 --> 00:40:22,932
That's true.

986
00:40:23,015 --> 00:40:24,598
"And wedded to no one
in particular. "

987
00:40:24,723 --> 00:40:27,682
Okay, it's about me.
I didn't realize, but carry on.

988
00:40:27,807 --> 00:40:29,765
" He pursues knowledge
as a mistress. "

989
00:40:29,890 --> 00:40:31,182
Okay.

990
00:40:31,307 --> 00:40:33,432
" It was not to be supposed
that Mr. Coleridge could keep on

991
00:40:33,557 --> 00:40:34,723
"at the rate he set off.

992
00:40:34,807 --> 00:40:35,848
"A-ha.

993
00:40:35,973 --> 00:40:37,473
He could not realize all"...

994
00:40:37,598 --> 00:40:38,765
Is that written down?

995
00:40:38,890 --> 00:40:41,182
" And less could not fix
his desultory ambition.

996
00:40:41,307 --> 00:40:45,265
Other stimulants
supplied the place"...

997
00:40:45,390 --> 00:40:47,265
Careful, you were going
to Jimmy Saville then,

998
00:40:47,390 --> 00:40:48,765
but I'll let it go.

999
00:40:48,890 --> 00:40:53,348
" Other stimulants supplied
the place and kept up

1000
00:40:53,473 --> 00:40:56,598
"the intoxicating dream,
the fever, and the madness

1001
00:40:56,723 --> 00:40:59,557
of his early impressions. "

1002
00:40:59,640 --> 00:41:01,973
Right.
I don't do impressions.

1003
00:41:02,098 --> 00:41:05,848
I'm saying that it can be hard
to have a big success.

1004
00:41:05,973 --> 00:41:09,890
Bob Balaban said, " Never be hot.
Always be warm. "

1005
00:41:10,015 --> 00:41:12,432
And a lot of the people that are
thought of as great had...

1006
00:41:13,598 --> 00:41:14,765
supernova moments.

1007
00:41:14,848 --> 00:41:16,098
Where do you go from there?

1008
00:41:16,223 --> 00:41:18,932
Well, it's difficult,
you know,

1009
00:41:19,015 --> 00:41:21,765
once you've achieved greatness,
to match that.

1010
00:41:21,848 --> 00:41:22,765
I imagine it is.

1011
00:41:22,890 --> 00:41:25,265
Yeah,
and you'll always imagine,

1012
00:41:25,390 --> 00:41:26,682
because it's not a problem

1013
00:41:26,807 --> 00:41:28,015
you'll ever have
to contend with.

1014
00:41:28,140 --> 00:41:29,682
But that's not
a problem for me, why?

1015
00:41:29,807 --> 00:41:31,265
I'd rather be me than you,

1016
00:41:31,348 --> 00:41:35,015
because I'd rather have
these moments of genius

1017
00:41:35,140 --> 00:41:41,015
than a lifetime of mediocrity.

1018
00:41:41,140 --> 00:41:43,598
My career is not mediocre.

1019
00:41:43,723 --> 00:41:47,098
Doesn't matter
about the thyme.

1020
00:41:47,182 --> 00:41:48,432
- Scallops.
- Thank you very much.

1021
00:41:48,515 --> 00:41:50,515
Thank you.

1022
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:52,098
Golly. Thank you.

1023
00:41:54,057 --> 00:41:55,265
I always think of Coleridge

1024
00:41:55,390 --> 00:41:57,473
as sort of a Richard Burton
type character.

1025
00:41:57,598 --> 00:42:00,515
In Xanadu did Kubla Kahn

1026
00:42:00,640 --> 00:42:02,848
a stately pleasure-dome decree

1027
00:42:02,973 --> 00:42:04,973
where Alph,
the sacred river, ran

1028
00:42:05,098 --> 00:42:11,098
through caverns measureless
to man down to a soundless sea.

1029
00:42:11,223 --> 00:42:12,307
I'm very impressed with that.

1030
00:42:12,432 --> 00:42:14,015
You shocked me,
'cause I would have thought

1031
00:42:14,140 --> 00:42:15,765
that you would have preferred

1032
00:42:15,890 --> 00:42:19,140
<i>Olivia Newton-John's
version of Xanadu.</i>

1033
00:42:19,265 --> 00:42:21,807
I think both Newton-John
and Coleridge

1034
00:42:21,932 --> 00:42:25,265
tackled the subject of Xanadu
with varying degrees of success.

1035
00:42:25,390 --> 00:42:28,098
They call it Xanadu.

1036
00:42:28,182 --> 00:42:29,182
Yes.

1037
00:42:29,307 --> 00:42:30,473
Xanadu.

1038
00:42:30,598 --> 00:42:32,932
Xaaaanadu.

1039
00:42:33,015 --> 00:42:34,765
In Xanadu.

1040
00:42:34,848 --> 00:42:36,348
First one, pigeon,
lamb encore,

1041
00:42:36,473 --> 00:42:38,098
followed by duck, lamb encore.

1042
00:42:45,682 --> 00:42:46,765
Thank you.

1043
00:42:46,890 --> 00:42:49,098
Golly, that does look nice.

1044
00:42:49,182 --> 00:42:50,390
That looks lovely.
What is that?

1045
00:42:50,473 --> 00:42:51,598
- Pigeon.
- Really?

1046
00:42:51,723 --> 00:42:52,723
Yeah.

1047
00:42:55,223 --> 00:42:56,098
Mmm.

1048
00:42:56,223 --> 00:42:58,057
It's a little like haggis.

1049
00:42:58,140 --> 00:43:00,015
Yeah?

1050
00:43:00,140 --> 00:43:01,973
Anyone ever asks you
to go on a haggis hunt,

1051
00:43:02,098 --> 00:43:03,765
be careful what you say.

1052
00:43:03,890 --> 00:43:05,432
They've taken you for a fool.

1053
00:43:05,557 --> 00:43:08,557
Taken you for a fool.

1054
00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:10,598
As a bloody fool.

1055
00:43:10,723 --> 00:43:12,598
There's no such thing
as a haggis hunt.

1056
00:43:18,348 --> 00:43:20,515
I just imagined myself
pointing my knife upside down

1057
00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:23,973
and just pressing my head
onto it.

1058
00:43:24,098 --> 00:43:25,807
Desperate to be
taken seriously, aren't you?

1059
00:43:25,932 --> 00:43:27,265
No.

1060
00:43:27,390 --> 00:43:30,807
You can't treat your entire life
like a Radio 4 panel show.

1061
00:43:30,932 --> 00:43:34,265
Buzz.
Yes, you can.

1062
00:43:34,348 --> 00:43:39,598
Alex James said he celebrated
his 20th birthday with alcohol,

1063
00:43:39,682 --> 00:43:43,973
his 30th with drugs,
and his 40th with food.

1064
00:43:44,098 --> 00:43:45,390
Is that how it is for you?

1065
00:43:45,473 --> 00:43:48,765
Um...

1066
00:43:48,848 --> 00:43:50,890
Well, don't you find
it exhausting,

1067
00:43:50,973 --> 00:43:54,682
still running around, going
to parties and chasing girls...

1068
00:43:54,807 --> 00:43:56,140
I don't run around
and go to parties.

1069
00:43:56,265 --> 00:43:57,557
I don't run around
and chase girls.

1070
00:43:57,640 --> 00:43:58,598
You do.

1071
00:43:58,682 --> 00:43:59,890
- No, I don't...
- You chase girls.

1072
00:43:59,973 --> 00:44:00,890
I don't chase them.

1073
00:44:00,973 --> 00:44:02,265
You make me sound
like Benny Hill.

1074
00:44:02,348 --> 00:44:04,515
But don't you find all that
exhausting at your age?

1075
00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:05,765
No.

1076
00:44:05,890 --> 00:44:07,598
Do you find it exhausting
looking after a baby?

1077
00:44:07,682 --> 00:44:08,973
Yes, I do.

1078
00:44:09,098 --> 00:44:11,807
Yeah, well...

1079
00:44:11,932 --> 00:44:14,390
everything's exhausting
when you're past 40.

1080
00:44:17,515 --> 00:44:19,057
Everything's exhausting
at our age.

1081
00:44:28,765 --> 00:44:30,057
Hi, Emma.

1082
00:44:30,140 --> 00:44:31,348
<i>Hey, are you all right?</i>

1083
00:44:31,473 --> 00:44:32,848
Yeah, I got a missed call.

1084
00:44:32,973 --> 00:44:34,348
<i>Yeah, I was just phoning</i>

1085
00:44:34,473 --> 00:44:36,223
to remind you
about the photographer.

1086
00:44:36,307 --> 00:44:38,098
She's gonna meet you
at Hipping Hall tomorrow.

1087
00:44:38,223 --> 00:44:41,015
Okay. Well... hang on.
A photographer?

1088
00:44:41,140 --> 00:44:43,890
<i>Yeah, for the photos
for the article.</i>

1089
00:44:43,973 --> 00:44:46,182
<i>We talked about it
in the office, remember?</i>

1090
00:44:46,307 --> 00:44:47,473
<i>Yeah, it's on my itinerary.</i>

1091
00:44:47,598 --> 00:44:48,848
Okay, yeah. Okay.

1092
00:44:48,973 --> 00:44:51,432
<i>Her name's Yolanda,
by the way.</i>

1093
00:44:51,557 --> 00:44:54,057
And I'm gonna come up with her
tomorrow, so you'll see me then.

1094
00:44:54,182 --> 00:44:55,682
Oh, so I'll see you
tomorrow then, yeah?

1095
00:44:55,807 --> 00:44:57,098
<i>Yeah, see you tomorrow.
All right.</i>

1096
00:44:57,223 --> 00:44:58,098
<i>- Good.
- Take care.</i>

1097
00:44:58,223 --> 00:44:59,223
Okay, bye. Bye.

1098
00:45:06,223 --> 00:45:08,390
A - ha!

1099
00:45:11,723 --> 00:45:14,140
This is Langdale.

1100
00:45:14,265 --> 00:45:15,640
You know what that means?

1101
00:45:15,765 --> 00:45:18,265
It means "long valley"
in Viking.

1102
00:45:18,390 --> 00:45:20,890
- This would have...
- Oh!

1103
00:45:20,973 --> 00:45:23,098
All this was formed
in the last ice age,

1104
00:45:23,223 --> 00:45:24,932
about 10,000 years ago.

1105
00:45:25,057 --> 00:45:26,682
Incredible, isn't it?

1106
00:45:26,807 --> 00:45:29,973
How far are we gonna go?

1107
00:45:30,098 --> 00:45:30,973
A little bit further.

1108
00:45:31,098 --> 00:45:31,973
Because it's late.

1109
00:45:32,098 --> 00:45:33,348
I know. I know.

1110
00:45:33,473 --> 00:45:35,432
As you can see, the sun is now
on the other side of the...

1111
00:45:35,515 --> 00:45:37,140
- Hello.
- It's okay. Hello.

1112
00:45:37,265 --> 00:45:42,515
Human history has been recorded
for, what, 3,000 years?

1113
00:45:42,640 --> 00:45:46,348
and yet, you know, right now,
we're in a warm period,

1114
00:45:46,473 --> 00:45:48,682
but there's gonna be another
ice age very soon,

1115
00:45:48,807 --> 00:45:50,932
in about, say,
another 3,000 years,

1116
00:45:51,057 --> 00:45:52,848
but that's the blink of an eye.

1117
00:45:52,973 --> 00:45:56,723
The rocks here were formed
400 million years ago.

1118
00:45:56,807 --> 00:45:58,265
400 million years ago.

1119
00:45:58,348 --> 00:46:00,265
It's like... where we are now,

1120
00:46:00,390 --> 00:46:03,015
this was a huge
volcanic caldera.

1121
00:46:03,140 --> 00:46:05,807
This was a volcanic lake
of molten volcano,

1122
00:46:05,932 --> 00:46:07,807
and it was on a land mass
called Avalonia

1123
00:46:07,932 --> 00:46:10,390
that drifted from the South Pole
all the way to where we are now

1124
00:46:10,515 --> 00:46:11,973
over sort of hundreds
of million years.

1125
00:46:12,098 --> 00:46:14,265
We shouldn't probably
go much further

1126
00:46:14,390 --> 00:46:15,890
just because of the light.

1127
00:46:26,140 --> 00:46:28,932
It's... isn't that beautiful,
that?

1128
00:46:29,057 --> 00:46:30,973
Yeah.

1129
00:46:31,098 --> 00:46:34,265
I think it almost is
more beautiful in the mist.

1130
00:46:36,515 --> 00:46:40,515
It's like a...
It's like a Turner painting.

1131
00:47:03,640 --> 00:47:05,598
Let me get two tickets
for Dove Cottage.

1132
00:47:05,682 --> 00:47:10,765
I'm really sorry, sir,
but the last admission is 5:00.

1133
00:47:10,890 --> 00:47:15,640
Right, okay, well,
it's five past.

1134
00:47:15,765 --> 00:47:17,682
I'm really sorry, sir,
but these are the rules.

1135
00:47:17,807 --> 00:47:18,932
We'll be very quick.

1136
00:47:19,057 --> 00:47:22,640
Yes, I know, but that
really wouldn't be fair

1137
00:47:22,765 --> 00:47:24,015
on all the other latecomers.

1138
00:47:24,140 --> 00:47:25,973
What other latecomers?
I can't see anyone.

1139
00:47:26,098 --> 00:47:27,932
No, I know.
Not at the moment, but...

1140
00:47:28,015 --> 00:47:30,015
Please?
We've come from London.

1141
00:47:30,140 --> 00:47:31,348
Why didn't you come earlier?

1142
00:47:31,473 --> 00:47:35,015
Well, that's... because I got
stuck in traffic.

1143
00:47:35,140 --> 00:47:36,140
Well, I'm really sorry.

1144
00:47:36,265 --> 00:47:37,682
Perhaps you could
come back tomorrow.

1145
00:47:37,807 --> 00:47:39,890
- I can't come back tomorrow.
- Is this man troubling you?

1146
00:47:39,973 --> 00:47:42,057
What are you doing?
Honestly.

1147
00:47:42,182 --> 00:47:43,598
We just wondered
if we could pop inside

1148
00:47:43,723 --> 00:47:45,098
and have a little look
at the cottage.

1149
00:47:45,182 --> 00:47:46,098
Mr. Brydon?

1150
00:47:46,182 --> 00:47:47,432
Yes, it is.

1151
00:47:47,515 --> 00:47:49,057
It's very nice to meet you.

1152
00:47:49,182 --> 00:47:50,765
Would you do something for me?

1153
00:47:50,890 --> 00:47:53,098
Depends what it is.

1154
00:47:53,223 --> 00:47:57,890
I have a grandson,
and he loves that tiny man...

1155
00:47:57,973 --> 00:47:58,932
Small man in a box?

1156
00:47:59,015 --> 00:48:00,765
Small man in the box
that you do.

1157
00:48:00,848 --> 00:48:02,973
Could you sign this for him?

1158
00:48:03,098 --> 00:48:03,973
Sure. Yeah.

1159
00:48:04,098 --> 00:48:05,432
Thank you. Thank you.

1160
00:48:05,557 --> 00:48:06,432
What's his name?

1161
00:48:06,557 --> 00:48:08,432
His name is William.

1162
00:48:08,557 --> 00:48:12,015
Well, look, I'll sign this
for William, okay, if...

1163
00:48:12,140 --> 00:48:13,473
if my friend and I

1164
00:48:13,598 --> 00:48:15,515
can go take a look
at Dove Cottage.

1165
00:48:15,640 --> 00:48:16,848
What do you say?

1166
00:48:16,973 --> 00:48:19,682
I don't understand that.

1167
00:48:21,557 --> 00:48:23,682
Why do people
have to be like that?

1168
00:48:23,807 --> 00:48:25,932
She wasn't being
like anything.

1169
00:48:26,057 --> 00:48:28,307
It is only open
for another half an hour,

1170
00:48:28,432 --> 00:48:32,307
and that woman, in all fairness,
is probably bereaved.

1171
00:48:32,432 --> 00:48:34,765
Yeah, but why... it's not
my fault her husband's dead.

1172
00:48:34,848 --> 00:48:36,723
No, but you...

1173
00:48:36,807 --> 00:48:39,098
Old people, at some time...
not all old people,

1174
00:48:39,182 --> 00:48:41,890
but a lot of them...
seek out aggravation.

1175
00:48:41,973 --> 00:48:43,807
Oh, that's total rubbish.

1176
00:48:43,932 --> 00:48:45,307
She was lovely.

1177
00:48:46,932 --> 00:48:50,098
Looks not unlike yourself
in that picture.

1178
00:48:53,515 --> 00:48:55,515
Okay, ready?
One, two...

1179
00:49:09,807 --> 00:49:10,682
Want some?

1180
00:49:10,807 --> 00:49:12,015
Uh, no, thank you.

1181
00:49:12,140 --> 00:49:13,015
Sure?

1182
00:49:13,140 --> 00:49:14,515
Absolutely.

1183
00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:15,598
I never smoked.

1184
00:49:15,723 --> 00:49:18,098
Mm.

1185
00:49:18,223 --> 00:49:21,057
That's the trouble with you,
Rob.

1186
00:49:21,140 --> 00:49:22,932
You're not open
to new experiences.

1187
00:49:24,848 --> 00:49:28,432
I would remind you of the time
I had a Red Bull and Coke.

1188
00:49:31,640 --> 00:49:35,932
That's not what Coleridge
would have been imbibing.

1189
00:49:36,015 --> 00:49:38,515
He wouldn't have been having
a spliff, would he?

1190
00:49:38,640 --> 00:49:40,557
No, he wouldn't, but I mean,
if they'd been around...

1191
00:49:40,640 --> 00:49:41,932
He would
have definitely partaken

1192
00:49:42,057 --> 00:49:43,223
if they'd have been around.

1193
00:49:43,307 --> 00:49:45,098
If you really want
to pay tribute to him,

1194
00:49:45,182 --> 00:49:48,515
you should be having some opium.

1195
00:49:48,640 --> 00:49:51,182
What, that's...

1196
00:49:51,307 --> 00:49:52,598
Or its modern-day equivalent.

1197
00:49:52,723 --> 00:49:53,723
This is... well, this is...

1198
00:49:53,848 --> 00:49:55,515
well, no, the modern-day
equivalent of that,

1199
00:49:55,640 --> 00:49:56,515
that's heroin.

1200
00:49:56,640 --> 00:49:58,098
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

1201
00:49:58,223 --> 00:50:00,932
I'm not a junkie, Rob.

1202
00:50:01,057 --> 00:50:03,682
I'm not encouraging you
to become hooked on heroin.

1203
00:50:03,807 --> 00:50:04,682
I'm just saying...

1204
00:50:04,807 --> 00:50:05,932
It sounds like you are.

1205
00:50:06,057 --> 00:50:07,140
I'm not.
Why would I do that?

1206
00:50:07,265 --> 00:50:09,307
I don't know.
For a laugh.

1207
00:50:09,432 --> 00:50:11,098
Ha-ha.
It was a hell of a laugh.

1208
00:50:11,223 --> 00:50:14,057
You know Steve?
You seen Steve lately?

1209
00:50:14,140 --> 00:50:15,390
He's living
at the council estate

1210
00:50:15,473 --> 00:50:16,598
curled up in his own shit.

1211
00:50:16,682 --> 00:50:18,432
Aye.
That was my doing, that was.

1212
00:50:18,557 --> 00:50:20,057
I suggested he try heroin.

1213
00:50:20,140 --> 00:50:22,265
Cracking idea.

1214
00:50:22,390 --> 00:50:23,390
I would never do that.

1215
00:50:29,515 --> 00:50:35,223
Most creative... the most
creative people smoke, you know,

1216
00:50:35,307 --> 00:50:37,390
smoke marijuana, smoke hash.

1217
00:50:51,640 --> 00:50:52,973
Are you Steve Coogan?

1218
00:50:53,098 --> 00:50:53,973
Yes, I am.

1219
00:50:54,098 --> 00:50:55,348
A - ha!

1220
00:50:55,473 --> 00:50:56,973
A - ha.

1221
00:50:57,098 --> 00:50:58,807
- All right, man. How you doing?
- Fine, thanks.

1222
00:50:58,932 --> 00:51:00,348
Yeah, listen, do us a favor,
would you?

1223
00:51:00,473 --> 00:51:01,473
Will you sign that?

1224
00:51:01,598 --> 00:51:02,932
- Yes, of course.
- Make it out to Paul.

1225
00:51:03,057 --> 00:51:05,057
Okay.

1226
00:51:05,140 --> 00:51:07,432
- Can I ask you a question?
- Yeah, of course, absolutely.

1227
00:51:07,557 --> 00:51:09,557
Is true,
what I read about you?

1228
00:51:09,682 --> 00:51:11,015
What do you read about me?

1229
00:51:11,140 --> 00:51:14,098
That you're a bit of a cunt.

1230
00:51:14,182 --> 00:51:15,432
Well, where did you read that?

1231
00:51:15,515 --> 00:51:18,390
It's in today's newspaper.
Here, look.

1232
00:51:20,098 --> 00:51:23,015
Uh, whoever said that
doesn't know me very well.

1233
00:51:23,140 --> 00:51:24,598
Are you sure?

1234
00:51:29,473 --> 00:51:30,473
What?

1235
00:51:30,598 --> 00:51:32,432
"Coogan is a cunt says dad. "

1236
00:51:33,807 --> 00:51:34,807
"Cunt"?

1237
00:51:47,223 --> 00:51:50,307
Did you not sleep well
or something?

1238
00:51:50,432 --> 00:51:51,598
No.

1239
00:51:51,682 --> 00:51:54,057
I couldn't get off
'cause of the food,

1240
00:51:54,140 --> 00:51:55,223
and then when I did get off,

1241
00:51:55,348 --> 00:51:59,098
I was having awful dreams,
really bad dreams.

1242
00:51:59,223 --> 00:52:00,682
Blue cheese.

1243
00:52:00,807 --> 00:52:03,515
Coleridge was a poor sleeper.

1244
00:52:03,640 --> 00:52:09,223
<i>I was reading his poem
called The Pains of Sleep.</i>

1245
00:52:09,307 --> 00:52:11,682
"Sleep, the wide blessing,

1246
00:52:11,807 --> 00:52:15,140
"seemed to me distemper's
worst calamity.

1247
00:52:15,265 --> 00:52:18,973
"The third night, when my own
loud scream had waked me

1248
00:52:19,098 --> 00:52:20,557
"from the fiendish dream,

1249
00:52:20,682 --> 00:52:24,348
"o'ercome with sufferings
strange and wild,

1250
00:52:24,473 --> 00:52:27,557
I wept as I had been a child. "

1251
00:52:27,640 --> 00:52:30,015
Yes.
Oh, I know that.

1252
00:52:30,140 --> 00:52:31,348
That's the drugs.

1253
00:52:31,473 --> 00:52:32,348
What?

1254
00:52:32,473 --> 00:52:33,432
Coleridge. The opium.

1255
00:52:33,557 --> 00:52:35,223
He was a big druggie.

1256
00:52:35,307 --> 00:52:36,765
Oh, yeah. Yeah.

1257
00:52:41,348 --> 00:52:43,890
You could have a costume drama
here, couldn't you?

1258
00:52:43,973 --> 00:52:45,348
I would...

1259
00:52:45,473 --> 00:52:46,932
Mel Gibson coming over
the hill.

1260
00:52:47,057 --> 00:52:49,515
I would just love to do
a costume drama in these hills,

1261
00:52:49,640 --> 00:52:52,473
just leaping, vaulting over
dry stone walls with a scabbard.

1262
00:52:52,598 --> 00:52:54,098
This, like, dead look in my eyes

1263
00:52:54,223 --> 00:52:57,223
'cause I've seen so many horrors
that I'm just immune to it.

1264
00:52:57,307 --> 00:52:58,682
And they always say
something like,

1265
00:52:58,807 --> 00:53:00,390
Gentlemen, to bed.

1266
00:53:00,473 --> 00:53:03,765
Gentlemen, to bed,
for we leave at first light.

1267
00:53:03,890 --> 00:53:09,015
Tomorrow we battle,
and we may lose our lives,

1268
00:53:09,140 --> 00:53:13,432
but remember,
death is but a moment.

1269
00:53:13,557 --> 00:53:15,557
Cowardice is a lifetime
of affliction.

1270
00:53:15,640 --> 00:53:16,682
Nice.

1271
00:53:16,807 --> 00:53:20,348
To bed,
for we rise at daybreak!

1272
00:53:20,473 --> 00:53:22,723
Very good. Very good.
Very impressive.

1273
00:53:22,807 --> 00:53:23,765
Always leave at daybreak.

1274
00:53:23,890 --> 00:53:28,473
No, they never leave at,
you know, 9:30.

1275
00:53:28,598 --> 00:53:30,182
Gentlemen, to bed,

1276
00:53:30,307 --> 00:53:31,182
for we leave at 9:30.

1277
00:53:31,307 --> 00:53:32,807
- Ish.
- Ish.

1278
00:53:32,932 --> 00:53:36,890
Gentlemen, to bed,
for we rise at...

1279
00:53:37,015 --> 00:53:39,098
What time is the battle?

1280
00:53:39,223 --> 00:53:41,015
It's about, oh, 12:00?

1281
00:53:41,140 --> 00:53:42,473
Right, 12:00.

1282
00:53:42,598 --> 00:53:46,348
That's about, on horseback,
about three hours or something.

1283
00:53:46,473 --> 00:53:51,140
So we leave about 8:00, 8:30?

1284
00:53:51,265 --> 00:53:53,432
- 8:30 for 9:00.
- Yes.

1285
00:53:53,515 --> 00:53:57,473
Gentlemen, to bed,
for we leave at 8:30 for 9:00,

1286
00:53:57,598 --> 00:54:01,973
and we rise at just after day...
7:30, so just after daybreak.

1287
00:54:02,098 --> 00:54:06,515
Gentlemen, to bed, for we leave
at 9:30 on the dot.

1288
00:54:06,640 --> 00:54:08,140
On the dot.

1289
00:54:08,265 --> 00:54:10,057
Do you want to have a run,
sire, in the morning?

1290
00:54:10,140 --> 00:54:12,598
- Yes. Yes.
- To loosen up, sire.

1291
00:54:12,682 --> 00:54:14,348
You know the other thing
they never say is...

1292
00:54:14,473 --> 00:54:15,890
Right, well,

1293
00:54:15,973 --> 00:54:17,265
we'd better make a move.

1294
00:54:17,348 --> 00:54:21,182
I want to get back in daylight.
We'd better make a move.

1295
00:54:21,265 --> 00:54:25,473
To bed. Tomorrow we rise.
We leave at 10:00-ish.

1296
00:54:25,598 --> 00:54:30,265
But now to bed, unless you are
one of those people, like me,

1297
00:54:30,390 --> 00:54:34,432
who finds it very hard to get
off after he's eaten cheese,

1298
00:54:34,557 --> 00:54:37,723
in which case,
stay awhile by the fire,

1299
00:54:37,807 --> 00:54:39,598
talk of battles past and old,

1300
00:54:39,723 --> 00:54:45,098
and then and only then, sire,
go thee to bed.

1301
00:54:45,182 --> 00:54:46,807
And sleep well.

1302
00:54:46,932 --> 00:54:49,140
Sleep the sleep
of 1,000 martyrs.

1303
00:54:49,265 --> 00:54:50,848
Sleep well, my brother.

1304
00:54:50,973 --> 00:54:52,682
Sleep well, my sister.

1305
00:54:52,807 --> 00:54:55,182
Sleep with my sister.

1306
00:54:55,265 --> 00:54:56,223
Sleep well, my brother.

1307
00:54:56,307 --> 00:54:57,598
Sleep well, my sister,
but please,

1308
00:54:57,723 --> 00:54:59,098
do not sleep with my sister.

1309
00:54:59,223 --> 00:55:01,515
Leave my sister out of it,
all right?

1310
00:55:01,640 --> 00:55:02,765
Leave my sister alone.

1311
00:55:02,848 --> 00:55:05,140
Don't touch her.

1312
00:55:05,265 --> 00:55:08,682
Gentlemen, to bed,
for at daybreak, I will...

1313
00:55:08,807 --> 00:55:09,932
Breakfast.

1314
00:55:10,057 --> 00:55:10,932
We will breakfast.

1315
00:55:11,057 --> 00:55:12,057
- Sire, sire.
- Yes?

1316
00:55:12,140 --> 00:55:14,098
'T is a continental breakfast.

1317
00:55:14,223 --> 00:55:16,473
'Twill only take
20 minutes, max.

1318
00:55:16,598 --> 00:55:18,973
Thank you, Brother Rob.

1319
00:55:19,098 --> 00:55:20,765
Brother Rob?
Don't call me Brother Rob.

1320
00:55:20,848 --> 00:55:22,890
- I'd be Brother Jed.
- No, no, no.

1321
00:55:23,015 --> 00:55:25,931
<i>Have you seen Rob Roy?
Liam Neeson in a kilt.</i>

1322
00:55:26,056 --> 00:55:27,431
Of course you
could be called Rob.

1323
00:55:27,515 --> 00:55:29,181
Brother, tomorrow,

1324
00:55:29,265 --> 00:55:30,723
tomorrow we shall
have breakfast.

1325
00:55:30,806 --> 00:55:34,598
We shall rise at 9:00, and we
shall head off tomorrow morning.

1326
00:55:34,723 --> 00:55:37,181
Thank you, Brother Rob.

1327
00:55:37,265 --> 00:55:38,181
And let me say this.

1328
00:55:38,265 --> 00:55:39,181
Look into my eyes.

1329
00:55:39,265 --> 00:55:41,348
You are my brother,

1330
00:55:41,473 --> 00:55:44,431
and you sound a bit
like Billy Connolly.

1331
00:55:44,556 --> 00:55:49,098
I know.
I know. I can't help it.

1332
00:55:49,223 --> 00:55:50,515
Gentlemen, to bed,

1333
00:55:50,640 --> 00:55:52,806
for tomorrow we rise
at daybreak.

1334
00:55:52,931 --> 00:55:54,140
We rise at daybreak.

1335
00:55:54,265 --> 00:55:57,223
Why do they do that?
They always rise at daybreak.

1336
00:56:23,681 --> 00:56:25,890
They'd always... their
expressions would really match...

1337
00:56:25,973 --> 00:56:27,515

bop bop bop ba-dah

1338
00:56:27,640 --> 00:56:30,473
Yeah, big, open-face.
Happy faces.

1339
00:56:30,598 --> 00:56:33,223


1340
00:56:33,306 --> 00:56:34,265
It was nice.

1341
00:56:34,348 --> 00:56:35,890
It was a very un-cynical
kind of music.

1342
00:56:36,015 --> 00:56:39,015
I miss it.
I really miss it.

1343
00:56:47,223 --> 00:56:48,098
Hello.

1344
00:56:48,223 --> 00:56:49,515
- Hey, you all right?
- Yes.

1345
00:56:49,640 --> 00:56:51,098
This is Yolanda,
the photographer.

1346
00:56:51,223 --> 00:56:52,098
- Hi.
- This is Steve.

1347
00:56:52,223 --> 00:56:55,431
Nice to meet you.

1348
00:56:55,556 --> 00:56:56,806
- Rob.
- Hi.

1349
00:56:56,931 --> 00:56:58,223
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

1350
00:56:58,306 --> 00:56:59,265
Hi, Emma.
How are you?

1351
00:56:59,348 --> 00:57:00,598
I'm very good.
Are you all right?

1352
00:57:00,681 --> 00:57:02,890
Hello.

1353
00:57:02,973 --> 00:57:04,015
Good.

1354
00:57:04,140 --> 00:57:05,598
Don't do that.
That's very funny.

1355
00:57:05,681 --> 00:57:07,265
Yeah, there's been none
of that on the trip.

1356
00:57:07,390 --> 00:57:08,598
No, none of that.
Heavy petting.

1357
00:57:08,723 --> 00:57:10,473
- Heavy petting.
- We draw the line.

1358
00:57:10,598 --> 00:57:11,473
Pass the time somehow.

1359
00:57:11,598 --> 00:57:13,056
But no penetration.

1360
00:57:13,140 --> 00:57:14,973
- Very good.
- Absolutely.

1361
00:57:15,098 --> 00:57:18,681
Okay, it's just up here,
and I looked at all the rooms,

1362
00:57:18,806 --> 00:57:20,098
and yours is the nicest.

1363
00:57:20,223 --> 00:57:21,890
Good. Good.

1364
00:57:21,973 --> 00:57:24,473
What's Rob's room like?

1365
00:57:24,598 --> 00:57:25,598
It's nice. It's nice.

1366
00:57:25,723 --> 00:57:27,556
It's not as big as yours,
but, yeah.

1367
00:57:27,640 --> 00:57:29,765
Great.

1368
00:57:29,890 --> 00:57:31,223
There you go.

1369
00:57:31,306 --> 00:57:33,473
Oh, very nice.
Very beige.

1370
00:57:33,598 --> 00:57:34,681
Yeah, well, yeah.

1371
00:57:34,806 --> 00:57:36,181
The bathroom's through there.

1372
00:57:36,265 --> 00:57:38,015
There's, like,
a little study area,

1373
00:57:38,140 --> 00:57:39,806
and, yeah, it's all right.

1374
00:57:39,931 --> 00:57:41,265
Great. Great.

1375
00:57:41,390 --> 00:57:43,515
All right.

1376
00:57:43,640 --> 00:57:46,640
Listen, have I met
Yolanda before?

1377
00:57:46,765 --> 00:57:50,056
I don't know.
Maybe before my time maybe.

1378
00:57:50,140 --> 00:57:53,098
We need to get some sort
of a system going, you know,

1379
00:57:53,181 --> 00:57:55,390
about who I've met before
and who I haven't,

1380
00:57:55,473 --> 00:57:56,806
because they remember
meeting me,

1381
00:57:56,931 --> 00:57:58,223
and I don't remember
meeting them,

1382
00:57:58,306 --> 00:57:59,681
so that can get embarrassing.

1383
00:57:59,806 --> 00:58:01,723
- Do you want me to ask her?
- No, no, no. Don't ask her.

1384
00:58:01,806 --> 00:58:02,765
Okay. Okay.

1385
00:58:02,890 --> 00:58:05,931
Just see if
she mentions anything.

1386
00:58:06,056 --> 00:58:06,931
Right. Okay.

1387
00:58:08,556 --> 00:58:10,556
So is this all right?
Look okay?

1388
00:58:10,681 --> 00:58:11,681
Yeah, you look nice, yeah.

1389
00:58:11,806 --> 00:58:13,265
<i>Look a bit like that guy
off Top Gear.</i>

1390
00:58:13,390 --> 00:58:14,473
What, Jeremy Clarkson?

1391
00:58:14,598 --> 00:58:16,098
No, no, no, the other one.

1392
00:58:16,223 --> 00:58:17,098
Oh, Richard Hammond?

1393
00:58:17,223 --> 00:58:19,223
- Yeah, yeah.
- That's worse.

1394
00:58:19,348 --> 00:58:20,390
Well...

1395
00:58:43,973 --> 00:58:46,265
So how has the trip been
so far?

1396
00:58:46,348 --> 00:58:47,390
Rob?

1397
00:58:47,473 --> 00:58:48,931
I can honestly say

1398
00:58:49,056 --> 00:58:52,223
it's one of the most enjoyable
periods of my life.

1399
00:58:54,056 --> 00:58:56,598
Yolanda,
do you know who that is?

1400
00:58:56,723 --> 00:58:58,931
No, I don't.

1401
00:59:04,598 --> 00:59:06,015
Okay, who's this?
Ready? Who's this?

1402
00:59:06,140 --> 00:59:09,556
She was only...
She was only 15 years old.

1403
00:59:09,681 --> 00:59:12,390
She was only 15 years old.

1404
00:59:12,473 --> 00:59:15,765
She was only 15... listen
to the sound of the voice.

1405
00:59:15,848 --> 00:59:18,056
I'll give you a clue.
It's not a Muppet.

1406
00:59:19,140 --> 00:59:20,848
That's all I'm saying.

1407
00:59:20,973 --> 00:59:23,098
She was only 15 years old.

1408
00:59:23,223 --> 00:59:25,681
You're a big man,
but you're out of shape.

1409
00:59:25,806 --> 00:59:26,931
Right, but nowadays, he's...

1410
00:59:27,015 --> 00:59:28,973
Right, now, this is how
he sounds now.

1411
00:59:29,098 --> 00:59:30,515
The voice has gone...

1412
00:59:30,598 --> 00:59:33,515
Shall I prepare the Batmobile,
Master Wayne?

1413
00:59:33,598 --> 00:59:35,681
That is how he talks now.
Right?

1414
00:59:35,806 --> 00:59:37,973
<i>I've just been to do
an Italian Job</i>

1415
00:59:38,098 --> 00:59:39,681
<i>with Hannah and Her Sisters.</i>

1416
00:59:39,806 --> 00:59:42,556
<i>On the way,
I had a bit of a Zulu,</i>

1417
00:59:42,640 --> 00:59:44,098
so I had to pop to the loo,

1418
00:59:44,181 --> 00:59:48,223
and then, then, I...
I...

1419
00:59:48,306 --> 00:59:49,890
Not a lot of people know...

1420
00:59:49,973 --> 00:59:51,265
You know that?

1421
00:59:51,348 --> 00:59:53,390
- It sounds so familiar.
- He's an international star.

1422
00:59:53,473 --> 00:59:56,223
But I really... the thing is,
is it an actor?

1423
00:59:56,306 --> 00:59:57,556
Yes.

1424
00:59:57,640 --> 00:59:59,306
No, he's the man who comes
and does my boiler.

1425
00:59:59,431 --> 01:00:00,973
Yes, he's an actor.

1426
01:00:01,098 --> 01:00:03,723
He might as well be the guy
who comes and does his boiler.

1427
01:00:03,806 --> 01:00:06,390
Because if he is an actor,
in Spain, they dub the films,

1428
01:00:06,515 --> 01:00:07,431
so I really...

1429
01:00:07,515 --> 01:00:08,515
Oh, they... okay.

1430
01:00:08,598 --> 01:00:10,181
What, they dub the films?

1431
01:00:12,265 --> 01:00:13,181
Here we go.

1432
01:00:15,848 --> 01:00:17,598
Not a lot of people...

1433
01:00:17,723 --> 01:00:19,098
- That's not my accent.
- No, it's not.

1434
01:00:19,181 --> 01:00:21,723
No, no,
it's a rough approximation.

1435
01:00:21,806 --> 01:00:25,056
Do you like that racist
generalized interpretation

1436
01:00:25,140 --> 01:00:26,056
of Spanish?

1437
01:00:27,681 --> 01:00:29,056
Such an ass.

1438
01:00:29,140 --> 01:00:31,223
Right, ready, here's a clue.
This might give it to you.

1439
01:00:31,306 --> 01:00:33,890
My name is Michael Caine.

1440
01:00:33,973 --> 01:00:35,473
Okay. All right. Yeah.

1441
01:00:35,598 --> 01:00:36,556
- Who is it?
- Michael Caine.

1442
01:00:36,681 --> 01:00:37,598
Michael Caine.

1443
01:00:37,681 --> 01:00:38,931
Hey, wow.

1444
01:00:39,056 --> 01:00:41,306
Rob's was
a very entertaining version,

1445
01:00:41,431 --> 01:00:44,806
but I don't think...
I don't think it was as accurate

1446
01:00:44,931 --> 01:00:47,098
as mine.

1447
01:00:47,223 --> 01:00:50,598
She was only 15...
She was only 15 years old.

1448
01:00:50,723 --> 01:00:52,223
You're getting Michael Caine
in stereo.

1449
01:00:52,306 --> 01:00:55,056
- She was only 15...
- She was only 15 years old.

1450
01:00:55,140 --> 01:00:58,265
You were only supposed
to blow the bloody doors off.

1451
01:00:58,390 --> 01:01:01,390
She was only 15 years old.

1452
01:01:01,473 --> 01:01:03,306
Oh, my God.

1453
01:01:03,431 --> 01:01:06,181
Yeah, I do recognize him now.

1454
01:01:06,265 --> 01:01:08,598
Excellent.
Let's move on. Good.

1455
01:01:13,765 --> 01:01:15,640
Oh, wow.
Thank you very much.

1456
01:01:17,181 --> 01:01:21,098
I was thinking I could take
the photographs up in the hills.

1457
01:01:21,181 --> 01:01:23,431
I saw a place when I was coming,
very nice.

1458
01:01:23,556 --> 01:01:25,223
Oh, right.
Okay, yes. A lone walker.

1459
01:01:25,306 --> 01:01:27,098
Wandered lonely as a cloud.

1460
01:01:27,181 --> 01:01:29,598
Yeah, well, that sounds
a bit like I'm lonely.

1461
01:01:29,681 --> 01:01:30,931
You gonna change your clothes?

1462
01:01:31,056 --> 01:01:32,265
Again?

1463
01:01:32,348 --> 01:01:33,765
Well, actually...

1464
01:01:33,890 --> 01:01:35,181
I wouldn't wear that
in the hills.

1465
01:01:35,265 --> 01:01:36,181
No, you're right.

1466
01:01:36,265 --> 01:01:37,348
I've got proper walking gear.

1467
01:01:37,431 --> 01:01:39,806
I've got, you know, crampons.

1468
01:01:39,931 --> 01:01:41,390
Oh, might like to go

1469
01:01:41,515 --> 01:01:43,056
for a nice ramble, Lyn,

1470
01:01:43,140 --> 01:01:44,515
up Helvellyn.

1471
01:01:44,598 --> 01:01:48,973
Lyn, Lyn, where are my crampons?

1472
01:01:49,098 --> 01:01:53,306
Why have you brought tampons?
That's not what I said.

1473
01:01:53,431 --> 01:01:56,306
No, you fool, crampons.

1474
01:01:56,431 --> 01:01:57,723
Oh.

1475
01:01:57,806 --> 01:01:58,765
That's good.

1476
01:01:58,890 --> 01:02:00,223
You could have written
for the show,

1477
01:02:00,306 --> 01:02:03,723
'cause it's so up there
with the best stuff.

1478
01:02:03,806 --> 01:02:05,473
I've love to quote
your own stuff back at you,

1479
01:02:05,598 --> 01:02:08,015
but I just don't know any.

1480
01:02:08,140 --> 01:02:10,348
Odd, 'cause you were executive
producer on a lot of it.

1481
01:02:10,431 --> 01:02:11,848
And I still don't know any.

1482
01:02:11,973 --> 01:02:14,265
You never were that attentive
at work, were you?

1483
01:02:21,765 --> 01:02:24,181
So this is it, just kind of,
you know...

1484
01:02:24,265 --> 01:02:26,348
- Nice.
- Yeah, it's whatever.

1485
01:02:26,431 --> 01:02:28,015
It's creamy.

1486
01:02:28,140 --> 01:02:30,890
You like cream,
then you'll be happy.

1487
01:02:30,973 --> 01:02:33,556
I guess just a little
seating area there

1488
01:02:33,640 --> 01:02:35,515
and a bathroom.

1489
01:02:35,598 --> 01:02:36,890
Wow.
It's very nice.

1490
01:02:36,973 --> 01:02:38,181
Don't know why
I'm telling you.

1491
01:02:39,431 --> 01:02:41,973
Petit four.
Why are they called petit fours?

1492
01:02:42,098 --> 01:02:44,515
Little oven.
"Four" is French for "oven. "

1493
01:02:44,598 --> 01:02:46,181
Ah.

1494
01:02:46,265 --> 01:02:51,931
Yolanda, did...
have we met before?

1495
01:02:52,015 --> 01:02:53,015
Yes, we have.

1496
01:02:53,140 --> 01:02:55,265
It was five years ago.

1497
01:02:55,348 --> 01:02:57,306
<i>It was a photo shoot
for Time Out.</i>

1498
01:02:57,431 --> 01:03:01,098
Right, and did we
do something afterwards?

1499
01:03:01,223 --> 01:03:03,640
- Yes, we did.
- Okay.

1500
01:03:03,765 --> 01:03:08,223
- You don't remember?
- No, I do remember.

1501
01:03:08,348 --> 01:03:10,598
- How are you?
- I'm okay. I'm fine, yeah.

1502
01:03:10,723 --> 01:03:12,098
- Good.
- Yeah.

1503
01:03:12,223 --> 01:03:13,723
Listen, I think I'm gonna
have a line.

1504
01:03:13,848 --> 01:03:15,390
Do you want one?

1505
01:03:15,515 --> 01:03:16,848
- Coke?
- Yeah.

1506
01:03:16,973 --> 01:03:17,973
No. No. No.

1507
01:03:18,098 --> 01:03:19,931
- Do you mind if I do?
- Oh, no.

1508
01:03:20,056 --> 01:03:21,640
Okay.

1509
01:03:21,765 --> 01:03:24,265
There's a bathroom there
with lots of marble, so...

1510
01:03:24,390 --> 01:03:26,640
Okay. All right. Thank you.

1511
01:03:26,765 --> 01:03:28,431
So they're picking clothes.

1512
01:03:28,556 --> 01:03:30,556
He's probably wearing
the crampons now.

1513
01:03:30,640 --> 01:03:33,098
He's up the side
of the wardrobe.

1514
01:03:33,223 --> 01:03:35,890
What do you think?
What do you think?

1515
01:03:35,973 --> 01:03:37,890
Does this look good?

1516
01:03:37,973 --> 01:03:39,556
<i>Like Tom Cruise
in Mission: Impossible II.</i>

1517
01:03:49,640 --> 01:03:51,431
- Yolanda?
- Mm-hmm?

1518
01:03:51,515 --> 01:03:53,973
I mean, this is kind of,
sort of, you know, outdoorsy.

1519
01:03:54,098 --> 01:03:55,431
Bit of the Shackleton...

1520
01:03:55,556 --> 01:03:57,431
It's a bit too bright.

1521
01:03:57,515 --> 01:03:58,973
Well, this is
what I would wear if I was,

1522
01:03:59,098 --> 01:04:00,515
you know, genuinely out walking.

1523
01:04:00,598 --> 01:04:04,348
The red's just
for safety reasons, really.

1524
01:04:04,431 --> 01:04:06,931
I've got darker stuff.
That's fine.

1525
01:04:07,056 --> 01:04:09,640
Okay.
You sure you don't want one?

1526
01:04:09,765 --> 01:04:12,098
No.

1527
01:04:14,890 --> 01:04:16,931
Uh... no?

1528
01:04:17,056 --> 01:04:18,931
No.

1529
01:04:23,723 --> 01:04:25,848
Reminds me
of the kind of place where,

1530
01:04:25,973 --> 01:04:27,473
<i>like, Wuthering Heights...</i>

1531
01:04:27,598 --> 01:04:30,015
<i>Oh, Wuthering Heights.
Yeah.</i>

1532
01:04:30,140 --> 01:04:33,265
- No, that's not far from here.
- Oh, really?

1533
01:04:33,390 --> 01:04:35,556
Yeah,
it's the Yorkshire Moors.

1534
01:04:35,640 --> 01:04:38,265
That's... yeah.
A place called Howarth.

1535
01:04:38,390 --> 01:04:39,265
Oh, okay.

1536
01:04:39,390 --> 01:04:41,181
<i>Wuthering Heights.</i>

1537
01:04:41,265 --> 01:04:43,890
So do you think
I could play Heathcliff?

1538
01:04:43,973 --> 01:04:44,890
Definitely.

1539
01:04:44,973 --> 01:04:45,890
Yeah.

1540
01:04:45,973 --> 01:04:47,765
I'd have to me more, like...

1541
01:04:47,848 --> 01:04:48,973
I'd like to play...

1542
01:04:49,098 --> 01:04:50,640
I think he's, you know,
he's interesting.

1543
01:04:50,765 --> 01:04:51,640
Very interesting.

1544
01:04:51,765 --> 01:04:53,098
- Kind of cruel.
- Mm-hmm.

1545
01:04:53,181 --> 01:04:58,723
Cruel, but, I don't know,
compelling, I guess, is...

1546
01:04:58,848 --> 01:05:00,640
There is something
very attractive about him.

1547
01:05:00,765 --> 01:05:02,098
Yeah.

1548
01:05:02,223 --> 01:05:06,306
Think I'm a little old
to play him, but I'd like to.

1549
01:05:06,431 --> 01:05:08,056
Are you sad
not to be in the picture?

1550
01:05:08,140 --> 01:05:10,140
I'm a tiny bit hurt
that he didn't want me to,

1551
01:05:10,265 --> 01:05:12,765
but I'm only saying that
because it's you.

1552
01:05:12,890 --> 01:05:16,765
I'm not at a level
that any human could notice.

1553
01:05:16,848 --> 01:05:19,306
Only dogs could detect my hurt.

1554
01:05:19,431 --> 01:05:20,306
Dogs and me.

1555
01:05:20,431 --> 01:05:23,306
Yes, and you're not a...

1556
01:05:23,431 --> 01:05:24,931
If you were a dog,

1557
01:05:25,056 --> 01:05:26,931
then I should be very happy
for you to...

1558
01:05:27,015 --> 01:05:28,765
gosh, to curl up in my basket

1559
01:05:28,890 --> 01:05:30,431
and chew my bone.

1560
01:05:32,515 --> 01:05:34,681
That sounds...
Yeah, sorry.

1561
01:05:34,765 --> 01:05:36,681
It's all right.

1562
01:05:38,931 --> 01:05:39,848
What's that?

1563
01:05:39,931 --> 01:05:41,181
Sorry, that's...
Can I take this?

1564
01:05:41,265 --> 01:05:43,265
- It's my American agent.
- Sure.

1565
01:05:43,390 --> 01:05:44,265
Hello.

1566
01:05:44,390 --> 01:05:46,723
<i>Steve Coogan.
Hey, man.</i>

1567
01:05:46,806 --> 01:05:48,973
<i>- Matt, how are you doing?
- I'm doing good.</i>

1568
01:05:49,098 --> 01:05:51,390
<i>What's the weather like
in Steve Coogan land?</i>

1569
01:05:51,473 --> 01:05:53,223
It's frigging cold.

1570
01:05:53,306 --> 01:05:56,348
<i>Well, it's hot in Hollywood.
I'll tell you that.</i>

1571
01:05:56,431 --> 01:05:59,098
I wish I was.
I know the weather is.

1572
01:05:59,223 --> 01:06:00,640
<i>Cut to the chase.
Cut to the chase.</i>

1573
01:06:00,765 --> 01:06:04,890
<i>You have got co-lead
in a drama series.</i>

1574
01:06:04,973 --> 01:06:07,556
It's called... let me give you
the info here.

1575
01:06:07,681 --> 01:06:09,306
It's called...

1576
01:06:09,431 --> 01:06:12,140
<i>Yeah, it's called Pathological.</i>

1577
01:06:12,265 --> 01:06:13,473
Okay, you play a pathologist.

1578
01:06:13,598 --> 01:06:15,556
<i>If it goes, it's seven years.</i>

1579
01:06:15,681 --> 01:06:17,140
<i>If it goes,
you're a household name.</i>

1580
01:06:17,265 --> 01:06:21,598
I think the pork belly
made me a little...

1581
01:06:21,723 --> 01:06:22,598
a little amorous.

1582
01:06:22,723 --> 01:06:24,931
- Did it?
- Yes.

1583
01:06:25,056 --> 01:06:27,056
- Pork will do that to you.
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

1584
01:06:27,181 --> 01:06:28,306
Was that good news?

1585
01:06:28,431 --> 01:06:29,640
Yeah, kind of.

1586
01:06:29,765 --> 01:06:33,931
It's... they've offered me
a lead in a drama.

1587
01:06:34,056 --> 01:06:35,390
Oh, wow.

1588
01:06:35,473 --> 01:06:37,681
It's nice to, you know,
nice to get an offer like that.

1589
01:06:37,765 --> 01:06:40,306
Absolutely.
That's just fantastic.

1590
01:06:40,431 --> 01:06:43,181
I'm just... my chin's okay,
right?

1591
01:06:43,265 --> 01:06:45,431
- Your chin is absolutely fine.
- Okay.

1592
01:06:45,556 --> 01:06:46,431
It's beautiful.

1593
01:06:46,556 --> 01:06:48,931
I can... you know,
if you ever want to see

1594
01:06:49,015 --> 01:06:54,931
the Bronte sisters' house,
it's not so far.

1595
01:06:55,056 --> 01:06:57,765
If you want to go visit,
I'll take you there.

1596
01:07:22,973 --> 01:07:25,056
Have you noticed
as you get older,

1597
01:07:25,181 --> 01:07:28,848
older women
seem more attractive to you?

1598
01:07:28,931 --> 01:07:31,640
- And younger women.
- And younger women.

1599
01:07:31,765 --> 01:07:32,640
Women in general.

1600
01:07:32,765 --> 01:07:33,973
Well, yeah.

1601
01:07:34,098 --> 01:07:36,806
Younger women because
of their life-giving qualities,

1602
01:07:36,931 --> 01:07:39,473
and older women just 'cause,
you know,

1603
01:07:39,598 --> 01:07:43,056
'cause you appreciate
personality more.

1604
01:07:43,723 --> 01:07:46,431
I thought we'd try and avoid
the A roads, right,

1605
01:07:46,515 --> 01:07:48,890
and go up the B6255 to Hawes,
right,

1606
01:07:48,973 --> 01:07:50,890
and then cut down through
Oughtershaw,

1607
01:07:50,973 --> 01:07:52,265
Yockenthwaite, Buckden,

1608
01:07:52,348 --> 01:07:55,223
down the B6160
through Kettlewell,

1609
01:07:55,306 --> 01:07:58,015
then the B6265 through
Grassington to Pateley Bridge,

1610
01:07:58,098 --> 01:07:59,848
then up to Ramsgill
from there, right?

1611
01:07:59,931 --> 01:08:00,848
Yes, captain.

1612
01:08:00,931 --> 01:08:02,306
Can we use the sat nav tomorrow?

1613
01:08:02,431 --> 01:08:04,390
The thing about sat nav is,
you don't where you're...

1614
01:08:04,473 --> 01:08:05,765
you have no sense of geography.

1615
01:08:05,890 --> 01:08:08,390
Yeah, but it gets you there
the quickest way.

1616
01:08:08,473 --> 01:08:09,931
It's not about
the destination.

1617
01:08:10,056 --> 01:08:12,598
It's about the journey.

1618
01:08:14,431 --> 01:08:16,265
Ah.

1619
01:08:16,490 --> 01:08:18,087
Well?

1620
01:08:18,681 --> 01:08:20,616
Well?

1621
01:08:20,651 --> 01:08:22,681
Did you?

1622
01:08:22,765 --> 01:08:25,181
I meet women. I charm them.
I seduce them.

1623
01:08:25,265 --> 01:08:27,181
It's the aristocratic way.

1624
01:08:27,265 --> 01:08:28,181
Women are my windmills.

1625
01:08:28,265 --> 01:08:29,640
I tilt at them.

1626
01:08:29,765 --> 01:08:33,265
I'm like a knight, a knight
of old, wandering the land...

1627
01:08:33,390 --> 01:08:35,390
Don Quixote.
Yeah?

1628
01:08:35,515 --> 01:08:37,473
In a manner of speaking.

1629
01:08:37,598 --> 01:08:40,181
A British Don Quixote.

1630
01:08:40,265 --> 01:08:41,431
Don Coogan.

1631
01:08:41,556 --> 01:08:43,140
The Don.

1632
01:08:43,265 --> 01:08:45,598
Oh, Don Coogan.

1633
01:08:45,723 --> 01:08:47,681
I'm just gonna de-mist
the windows, Rob,

1634
01:08:47,765 --> 01:08:48,890
if that's all right with you.

1635
01:08:56,640 --> 01:08:58,223
See that there?

1636
01:08:58,306 --> 01:08:59,223
- That's a brook.
- Yeah.

1637
01:08:59,306 --> 01:09:00,681
You know what it's doing?

1638
01:09:00,765 --> 01:09:02,598
- Babbling.
- Yeah.

1639
01:09:02,723 --> 01:09:04,140
The only thing that babbles
is a brook.

1640
01:09:04,265 --> 01:09:05,473
And what else?
What else babbles?

1641
01:09:05,598 --> 01:09:07,931
- You.
- No. No, I ramble.

1642
01:09:08,015 --> 01:09:09,265
I ramble.

1643
01:09:09,390 --> 01:09:11,265
I ramble through the hills
and occasionally

1644
01:09:11,390 --> 01:09:13,473
at dinner parties.

1645
01:09:13,598 --> 01:09:16,431
They used to think this
was a collapsed cave,

1646
01:09:16,515 --> 01:09:19,765
but this was actually formed
about 10,000 years ago

1647
01:09:19,890 --> 01:09:21,931
by just traditional glaciation.

1648
01:09:22,056 --> 01:09:24,431
A big block of ice, say,
a kilometer thick,

1649
01:09:24,556 --> 01:09:27,556
would start to melt,
and normally,

1650
01:09:27,640 --> 01:09:30,056
the water would find
tributaries and sort of...

1651
01:09:30,140 --> 01:09:32,348
Whoa!
Look at that!

1652
01:09:32,431 --> 01:09:35,515
The limestone was too frozen
for the...

1653
01:09:35,598 --> 01:09:36,848
All right. Don't talk.

1654
01:09:36,931 --> 01:09:38,306
For the rivers to find
a way through.

1655
01:09:38,431 --> 01:09:39,681
Stop talking.

1656
01:09:39,765 --> 01:09:41,598
Yeah, but I'm just sharing
a bit of information.

1657
01:09:41,723 --> 01:09:42,806
You ought to...

1658
01:09:42,931 --> 01:09:44,640
I don't want to listen
to you all the time.

1659
01:09:44,765 --> 01:09:46,223
I don't want to listen to you
all the time,

1660
01:09:46,348 --> 01:09:47,765
but you give me all that.

1661
01:09:47,848 --> 01:09:49,765
I've been absolutely silent
all the way up here.

1662
01:09:49,890 --> 01:09:52,098
I'm telling you something
useful about what's made this...

1663
01:09:52,181 --> 01:09:53,848
Yeah, and I'd rather
you didn't explain.

1664
01:09:53,931 --> 01:09:55,431
I'd rather look at it
and appreciate it.

1665
01:09:55,515 --> 01:09:57,431
You're just annoyed because
you don't know about...

1666
01:09:57,556 --> 01:09:58,931
It's annoying you
that I know about...

1667
01:09:59,015 --> 01:10:01,181
I'm not annoyed.
I just want to look at it.

1668
01:10:01,265 --> 01:10:02,931
- Just be... shush.
- Okay. All right.

1669
01:10:03,056 --> 01:10:04,765
I never thought you'd tell me
to shush.

1670
01:10:04,848 --> 01:10:05,848
Christ.

1671
01:10:08,598 --> 01:10:10,056
Wow.

1672
01:10:15,015 --> 01:10:16,806
Five years have passed.

1673
01:10:16,931 --> 01:10:20,890
Five summers with the length
of five long winters,

1674
01:10:21,015 --> 01:10:24,265
and again I hear these waters

1675
01:10:24,390 --> 01:10:29,973
rolling from their mountain
springs with soft inland murmur.

1676
01:10:30,098 --> 01:10:35,056
Oft in lonely rooms
'mid the din of towns and cities

1677
01:10:35,140 --> 01:10:40,765
I have owed to them in times
of weariness sensations sweet.

1678
01:10:40,890 --> 01:10:43,515
You know where
that was written?

1679
01:10:43,598 --> 01:10:46,890
Tintern Abbey, Wales.

1680
01:10:46,973 --> 01:10:49,390
I know.
That's why I asked you.

1681
01:10:49,473 --> 01:10:51,598
Oft in lonely rooms

1682
01:10:51,723 --> 01:10:54,473
'mid the din of towns and cities

1683
01:10:54,598 --> 01:10:57,056
I have owed to them in hours
of weariness...

1684
01:10:57,181 --> 01:10:58,931
You're spoiling it.
You're spoiling it.

1685
01:10:59,015 --> 01:11:01,348
Why do you have to do it
in that voice?

1686
01:11:01,431 --> 01:11:03,931
Come on.
Let's head on up.

1687
01:11:04,015 --> 01:11:04,931
Where?

1688
01:11:05,015 --> 01:11:06,765
Up there.

1689
01:11:06,848 --> 01:11:08,890
- You serious?
- Yeah.

1690
01:11:08,973 --> 01:11:10,265
- No.
- Why?

1691
01:11:10,348 --> 01:11:12,556
It's too dangerous.

1692
01:11:12,640 --> 01:11:16,098
You've just got to make sure
you've got secure footing.

1693
01:11:16,223 --> 01:11:18,181
They've got hats
and backpacks.

1694
01:11:18,265 --> 01:11:20,473
The backpack makes it harder.

1695
01:11:20,598 --> 01:11:22,931
I sometimes get, like,
a fluttery heart,

1696
01:11:23,056 --> 01:11:24,931
like, an arrhythmic heartbeat,
and I've got it now.

1697
01:11:25,056 --> 01:11:26,098
I get it when I'm stressed.

1698
01:11:26,223 --> 01:11:28,806
All right.
Well, I'm going that way.

1699
01:11:28,931 --> 01:11:30,890
I'll be about a couple of hours,
right?

1700
01:11:30,973 --> 01:11:31,890
How long?

1701
01:11:31,973 --> 01:11:33,931
- Two hours.
- Two hours?

1702
01:11:34,015 --> 01:11:38,056
Yeah, if it gets to three,
then mountain rescue.

1703
01:11:38,181 --> 01:11:40,723
If you break your leg,
don't come running to me.

1704
01:11:40,806 --> 01:11:43,015
Ha-ha. Very good.

1705
01:11:43,098 --> 01:11:45,140
Steve.

1706
01:11:45,265 --> 01:11:48,223
Steve!

1707
01:11:48,348 --> 01:11:49,806
Be careful.

1708
01:12:57,098 --> 01:12:58,973
- Afternoon.
- Good afternoon.

1709
01:12:59,098 --> 01:13:00,223
Lovely day.

1710
01:13:00,306 --> 01:13:01,223
Beautiful, yeah.

1711
01:13:01,306 --> 01:13:02,223
Absolutely superb.

1712
01:13:02,306 --> 01:13:03,598
I know.
It's magical.

1713
01:13:03,681 --> 01:13:06,181
Yeah,
we're very fortunate today.

1714
01:13:06,265 --> 01:13:08,556
Have you been here, around
this area for a while, or...

1715
01:13:08,640 --> 01:13:11,098
Yeah, I'm aware of, you know...

1716
01:13:11,223 --> 01:13:12,681
Oh, that's excellent.

1717
01:13:12,765 --> 01:13:14,390
You know about
the limestone a wee bit

1718
01:13:14,515 --> 01:13:16,306
without being clever.

1719
01:13:16,431 --> 01:13:18,556
So you'll know that it started
off life in the Bahamas

1720
01:13:18,681 --> 01:13:21,223
somewhere around
that sort of line of latitude

1721
01:13:21,306 --> 01:13:22,973
south of the equator.

1722
01:13:23,098 --> 01:13:24,765
Well, the land mass
was part of Avalonia.

1723
01:13:24,890 --> 01:13:26,515
That's right, yeah.
Yeah.

1724
01:13:26,598 --> 01:13:29,348
Which had joined onto Laurasia,
of course,

1725
01:13:29,431 --> 01:13:32,598
and world famous
Malham limestone pavement,

1726
01:13:32,723 --> 01:13:33,931
I suppose,
you would describe it.

1727
01:13:34,056 --> 01:13:36,848
Malham Cove,
it's in many, many textbooks.

1728
01:13:36,931 --> 01:13:38,056
No, well aware of it.

1729
01:13:38,181 --> 01:13:39,431
And photographs.
Tremendous.

1730
01:13:39,515 --> 01:13:40,973
The only disadvantage
with limestone,

1731
01:13:41,098 --> 01:13:42,056
although a very hard rock,

1732
01:13:42,140 --> 01:13:44,556
road wearing
and all the rest of it,

1733
01:13:44,640 --> 01:13:47,515
coarse base stuff,
it dissolves in weak acid,

1734
01:13:47,598 --> 01:13:50,723
and the acid derives
from the water,

1735
01:13:50,806 --> 01:13:53,640
rainwater which combines
with carbon dioxide

1736
01:13:53,765 --> 01:13:56,848
in the atmosphere,
and then the rain falls

1737
01:13:56,931 --> 01:13:59,765
onto the limestone,
which is calcium carbonate.

1738
01:13:59,890 --> 01:14:00,973
Yeah.

1739
01:14:01,098 --> 01:14:02,556
And the features
that we're looking at,

1740
01:14:02,681 --> 01:14:05,931
these linear features,
begun as, basically,

1741
01:14:06,015 --> 01:14:07,306
cracks in the rock
as it lithified.

1742
01:14:07,431 --> 01:14:08,556
That's right. Yeah.

1743
01:14:08,640 --> 01:14:11,181
And of course,
they've dissolved into the width

1744
01:14:11,265 --> 01:14:13,015
that we see today,
as have the...

1745
01:14:13,098 --> 01:14:18,681
not only the longitudinal ones,
the east-west ones, same thing,

1746
01:14:18,765 --> 01:14:22,681
but the features on the surface
are, indeed, very famous indeed.

1747
01:14:22,765 --> 01:14:24,890
You'll see a number
of these little potholes.

1748
01:14:24,973 --> 01:14:26,181
Oh, yeah.

1749
01:14:26,265 --> 01:14:31,265
They are water solution holes
known as rundkarren.

1750
01:14:31,390 --> 01:14:32,598
Yeah.

1751
01:14:32,681 --> 01:14:36,723
The long features on
the surface are the rillenkaren.

1752
01:14:36,848 --> 01:14:39,181
Fantastic.
It's fascinating stuff.

1753
01:14:39,265 --> 01:14:40,265
Yeah.

1754
01:14:40,348 --> 01:14:41,598
Okay, I'll be on my way.

1755
01:14:41,681 --> 01:14:43,931
- Righto.
- Thanks. Cheerio.

1756
01:14:44,056 --> 01:14:45,056
Bye.

1757
01:14:53,931 --> 01:14:58,806
Here we are.
The Yorke Arms.

1758
01:14:58,931 --> 01:14:59,806
Wonderful.

1759
01:14:59,931 --> 01:15:00,890
Wow.

1760
01:15:04,223 --> 01:15:05,098
This is your room, sir.

1761
01:15:05,223 --> 01:15:07,098
Oh, beautiful. Yeah.

1762
01:15:07,223 --> 01:15:08,140
Oh, it's lovely.

1763
01:15:08,265 --> 01:15:09,765
The bathroom
is just over there.

1764
01:15:09,890 --> 01:15:10,765
Yeah.

1765
01:15:10,890 --> 01:15:13,098
Oak. Nice oak.

1766
01:15:13,181 --> 01:15:15,806
If you need anything,
we'll be in reception.

1767
01:15:15,931 --> 01:15:18,015
Okay, can you get
phone reception around here?

1768
01:15:18,098 --> 01:15:20,765
No, I'm sorry,
but if you go along the lake,

1769
01:15:20,890 --> 01:15:22,890
you can have some reception
there.

1770
01:15:23,015 --> 01:15:24,515
- Great. Lovely. Okay.
- Okay.

1771
01:15:26,640 --> 01:15:28,015
<i>Hello?</i>

1772
01:15:28,098 --> 01:15:29,015
Hey. Hey.

1773
01:15:29,098 --> 01:15:30,765
<i>Where have you been?</i>

1774
01:15:30,890 --> 01:15:32,223
<i>I called you four times
last night.</i>

1775
01:15:32,306 --> 01:15:33,348
<i>You didn't call me back.</i>

1776
01:15:33,431 --> 01:15:34,348
I know, honey.

1777
01:15:34,431 --> 01:15:35,348
Listen... look...

1778
01:15:36,931 --> 01:15:40,973
These restaurants that
you've picked are great places,

1779
01:15:41,098 --> 01:15:42,223
but the phone reception sucks.

1780
01:15:42,306 --> 01:15:43,223
It's really bad.

1781
01:15:43,306 --> 01:15:44,890
Have you been doing drugs?

1782
01:15:44,973 --> 01:15:47,015
No.

1783
01:15:47,098 --> 01:15:48,223
No, of course not.

1784
01:15:48,348 --> 01:15:50,390
Look, if you couldn't get me,
I was...

1785
01:15:50,473 --> 01:15:52,806
You know where I am right now?
I'm in a field.

1786
01:15:52,931 --> 01:15:55,098
It's a very beautiful field.

1787
01:15:55,223 --> 01:15:56,973
It's really gorgeous,

1788
01:15:57,098 --> 01:15:58,973
but, you know,
I can't really enjoy it.

1789
01:15:59,098 --> 01:16:02,723
I'm with a short Welsh man
who does impressions.

1790
01:16:02,806 --> 01:16:04,181
It's not fun.

1791
01:16:04,265 --> 01:16:08,015
So are there lots of pretty
Northern waitresses up there?

1792
01:16:08,098 --> 01:16:11,598
No, there's no beautiful
Northern waitresses.

1793
01:16:11,723 --> 01:16:16,723
They're all Spanish or Polish
or from somewhere.

1794
01:16:16,806 --> 01:16:18,598
<i>Great, so they're beautiful</i>

1795
01:16:18,681 --> 01:16:20,265
<i>Eastern European
waitresses up there.</i>

1796
01:16:20,390 --> 01:16:21,598
<i>Perfect.</i>

1797
01:16:21,723 --> 01:16:23,765
Yeah, well, yeah, listen,
you're the one who said

1798
01:16:23,890 --> 01:16:26,681
we were taking a break, so,
you know, what do you expect?

1799
01:16:26,765 --> 01:16:28,431
<i>Does that mean
you've been with other girls</i>

1800
01:16:28,556 --> 01:16:31,265
<i>because we're on a break?</i>

1801
01:16:31,390 --> 01:16:32,390
I wish you were here.

1802
01:16:32,515 --> 01:16:33,973
You could have been here
with me.

1803
01:16:34,098 --> 01:16:35,056
<i>Yeah, I know.</i>

1804
01:16:35,140 --> 01:16:36,431
You chose not to be.

1805
01:16:36,556 --> 01:16:40,348
Well, you know where I am.
You can come see me anytime.

1806
01:16:40,431 --> 01:16:43,973
Oh, Christ.

1807
01:16:44,098 --> 01:16:46,348
<i>Look at the time.
Got to go, Steve.</i>

1808
01:16:46,431 --> 01:16:48,348
<i>Hope you get reception again
sometime soon.</i>

1809
01:16:48,431 --> 01:16:50,515
All right. Yes. Thanks.
Bye, baby. Bye, bye.

1810
01:16:50,598 --> 01:16:53,056
Okay, bye, bye, bye.

1811
01:17:06,390 --> 01:17:07,973
What is that, a sonar?

1812
01:17:15,556 --> 01:17:16,431
It's got to be...

1813
01:17:28,598 --> 01:17:31,640
No, you sound like a submarine
clearing its throat.

1814
01:17:31,765 --> 01:17:34,098
Sound like a Scouse submarine.

1815
01:17:35,973 --> 01:17:37,681
Gentlemen, have you decided
what you'd like?

1816
01:17:37,765 --> 01:17:41,973
Could I have the souffl� to
start and then the lamb, please?

1817
01:17:42,098 --> 01:17:43,390
And the lamb to follow.
Thank you.

1818
01:17:43,473 --> 01:17:45,390
Tuna followed by the cod,
please.

1819
01:17:45,473 --> 01:17:48,265
And then the cod.
Lovely. Thank you very much.

1820
01:17:48,390 --> 01:17:49,306
I'll take those for you.

1821
01:17:49,431 --> 01:17:50,640
- Thank you very much.
- Thank you.

1822
01:17:50,765 --> 01:17:51,640
Just take that for you.

1823
01:17:51,765 --> 01:17:53,098
- Okay, thank you.
- Thank you.

1824
01:17:53,223 --> 01:17:57,098
<i>Do you know the Abba song
The Winner Takes It All?</i>

1825
01:17:58,890 --> 01:18:00,890
The reason that song
has so much pain

1826
01:18:00,973 --> 01:18:04,765
is because he wrote the words
for her to sing

1827
01:18:04,848 --> 01:18:07,140
about their breakup,

1828
01:18:07,265 --> 01:18:09,598
but he wrote the lyrics
from her point of view.

1829
01:18:09,723 --> 01:18:13,223


1830
01:18:13,348 --> 01:18:17,306


1831
01:18:17,431 --> 01:18:19,973


1832
01:18:20,098 --> 01:18:23,140


1833
01:18:23,265 --> 01:18:24,723
But you see...

1834
01:18:24,848 --> 01:18:27,556

takes it all

1835
01:18:27,640 --> 01:18:30,806
It's a bit presumptuous
that he's saying

1836
01:18:30,931 --> 01:18:32,098
that she has no self-confidence.

1837
01:18:32,223 --> 01:18:33,098
She might say...

1838
01:18:33,223 --> 01:18:34,515
But wait,

1839
01:18:34,598 --> 01:18:35,931
I have plenty
of self-confidence.

1840
01:18:36,015 --> 01:18:37,265
I'm just sad
about the breakdown.

1841
01:18:37,390 --> 01:18:39,515
One tuna away, please.

1842
01:18:43,306 --> 01:18:45,723


1843
01:18:45,806 --> 01:18:48,598

we've gone through

1844
01:18:48,681 --> 01:18:50,265


1845
01:18:50,390 --> 01:18:51,640
All of her Ss are high.

1846
01:18:51,765 --> 01:18:53,973
Though it'ssss herding me...

1847
01:18:54,098 --> 01:18:54,973
"Herding"?

1848
01:18:55,098 --> 01:18:57,390
Now it'ssss hissstory.

1849
01:18:57,473 --> 01:19:00,056
Don't make her like the chef
from the Muppets.

1850
01:19:00,181 --> 01:19:01,848


1851
01:19:03,723 --> 01:19:04,890
He was Swedish.

1852
01:19:04,973 --> 01:19:06,265
He wasn't in Abba.

1853
01:19:06,348 --> 01:19:09,556


1854
01:19:09,640 --> 01:19:11,431


1855
01:19:11,556 --> 01:19:14,223
<i>Now you sound like the Nazis
from Inglourious Basterds.</i>

1856
01:19:14,306 --> 01:19:16,181
- Who I look like.
- Yes.

1857
01:19:16,265 --> 01:19:18,098


1858
01:19:18,181 --> 01:19:19,890
Now it's hurting me,

1859
01:19:19,973 --> 01:19:22,306
and now I'm going to kill
some Jews under the floor.

1860
01:19:24,265 --> 01:19:26,223
<i>Und that's what
you've done too.</i>

1861
01:19:26,306 --> 01:19:27,890
That's what you've done too.

1862
01:19:27,973 --> 01:19:30,598
The winner takes it all,
Mr. Bond.

1863
01:19:30,723 --> 01:19:33,098
Come, come, Mr. Bond.
The winner takes it all.

1864
01:19:34,223 --> 01:19:35,640
Come, come, Mr. Bond,

1865
01:19:35,765 --> 01:19:38,931
you enjoy playing all your cards
just as much as I do.

1866
01:19:39,056 --> 01:19:40,265
When I play my cards,

1867
01:19:40,390 --> 01:19:42,098
I play for Benny and Bjorn.

1868
01:19:44,848 --> 01:19:48,140
I find the song quite moving.

1869
01:19:57,348 --> 01:20:01,015
Your roast cod
with truffle ravioli

1870
01:20:01,098 --> 01:20:02,723
and a spiced cauliflower.

1871
01:20:02,806 --> 01:20:05,348
A saddle of Nidderdale lamb
with mutton pudding.

1872
01:20:05,431 --> 01:20:07,056
- Thank you very much.
- Thank you very much.

1873
01:20:07,140 --> 01:20:08,223
Thank you.

1874
01:20:08,348 --> 01:20:09,265
Yeah.

1875
01:20:09,348 --> 01:20:13,556
Hopkins, Sheen,
Brydon, Burton,

1876
01:20:13,640 --> 01:20:16,265
the Port Talbot four.

1877
01:20:16,390 --> 01:20:17,765
- That's what we're known as.
- Really?

1878
01:20:17,848 --> 01:20:20,390
Yeah, Michael Sheen.

1879
01:20:20,473 --> 01:20:21,848
How are you?

1880
01:20:21,931 --> 01:20:24,848
Good evening.

1881
01:20:26,598 --> 01:20:29,473
We couldn't have done that
the way that Michael does it.

1882
01:20:29,598 --> 01:20:30,598
Let's face it.

1883
01:20:30,723 --> 01:20:32,140
- We could not have played...
- We? We? We?

1884
01:20:32,265 --> 01:20:33,973
We couldn't. We couldn't.
We're not the same.

1885
01:20:34,098 --> 01:20:34,973
We're different animals.

1886
01:20:35,098 --> 01:20:36,223
We couldn't play those parts.

1887
01:20:36,306 --> 01:20:37,765
No, you're not
the same as him.

1888
01:20:37,848 --> 01:20:39,265
I'm more similar to him.

1889
01:20:39,348 --> 01:20:41,681
Well, why don't you do
the sort of roles that he does?

1890
01:20:41,765 --> 01:20:45,098
Because no one
will give those roles to me.

1891
01:20:45,223 --> 01:20:46,598
I've got an albatross
around my neck,

1892
01:20:46,681 --> 01:20:49,390
and it's got the face
of Michael Sheen.

1893
01:20:49,473 --> 01:20:52,140
Do you try for those roles?

1894
01:20:52,265 --> 01:20:53,890
Yeah, and Michael Sheen
gets them all.

1895
01:20:54,015 --> 01:20:55,390
Michael Sheen is very good.

1896
01:20:55,473 --> 01:20:58,473
- Michael Sheen is always...
- Brilliant.

1897
01:20:58,598 --> 01:21:00,181
He's not brilliant; he's good.
He's solid.

1898
01:21:00,265 --> 01:21:01,181
He is brilliant.

1899
01:21:01,265 --> 01:21:04,140
I'm fucking brilliant!

1900
01:21:04,265 --> 01:21:06,556
Yes, but not
in the same way as...

1901
01:21:06,640 --> 01:21:08,973
Michael Sheen couldn't do
what you do.

1902
01:21:09,098 --> 01:21:11,181
Michael Sheen couldn't play
Alan Partridge.

1903
01:21:11,265 --> 01:21:12,848
Michael Sheen couldn't play
Pauline Calf.

1904
01:21:12,931 --> 01:21:14,098
All right?

1905
01:21:14,223 --> 01:21:16,098
But equally,
you couldn't play David Frost.

1906
01:21:16,223 --> 01:21:17,265
Huh?

1907
01:21:17,390 --> 01:21:19,890
I don't believe
that you really believe

1908
01:21:20,015 --> 01:21:21,306
that I couldn't play
David Frost.

1909
01:21:21,431 --> 01:21:23,431
I think you could play it.
Of course you could play it.

1910
01:21:23,556 --> 01:21:25,306
Bloody hell.
The waiter could play it.

1911
01:21:25,431 --> 01:21:27,140
But how well
are you gonna play it?

1912
01:21:27,265 --> 01:21:29,098
Very well.

1913
01:21:29,181 --> 01:21:30,515
Hello.

1914
01:21:33,931 --> 01:21:35,931
I mean, Michael almost
doesn't have to say the words.

1915
01:21:36,015 --> 01:21:37,015
He can just go...

1916
01:21:40,098 --> 01:21:41,681
And you know what he's doing.

1917
01:21:44,098 --> 01:21:45,931
You were just
jutting your chin out.

1918
01:21:46,015 --> 01:21:47,348
Mm, that's me.

1919
01:21:47,431 --> 01:21:49,140
If Michael did it,
people would go,

1920
01:21:49,265 --> 01:21:51,223
"Fucking hell,
it's David Frost. "

1921
01:21:51,348 --> 01:21:55,098
Well, you know, I got down to
the last two for Peter Sellers.

1922
01:21:55,181 --> 01:21:56,848
Yes, you did,
and on that count,

1923
01:21:56,931 --> 01:21:58,806
as I've told you
many times before,

1924
01:21:58,931 --> 01:22:00,765
you would have been better
than Geoffrey Rush.

1925
01:22:00,848 --> 01:22:02,598
You know,
I was actually in that film?

1926
01:22:02,681 --> 01:22:03,765
Have I told you this?

1927
01:22:03,890 --> 01:22:05,556
I played Dustin Hoffman.

1928
01:22:05,640 --> 01:22:07,140
Oh, yes,
when he got his Oscar.

1929
01:22:07,265 --> 01:22:09,890
I had to do
a speech as Dustin Hoffman.

1930
01:22:09,973 --> 01:22:10,931
- Really?
- Yeah.

1931
01:22:11,015 --> 01:22:13,306
He says... and I learned this,
right?

1932
01:22:13,431 --> 01:22:17,515
I refuse to accept that
I'm better than Jack Lemmon,

1933
01:22:17,598 --> 01:22:18,640
than Peter Sellers,

1934
01:22:18,765 --> 01:22:20,348
than whoever else
the other one was.

1935
01:22:20,431 --> 01:22:21,931
He could have turned down
the award.

1936
01:22:22,015 --> 01:22:25,098
He could have turned down the
Oscar if he refused to accept...

1937
01:22:25,223 --> 01:22:26,681
Yeah, all right.
That's not the point.

1938
01:22:26,765 --> 01:22:28,890
I'm just saying that I was
in it, and I got cut out.

1939
01:22:34,348 --> 01:22:36,848
Oh, wow. Thank you very much.
Look at that.

1940
01:22:36,931 --> 01:22:38,931
It's a chocolate
inverted comma.

1941
01:22:39,015 --> 01:22:40,556
He's got an ironic dessert.

1942
01:22:40,681 --> 01:22:42,181
Thank you.

1943
01:22:42,265 --> 01:22:43,640
Your apple Breton
with lemon sorbet

1944
01:22:43,765 --> 01:22:45,098
and croque monsieur.

1945
01:22:45,181 --> 01:22:47,723
And your chocolate dessert
is a warm chocolate fondant,

1946
01:22:47,806 --> 01:22:49,723
chocolate tier,
chocolate Neapolitan,

1947
01:22:49,806 --> 01:22:51,056
and a chocolate
and caramel tart.

1948
01:22:51,140 --> 01:22:52,140
Thank you very much indeed.

1949
01:22:52,265 --> 01:22:53,848
Can there be
any more chocolate?

1950
01:22:53,931 --> 01:22:54,931
You want some of that?

1951
01:22:55,015 --> 01:22:57,431
Okay, yeah.

1952
01:22:57,515 --> 01:22:58,556
Good, isn't it?

1953
01:22:58,640 --> 01:23:00,223
I'm sure people think
we're gay.

1954
01:23:00,348 --> 01:23:01,431
I don't care.

1955
01:23:01,556 --> 01:23:05,556
No, I don't either.
I don't care.

1956
01:23:05,681 --> 01:23:07,765
Where are you?
I don't know where you are.

1957
01:23:07,890 --> 01:23:09,223
Somebody get me out of here.

1958
01:23:09,306 --> 01:23:11,473
Who'd have
thought that would catch on, eh?

1959
01:23:11,598 --> 01:23:12,931
Got an iPhone app
with that on it now.

1960
01:23:13,015 --> 01:23:14,140
Really?

1961
01:23:14,265 --> 01:23:15,806
Haven't launched it.
About to launch it.

1962
01:23:15,931 --> 01:23:17,390
What, to launch an iPhone app
with your...

1963
01:23:17,515 --> 01:23:19,931
Rob Brydon,
Small Man in a Box.

1964
01:23:20,056 --> 01:23:21,056
I'm not a good businessman.

1965
01:23:21,140 --> 01:23:22,431
I'm an artist.

1966
01:23:22,515 --> 01:23:25,431
I'm cursed to be flawed
in my business ventures, but...

1967
01:23:25,556 --> 01:23:26,931
I got to tell you,

1968
01:23:27,015 --> 01:23:28,640
the food here is terrible,

1969
01:23:28,765 --> 01:23:30,848
and such small portions.

1970
01:23:32,973 --> 01:23:36,015
Sex without love
is an empty experience,

1971
01:23:36,098 --> 01:23:39,556
but as empty experiences go,
it's one of the best.

1972
01:23:39,681 --> 01:23:43,223
You know, sex between two
people is a wonderful thing.

1973
01:23:43,306 --> 01:23:44,806
Between three, it's terrific.

1974
01:23:46,098 --> 01:23:48,931
No, really, I enjoyed
making love last night.

1975
01:23:49,015 --> 01:23:52,556
It was the most fun
I've had without laughing.

1976
01:23:52,681 --> 01:23:55,181
You know, they tell me...
I hear my ex-wife

1977
01:23:55,265 --> 01:23:57,556
was violated in the street.

1978
01:23:57,640 --> 01:23:58,806
I said, " Knowing my ex-wife,

1979
01:23:58,931 --> 01:24:01,390
it was probably
not a moving violation. "

1980
01:24:05,556 --> 01:24:06,431
<i>Hello?</i>

1981
01:24:06,556 --> 01:24:07,598
Hey, Joe.
It's Dad.

1982
01:24:07,723 --> 01:24:08,681
Yeah, I know.

1983
01:24:08,765 --> 01:24:10,306
Your name comes up
on the screen.

1984
01:24:10,431 --> 01:24:11,306
<i>Oh, that's good.</i>

1985
01:24:11,431 --> 01:24:13,015
I'm gonna cut to the chase.

1986
01:24:13,098 --> 01:24:14,723
I spoke to your mum.

1987
01:24:14,848 --> 01:24:16,765
She told me what happened
the other night.

1988
01:24:16,890 --> 01:24:19,306
<i>I was just with some friends.
You know, it was only a drink.</i>

1989
01:24:19,431 --> 01:24:20,348
<i>Just having a bit of fun.</i>

1990
01:24:20,431 --> 01:24:23,181
You can't do that.

1991
01:24:23,265 --> 01:24:26,723
If you work hard and...
you know...

1992
01:24:26,806 --> 01:24:30,515
then you can always...

1993
01:24:30,598 --> 01:24:32,098
you know, enjoy yourself
at the weekend.

1994
01:24:32,223 --> 01:24:34,848
But you've got to rein it in
during the week.

1995
01:24:34,931 --> 01:24:36,973
You have to, all right?

1996
01:24:37,098 --> 01:24:39,640
Okay.
How's the trip?

1997
01:24:39,765 --> 01:24:41,640
Uh...

1998
01:24:41,765 --> 01:24:44,181
It's good.

1999
01:24:44,265 --> 01:24:48,515
You know,
it's kind of enjoyable.

2000
01:24:48,598 --> 01:24:51,598
Rob's being, you know,
sort of a pain in the ass,

2001
01:24:51,681 --> 01:24:54,306
but I tolerate him.

2002
01:24:54,431 --> 01:24:55,681
How long have you known him?

2003
01:24:55,765 --> 01:24:57,556
Rob?

2004
01:24:57,640 --> 01:25:00,806
11 years.
Something like that.

2005
01:25:00,931 --> 01:25:03,306
That's amazing.

2006
01:25:03,431 --> 01:25:04,390
<i>Is it?</i>

2007
01:25:04,473 --> 01:25:05,931
Yeah.
That's such a long time.

2008
01:25:06,015 --> 01:25:08,973
Yes.

2009
01:25:09,098 --> 01:25:11,056
Yeah, I suppose it is.

2010
01:25:11,181 --> 01:25:12,098
Yeah, he's...

2011
01:25:15,556 --> 01:25:17,765
Yeah, he's a, you know,
he's a good friend.

2012
01:25:17,890 --> 01:25:19,098
<i>Yeah, I miss you.</i>

2013
01:25:19,223 --> 01:25:21,973
Yeah, I miss you too.

2014
01:25:22,098 --> 01:25:25,181
Okay, listen, I'll be back soon,

2015
01:25:25,265 --> 01:25:28,473
and we'll have some
fun time together, yeah?

2016
01:25:28,598 --> 01:25:30,556
Constructive fun time,
all right?

2017
01:25:30,640 --> 01:25:32,390
<i>Yeah.</i>

2018
01:25:32,473 --> 01:25:34,765
All right, listen, love you.

2019
01:25:34,848 --> 01:25:37,515
Take care, and behave.

2020
01:25:37,598 --> 01:25:38,890
<i>Yeah.</i>

2021
01:25:38,973 --> 01:25:39,931
<i>- All right, mate.
- See ya.</i>

2022
01:25:40,056 --> 01:25:41,056
See ya.

2023
01:25:54,181 --> 01:25:57,598
I am once again bottomless.

2024
01:25:57,681 --> 01:25:59,265
<i>Don't you ever get cold
being bottomless?</i>

2025
01:25:59,390 --> 01:26:00,265
No, no, I don't.

2026
01:26:00,390 --> 01:26:03,056
I think of you,
and I just let him free.

2027
01:26:03,140 --> 01:26:05,348
I let him off the lead,
as it were.

2028
01:26:05,431 --> 01:26:06,681
Let him run round the car park

2029
01:26:06,765 --> 01:26:09,181
in the hope that he sniffs up
something interesting.

2030
01:26:09,265 --> 01:26:10,598
He's under there now.

2031
01:26:10,681 --> 01:26:12,890
There's only a kind of
candlewick bedspread between...

2032
01:26:12,973 --> 01:26:16,056
<i>Oh, candlewick bedspread?
That's not very sexy.</i>

2033
01:26:16,140 --> 01:26:18,390
Well, there's a phone
resting on him as well,

2034
01:26:18,473 --> 01:26:20,431
so if the phone begins to move,

2035
01:26:20,515 --> 01:26:24,431
I'll know that you're weaving
your magic, as it were.

2036
01:26:24,556 --> 01:26:26,306
Oh, help me.

2037
01:26:26,431 --> 01:26:29,890
I'm the small man
stuck in a box.

2038
01:26:29,973 --> 01:26:32,640
Oh.

2039
01:26:32,765 --> 01:26:34,431
I'm trapped in a box.

2040
01:26:37,181 --> 01:26:42,348
I'm trapped in a...
I'm trapped in a box.

2041
01:26:42,431 --> 01:26:46,098
I'm trapped in a box.

2042
01:26:52,140 --> 01:26:53,723
I'm stuck in a box.
What are you doing?

2043
01:26:53,848 --> 01:26:56,931
What's happening?
What's happening?

2044
01:26:57,056 --> 01:26:58,890
Small man stuck in a box.

2045
01:27:01,765 --> 01:27:06,640
I don't care
about silly voices.

2046
01:27:06,765 --> 01:27:08,348
They're stupid.

2047
01:27:15,598 --> 01:27:17,556
Why are we going so early?

2048
01:27:17,681 --> 01:27:21,598
Because I want to take in
Bolton Abbey

2049
01:27:21,723 --> 01:27:23,973
and then quickly say hi
to my parents.

2050
01:27:24,098 --> 01:27:26,223
You don't mind...
do you mind coming to say...

2051
01:27:26,348 --> 01:27:27,473
- Physically?
- Yes.

2052
01:27:27,598 --> 01:27:28,640
Actually visit them?

2053
01:27:28,765 --> 01:27:30,598
Well, I can't leave you
in the car.

2054
01:27:30,723 --> 01:27:34,598
You could bring me a lemonade
and a packet of crisps,

2055
01:27:34,723 --> 01:27:37,515
leave the window like that
so I don't get too hot.

2056
01:27:37,598 --> 01:27:39,723
Yeah, and I'll bring
my parents out to look at you,

2057
01:27:39,806 --> 01:27:42,056
and your nose is through the gap
there like that.

2058
01:27:42,140 --> 01:27:44,056
You can say,
"I would bring him in,

2059
01:27:44,140 --> 01:27:45,181
but he might make a mess. "

2060
01:27:50,181 --> 01:27:53,598
From Bolton's
old monastic tower,

2061
01:27:53,681 --> 01:27:56,931
the bells ring loud
with gladsome power.

2062
01:27:57,015 --> 01:27:58,806
The sun shines bright.

2063
01:27:58,931 --> 01:28:00,265
The fields are gay

2064
01:28:00,348 --> 01:28:03,265
with people in their best array

2065
01:28:03,348 --> 01:28:06,598
of stole and doublet,
hood and scarf,

2066
01:28:06,723 --> 01:28:09,556
along the banks
of crystal Wharf.

2067
01:28:09,640 --> 01:28:13,348
And thus in joyous
mood they hie

2068
01:28:13,433 --> 01:28:17,526
to Bolton's mouldering Priory.

2069
01:28:18,472 --> 01:28:19,931
Sir Ian McKellan.

2070
01:28:20,056 --> 01:28:22,431
Come, we shall walk together.

2071
01:28:22,515 --> 01:28:24,265
Is that why you went
to bed early last night,

2072
01:28:24,348 --> 01:28:25,556
so you could learn that poem?

2073
01:28:25,640 --> 01:28:28,223
Yes.
Mission accomplished.

2074
01:28:28,348 --> 01:28:29,390
I don't know why...

2075
01:28:29,473 --> 01:28:30,931
You weren't interested
in Wordsworth

2076
01:28:31,015 --> 01:28:32,056
before we went on this trip.

2077
01:28:32,140 --> 01:28:33,848
Or Bolton Abbey,
going on about Bolton Abbey.

2078
01:28:33,931 --> 01:28:35,265
This is lovely.
This is fantastic.

2079
01:28:35,390 --> 01:28:36,556
I know it is.

2080
01:28:36,640 --> 01:28:38,390
Why'd you have to do it
in Ian McKellan's voice?

2081
01:28:38,473 --> 01:28:39,765
It was a lovely poem.

2082
01:28:39,890 --> 01:28:42,181
What would have been really nice
is if you got up this morning...

2083
01:28:42,265 --> 01:28:44,098
If you learned that poem,
which I appreciate,

2084
01:28:44,223 --> 01:28:46,015
even though it was meant
to intimidate me.

2085
01:28:46,098 --> 01:28:47,723
If you got up this morning
and said the poem

2086
01:28:47,848 --> 01:28:49,515
in your own voice
and meant the words.

2087
01:28:49,598 --> 01:28:52,681
I chose a voice
to suit the mood.

2088
01:28:52,765 --> 01:28:55,098
I felt Sir Ian,
coming, as he does, from Bolton,

2089
01:28:55,223 --> 01:28:56,765
would be perfectly suited...

2090
01:28:56,890 --> 01:28:58,473
It's a different Bolton, Rob.

2091
01:28:58,598 --> 01:29:00,056
Yeah, well, same word.

2092
01:29:00,140 --> 01:29:03,098
I thought he'd be perfectly
suited for here.

2093
01:29:03,181 --> 01:29:04,098
And it is incredible.

2094
01:29:04,223 --> 01:29:06,390
I mean, look,
that is incredible.

2095
01:29:08,181 --> 01:29:11,181
Standing on a grave.
Sorry.

2096
01:29:11,265 --> 01:29:14,056
Will you be buried,
or will you be cremated?

2097
01:29:14,140 --> 01:29:17,015
I think I would like
to be buried,

2098
01:29:17,098 --> 01:29:19,306
so that I have a headstone,
like Elvis,

2099
01:29:19,431 --> 01:29:22,973
but I think
that when you have a headstone

2100
01:29:23,098 --> 01:29:26,931
and you're in a place, it puts
great pressure on your family,

2101
01:29:27,015 --> 01:29:29,223
your surviving family,
to visit you.

2102
01:29:29,306 --> 01:29:32,348
I'd be happy if you,
you know...

2103
01:29:32,431 --> 01:29:33,640
I'm happy with either.

2104
01:29:33,765 --> 01:29:35,931
If they buried you
or cremated you,

2105
01:29:36,056 --> 01:29:40,640
they would both suit me fine.

2106
01:29:40,765 --> 01:29:43,056
Would you come to my funeral?
Would you turn up, do you think?

2107
01:29:43,140 --> 01:29:44,848
Course I would.
Course I would. Yeah.

2108
01:29:44,931 --> 01:29:47,556
If only to pad out the numbers,
you know.

2109
01:29:47,640 --> 01:29:52,598
You know when someone dies
and they go to the funeral

2110
01:29:52,723 --> 01:29:54,515
and they say, you know,

2111
01:29:54,598 --> 01:29:56,223
"We should have done this
when he was alive.

2112
01:29:56,348 --> 01:29:57,515
He would have loved this. "

2113
01:29:57,598 --> 01:30:00,306
What, cremated him?

2114
01:30:00,431 --> 01:30:04,056
No, you know,
hearing the eulogies.

2115
01:30:04,140 --> 01:30:05,598
That's what I'll say
at your funeral.

2116
01:30:05,681 --> 01:30:07,598
We should have done this
a lot when he was alive,

2117
01:30:07,723 --> 01:30:08,598
cremated him.

2118
01:30:10,098 --> 01:30:13,265
No riposte from you,
'cause you're dead.

2119
01:30:13,390 --> 01:30:15,181
I don't think
you should say that.

2120
01:30:15,265 --> 01:30:16,181
You really shouldn't...

2121
01:30:16,265 --> 01:30:17,723
- Yeah.
- In the box.

2122
01:30:17,806 --> 01:30:20,098
You wouldn't be able to come
back with your man in a box

2123
01:30:20,223 --> 01:30:22,556
even though it would be
fantastic if you had,

2124
01:30:22,640 --> 01:30:23,723
'cause you'd be in a coffin.

2125
01:30:23,806 --> 01:30:25,473
It would have been the perfect
place to do it,

2126
01:30:25,598 --> 01:30:26,806
but you wouldn't be able
to do it...

2127
01:30:26,931 --> 01:30:28,265
I would literally be a man
in the box.

2128
01:30:28,390 --> 01:30:29,640
I know, it would
have been great,

2129
01:30:29,765 --> 01:30:32,598
but I'd be safe in the knowledge
that I could do that,

2130
01:30:32,681 --> 01:30:34,223
and he won't come back
with his man in a box,

2131
01:30:34,348 --> 01:30:35,556
which would have been brilliant,

2132
01:30:35,640 --> 01:30:38,640
but he can't,
'cause he's brown bread.

2133
01:30:38,765 --> 01:30:41,473
I'd be there. I'd be there.
I'd be at your funeral.

2134
01:30:41,598 --> 01:30:46,723
And now, from one of Rob's
very closest friends...

2135
01:30:46,848 --> 01:30:50,431
you'll know him, of course,
as TV's Alan Partridge,

2136
01:30:50,556 --> 01:30:55,223
and he has asked specifically to
come up and take 25, 30 minutes

2137
01:30:55,306 --> 01:30:59,015
to talk about his friend Rob.

2138
01:30:59,098 --> 01:31:01,181
Ladies and gentlemen...

2139
01:31:01,265 --> 01:31:03,306
Steve Coogan.

2140
01:31:03,431 --> 01:31:06,015
Oh, you may
also know Steve

2141
01:31:06,098 --> 01:31:08,431
from some of his very good
art house films

2142
01:31:08,515 --> 01:31:09,806
that have been
very well reviewed

2143
01:31:09,931 --> 01:31:11,348
by some of
the broadsheet newspapers.

2144
01:31:11,431 --> 01:31:13,723
Steve Coogan.

2145
01:31:14,806 --> 01:31:16,806
Thanks. Thank you.

2146
01:31:16,931 --> 01:31:18,223
A - ha!

2147
01:31:18,306 --> 01:31:21,015
Somebody will shout that out.
One of my Welsh relatives.

2148
01:31:21,098 --> 01:31:22,890
Yes, yes.

2149
01:31:22,973 --> 01:31:24,556
Alan Partridge.

2150
01:31:25,531 --> 01:31:28,839
Very much alive
compared with a...

2151
01:31:29,128 --> 01:31:33,248
with our good departed
friend Rob Brydon.

2152
01:31:33,283 --> 01:31:36,765
Rob was an interesting guy,

2153
01:31:36,890 --> 01:31:38,015
very funny,

2154
01:31:38,098 --> 01:31:42,056
very entertaining,
and yet, at the same time,

2155
01:31:42,181 --> 01:31:43,973
there was something...

2156
01:31:44,098 --> 01:31:47,598
Although he made me laugh
and made us all laugh, I think,

2157
01:31:47,723 --> 01:31:50,931
there was something about him
that was lost,

2158
01:31:51,015 --> 01:31:55,931
something about him that seemed
unable to confront

2159
01:31:56,056 --> 01:32:00,265
the reality of life,
and so when I think of Rob,

2160
01:32:00,390 --> 01:32:03,890
I think of him with both a smile

2161
01:32:04,015 --> 01:32:06,890
at some of the funny,
pithy one-liners

2162
01:32:06,973 --> 01:32:09,306
he would come out with
on Radio 4 panel shows,

2163
01:32:09,431 --> 01:32:14,306
but also for the man inside,

2164
01:32:14,431 --> 01:32:17,682
because we find behind
every little,

2165
01:32:17,760 --> 01:32:22,894
pithy, vaguely amusing
joke is a cry for help.

2166
01:32:25,265 --> 01:32:26,515
Not gonna finish there,
are you?

2167
01:32:26,598 --> 01:32:29,390
- I won't finish there, no.
- Jesus Christ.

2168
01:32:29,473 --> 01:32:30,931
Um...

2169
01:32:33,598 --> 01:32:38,681
But of course, let's not
remember a man who was lost,

2170
01:32:38,765 --> 01:32:41,598
desperately trying
to legitimize his life

2171
01:32:41,681 --> 01:32:44,973
by doing silly voices constantly
and not confronting the truth.

2172
01:32:45,098 --> 01:32:47,431
Let's remember
the other side of Rob,

2173
01:32:47,515 --> 01:32:50,223
the Rob Brydon the entertainer,

2174
01:32:50,306 --> 01:32:55,765
the Rob Brydon who gave
some levity to our life

2175
01:32:55,848 --> 01:32:59,931
and helped us avoid confronting
the harsh realities

2176
01:33:00,056 --> 01:33:03,556
and helped us avoid looking
at the brutal reality

2177
01:33:03,640 --> 01:33:04,931
of what life is.

2178
01:33:05,056 --> 01:33:07,181
All right, talk about
some of the characters.

2179
01:33:07,265 --> 01:33:09,265
Some of the characters.

2180
01:33:09,348 --> 01:33:11,640
Who can forget his Tom Jones
impression?

2181
01:33:12,890 --> 01:33:14,015
Who can forget that?

2182
01:33:14,098 --> 01:33:16,765
Think I better die now.

2183
01:33:16,890 --> 01:33:18,265
You could say that.

2184
01:33:18,348 --> 01:33:20,515
Think I better die now.

2185
01:33:20,598 --> 01:33:21,931
- That's good.
- Yeah. I know.

2186
01:33:22,056 --> 01:33:24,640
Well, I'll take over
when you're...

2187
01:33:24,765 --> 01:33:26,390
I'll do plenty of Tom Jones
when you're dead.

2188
01:33:26,515 --> 01:33:27,431
Don't worry about that.

2189
01:33:27,515 --> 01:33:30,056
Hoo.

2190
01:33:30,140 --> 01:33:31,431
Oh, well, thank you.

2191
01:33:31,556 --> 01:33:33,056
Oh, you're welcome.

2192
01:33:33,181 --> 01:33:34,390
But there'll be affection there.

2193
01:33:34,473 --> 01:33:38,431
I'd... I would never
stick the knife in.

2194
01:33:38,556 --> 01:33:40,765
I might just, like,
tickle you with a knife.

2195
01:33:40,890 --> 01:33:42,015
That's all good sport.

2196
01:33:42,098 --> 01:33:43,931
Exactly. Exactly.
Exactly. Exactly. Exactly.

2197
01:33:44,056 --> 01:33:45,931
Should it go the other way.

2198
01:33:46,015 --> 01:33:47,931
It's okay. We don't...
I'm not asking you to do that.

2199
01:33:48,056 --> 01:33:48,931
Let's move on.

2200
01:33:52,306 --> 01:33:53,765
No, I'm just saying,
if it did...

2201
01:33:53,890 --> 01:33:55,348
- Yeah, that's all right.
- I would be...

2202
01:33:55,431 --> 01:33:56,765
That's okay.
I don't need to know.

2203
01:33:56,848 --> 01:33:59,265
I'd rather that it be a mystery.

2204
01:34:02,306 --> 01:34:03,515
Oh, don't run it.

2205
01:34:03,598 --> 01:34:05,306
- What? What?
- Don't run!

2206
01:34:05,431 --> 01:34:07,765
- Why?
- There'll be moss.

2207
01:34:07,848 --> 01:34:09,140
Fucking hell.

2208
01:34:09,265 --> 01:34:11,140
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

2209
01:34:11,265 --> 01:34:16,098
You've got stuck halfway
towards your destination!

2210
01:34:16,223 --> 01:34:18,723
You're stuck in a metaphor!

2211
01:34:18,848 --> 01:34:21,890
I'm not.

2212
01:34:22,015 --> 01:34:24,390
You'll... Ooh!
Ooh!

2213
01:34:27,723 --> 01:34:28,973
Oh, fuck!

2214
01:34:33,140 --> 01:34:34,181
Fuck.

2215
01:34:34,265 --> 01:34:36,056
It's a metaphor!

2216
01:34:36,140 --> 01:34:40,431
It's not a metaphor!
Fuck.

2217
01:34:40,515 --> 01:34:41,931
Fuck.

2218
01:34:44,598 --> 01:34:46,806
You looked at home
in the water.

2219
01:34:46,931 --> 01:34:49,015
I could see you
perhaps branching out

2220
01:34:49,098 --> 01:34:50,723
into more action roles.

2221
01:35:02,931 --> 01:35:04,598
How come you've left
your black pudding?

2222
01:35:04,723 --> 01:35:07,848
I don't dislike it,
but I'm never sure about it.

2223
01:35:07,931 --> 01:35:10,723
I just naturally don't go to it.

2224
01:35:10,806 --> 01:35:12,306
That's 'cause there's
risk involved.

2225
01:35:12,431 --> 01:35:13,681
There's a taboo.

2226
01:35:13,765 --> 01:35:15,806
Mmm. Mmm!

2227
01:35:17,598 --> 01:35:19,348
This is just...

2228
01:35:19,431 --> 01:35:21,806
really...

2229
01:35:21,931 --> 01:35:24,765
glorious.

2230
01:35:24,848 --> 01:35:28,265
A sunny day in England
with a fried breakfast.

2231
01:35:28,348 --> 01:35:30,098
It doesn't get much better.

2232
01:35:30,181 --> 01:35:32,390
This is nice, but if I'm being
very honest with you,

2233
01:35:32,473 --> 01:35:34,890
I'm looking forward
to being home now.

2234
01:35:34,973 --> 01:35:36,140
You and me both.

2235
01:35:36,265 --> 01:35:40,140
The most important thing
to me is that I have...

2236
01:35:40,265 --> 01:35:44,515
that my children are healthy,
that I am healthy so...

2237
01:35:44,598 --> 01:35:46,431
That's more important
than any work,

2238
01:35:46,556 --> 01:35:48,348
any award, anything like that.

2239
01:35:48,431 --> 01:35:50,265
That actually puts everything
in perspective.

2240
01:35:50,348 --> 01:35:52,306
I dare say you'd throw away
all your awards if it...

2241
01:35:52,431 --> 01:35:53,306
I'd throw them in a river.

2242
01:35:53,431 --> 01:35:54,640
If you could exchange them

2243
01:35:54,765 --> 01:35:56,806
for knowing your children
would live a happy, long...

2244
01:35:56,931 --> 01:36:02,265
I would happily
throw all my awards in a river,

2245
01:36:02,390 --> 01:36:03,390
not the sea.

2246
01:36:03,515 --> 01:36:04,931
Corrosion.

2247
01:36:05,015 --> 01:36:07,181
No, they're gonna corrode,
but if I threw them in a river,

2248
01:36:07,265 --> 01:36:08,515
if push came to shove,

2249
01:36:08,598 --> 01:36:12,181
I could hire a team of
scuba divers to retrieve them,

2250
01:36:12,265 --> 01:36:15,681
but, you know, the gesture
is the important thing.

2251
01:36:15,765 --> 01:36:17,265
No, the family's
more important.

2252
01:36:17,348 --> 01:36:19,265
No, family's more...
of course it is.

2253
01:36:19,390 --> 01:36:21,181
I mean, if it was a choice
between winning an award

2254
01:36:21,265 --> 01:36:26,431
and my child being healthy,
I would absolutely, you know...

2255
01:36:26,556 --> 01:36:29,515
Other way around, what if...

2256
01:36:30,973 --> 01:36:35,056
If you were to allow
your child to have an illness,

2257
01:36:35,140 --> 01:36:37,931
you could win, say, a BAFTA.

2258
01:36:38,056 --> 01:36:39,431
You could have a film BAFTA if...

2259
01:36:39,556 --> 01:36:41,223
an illness the child
would recover from

2260
01:36:41,348 --> 01:36:42,473
but would have some discomfort.

2261
01:36:42,598 --> 01:36:43,890
- No.
- Yeah?

2262
01:36:43,973 --> 01:36:45,098
That's a disgusting idea.

2263
01:36:45,223 --> 01:36:46,931
Let me up the stakes.

2264
01:36:47,056 --> 01:36:50,056
Oscar, best actor.

2265
01:36:50,181 --> 01:36:51,223
Eh, best actor, Steve.

2266
01:36:51,348 --> 01:36:54,306
What, for having an ill child?
Of course not.

2267
01:36:54,431 --> 01:36:57,515
- Not to...
- What kind of illness?

2268
01:36:59,265 --> 01:37:00,765
Appendicitis.

2269
01:37:02,181 --> 01:37:03,098
What, I mean...

2270
01:37:03,181 --> 01:37:05,181
So they get...
"Oh, my stomach.

2271
01:37:05,265 --> 01:37:06,931
Oh, my stomach's really hurt.
Where's Dad?"

2272
01:37:07,056 --> 01:37:08,181
"Oh, he's on location. "

2273
01:37:08,265 --> 01:37:09,931
"It's really hurting,
really hurting, ah. "

2274
01:37:10,056 --> 01:37:11,306
Doctor comes in.
Off to hospital.

2275
01:37:13,098 --> 01:37:15,140
"Ooh, I'm weak. "
Then they're better.

2276
01:37:15,265 --> 01:37:16,306
Meanwhile,

2277
01:37:16,431 --> 01:37:20,681
"Academy Award winner,
Steve Coogan. "

2278
01:37:25,223 --> 01:37:28,556
Hmm?

2279
01:37:28,640 --> 01:37:31,265
Ah, now we glimpse
the real man.

2280
01:37:31,390 --> 01:37:33,056
What do you mean?
I'm just... what do you mean?

2281
01:37:33,181 --> 01:37:36,473
I'm thinking about it.
I was thinking it through.

2282
01:37:36,598 --> 01:37:40,223
I think the answer's probably
I still wouldn't, probably.

2283
01:38:02,931 --> 01:38:05,890
- Very nice.
- Yeah, lovely.

2284
01:38:05,973 --> 01:38:07,431
Lovely place to grow up,
you know?

2285
01:38:13,723 --> 01:38:16,508
- Hello.
- Hello.

2286
01:38:17,098 --> 01:38:18,306
- Nice to see you.
- Nice to see you.

2287
01:38:18,431 --> 01:38:20,140
- Hello.
- This is Rob.

2288
01:38:20,265 --> 01:38:21,723
- Lovely to meet you.
- Lovely to see you.

2289
01:38:21,806 --> 01:38:22,890
- Come in.
- Thank you very much.

2290
01:38:23,015 --> 01:38:24,556
- This is Molly.
- Nice to see you.

2291
01:38:24,640 --> 01:38:26,056
- Hey.
- Oh, what a lovely house.

2292
01:38:26,140 --> 01:38:28,056
Are you all right?
Oh, that's all right.

2293
01:38:28,140 --> 01:38:29,140
Hello.

2294
01:38:29,265 --> 01:38:30,640
This is Bernard, me dad.
This is Rob.

2295
01:38:30,765 --> 01:38:31,723
Nice to meet you.

2296
01:38:31,848 --> 01:38:33,765
Just saying
what a lovely house it is.

2297
01:38:33,890 --> 01:38:35,140
Rob Brydon off the telly.

2298
01:38:35,265 --> 01:38:37,515
Oh, there he is straightaway.
Look. Hall of fame.

2299
01:38:38,848 --> 01:38:40,306
Yeah.

2300
01:38:40,431 --> 01:38:42,306
Ooh, and a daughter.
She's a bonnie lass.

2301
01:38:42,431 --> 01:38:44,640
That's not a daughter.
That's our Steven.

2302
01:38:44,765 --> 01:38:46,681
Yeah, he's just trying
to be funny.

2303
01:38:46,765 --> 01:38:48,473
Making a joke, yeah.

2304
01:38:48,598 --> 01:38:50,223
Well, he is funny, isn't he?

2305
01:38:50,348 --> 01:38:51,348
Well, on occasions.

2306
01:38:51,431 --> 01:38:52,765
I'll go make the tea.

2307
01:38:52,848 --> 01:38:54,181
Oh, thank you very much.
Thank you.

2308
01:38:54,265 --> 01:38:55,348
Oh, this is great.

2309
01:38:55,431 --> 01:38:58,306
- Come on through into...
- Oh, a conservatory.

2310
01:38:58,431 --> 01:38:59,681
Into the garden.

2311
01:38:59,765 --> 01:39:01,806
- No, not the conservatory.
- No politics, thank you.

2312
01:39:06,723 --> 01:39:08,890
All right.
Here we are.

2313
01:39:09,015 --> 01:39:10,515
Tea for the troops.

2314
01:39:10,598 --> 01:39:12,473
- Lovely.
- Thank you.

2315
01:39:12,598 --> 01:39:14,181
This really is excellent.

2316
01:39:14,265 --> 01:39:17,098
Crikey. Crikey. Crikey. Gosh.
This is excellent.

2317
01:39:17,223 --> 01:39:19,723
<i>I've been to Four Weddings
and a Funeral recently,</i>

2318
01:39:19,848 --> 01:39:23,556
and I've not had, gosh, quite
such a substantial brew.

2319
01:39:23,640 --> 01:39:25,265
Oh, dear.

2320
01:39:25,390 --> 01:39:27,348
That's how you started,
didn't you, Steve?

2321
01:39:27,431 --> 01:39:28,806
- It is, yeah.
- With impressions.

2322
01:39:28,931 --> 01:39:30,848
Moved on now?

2323
01:39:30,931 --> 01:39:32,348
Well, yeah.

2324
01:39:32,431 --> 01:39:33,890
Quit while you're ahead,
you know?

2325
01:39:33,973 --> 01:39:36,140
It was a shock to all of us
when he started performing.

2326
01:39:36,265 --> 01:39:38,890
We thought it would be Deborah
or Martin, you know.

2327
01:39:38,973 --> 01:39:40,765
They were always the funny ones,
weren't they?

2328
01:39:40,890 --> 01:39:42,806
Yeah, you were always
the quiet one, weren't you?

2329
01:39:42,931 --> 01:39:44,556
Well, I was in my own
little world, you know,

2330
01:39:44,681 --> 01:39:46,223
sort of, you know, escape.

2331
01:39:46,306 --> 01:39:47,640
I was a daydreamer.

2332
01:39:47,765 --> 01:39:50,765
I used to daydream
constantly as a kid, you know,

2333
01:39:50,890 --> 01:39:53,890
growing up in New York,
and I never thought, you know,

2334
01:39:53,973 --> 01:39:56,431
I'd ever become
a great comedian, you know?

2335
01:39:56,556 --> 01:39:58,765
I just never figured I would,
you know, and...

2336
01:39:58,890 --> 01:40:02,640
whereas I, when
I was growing up in Edinburgh,

2337
01:40:02,765 --> 01:40:04,806
you know, before I became
Commander James Bond,

2338
01:40:04,931 --> 01:40:07,515
for me,
I was quite withdrawn also.

2339
01:40:07,598 --> 01:40:08,723
I, on the other hand,

2340
01:40:08,806 --> 01:40:10,598
grew up in the East End
of London,

2341
01:40:10,723 --> 01:40:13,431
and all I ever wanted to do
was blow the bloody doors off.

2342
01:40:13,556 --> 01:40:15,306
I've had to put up
with this all week.

2343
01:40:15,431 --> 01:40:18,806
Must be exhausting, keeping
all this going all the time.

2344
01:40:18,931 --> 01:40:19,890
Exhausting for everyone.

2345
01:40:19,973 --> 01:40:21,556
Listen, why don't you
stop for lunch?

2346
01:40:21,681 --> 01:40:23,098
Yes, that would be lovely.

2347
01:40:23,223 --> 01:40:25,223
Well, we should push on,
really.

2348
01:40:25,306 --> 01:40:26,473
Oh.

2349
01:40:26,598 --> 01:40:28,140
What route are you taking?

2350
01:40:28,265 --> 01:40:32,390
The... well,
getting on the M60 clockwise

2351
01:40:32,473 --> 01:40:35,515
and then on the M56, M6.

2352
01:40:35,598 --> 01:40:38,848
- You want to watch that.
- Why?

2353
01:40:38,931 --> 01:40:41,181
There's road works all the way
from junction 24 to 27.

2354
01:40:41,265 --> 01:40:43,181
It's terrible.

2355
01:40:43,265 --> 01:40:45,348
You'd be better off
going anti-clockwise.

2356
01:40:45,431 --> 01:40:47,640
Right. Okay. Yeah.

2357
01:40:47,765 --> 01:40:49,473
Yes, well, it's as broad
as it's long, isn't it?

2358
01:40:49,598 --> 01:40:52,556
- So, yeah, I'll do that.
- Good. Good.

2359
01:40:52,640 --> 01:40:54,015
- Really nice to meet you.
- God bless.

2360
01:40:54,098 --> 01:40:55,223
- Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
- Cheerio.

2361
01:40:55,348 --> 01:40:58,598
- Bye-bye.
- All right, see you, Mum.

2362
01:40:58,681 --> 01:41:00,306
How's Mischa?

2363
01:41:01,931 --> 01:41:03,265
She's in America at the moment,
yeah.

2364
01:41:03,348 --> 01:41:04,848
Oh, we thought
she'd be coming with you.

2365
01:41:04,931 --> 01:41:06,015
I know.

2366
01:41:06,098 --> 01:41:07,473
We're going through
a bit of a hiatus.

2367
01:41:07,598 --> 01:41:08,556
Oh, dear.

2368
01:41:08,681 --> 01:41:10,056
Rob's the substitute
girlfriend.

2369
01:41:10,140 --> 01:41:11,848
Oh, I hope not.

2370
01:41:13,681 --> 01:41:15,015
How's work?
Anything coming up?

2371
01:41:15,098 --> 01:41:18,306
Yeah, I've got a TV series
in America possibly, so...

2372
01:41:18,431 --> 01:41:20,015
- Really?
- Great.

2373
01:41:20,098 --> 01:41:21,181
Well, it would mean

2374
01:41:21,265 --> 01:41:22,848
spending a lot of time
over there, though.

2375
01:41:22,931 --> 01:41:24,181
That's the problem.

2376
01:41:24,265 --> 01:41:26,431
If you need anybody
to carry your bags around.

2377
01:41:26,556 --> 01:41:28,390
All right. Okay.
See ya, Dad.

2378
01:41:28,473 --> 01:41:30,515
Right. Yeah.

2379
01:41:30,598 --> 01:41:31,598
Oh, bye.

2380
01:41:31,723 --> 01:41:33,181
Now, listen, you take care
of yourself.

2381
01:41:33,265 --> 01:41:34,598
It's okay.
Nothing to worry about.

2382
01:41:34,723 --> 01:41:35,931
- All right.
- Everything's fine.

2383
01:41:36,056 --> 01:41:36,931
Bye, love. Bye.

2384
01:41:37,056 --> 01:41:37,931
See ya.

2385
01:41:38,056 --> 01:41:39,723
- Car's locked.
- What?

2386
01:41:39,806 --> 01:41:40,765
Locked.

2387
01:41:40,890 --> 01:41:43,806
Oh, sorry.
I thought I pressed it.

2388
01:41:54,598 --> 01:41:55,973
Bye.

2389
01:42:00,265 --> 01:42:03,181
Come on, let's get in.

2390
01:42:05,765 --> 01:42:08,056
So have you made a decision
about America?

2391
01:42:08,140 --> 01:42:10,265
Will you stay, or will you go?

2392
01:42:10,390 --> 01:42:12,515
I'm not gonna...
I don't know.

2393
01:42:12,598 --> 01:42:14,723
I love Mischa,
and I want to be with her,

2394
01:42:14,848 --> 01:42:18,265
but... I don't really want
to talk about it, to be honest.

2395
01:42:18,348 --> 01:42:20,556
You don't want
to talk about it.

2396
01:42:20,640 --> 01:42:22,556
You want to talk about
things you've gone through?

2397
01:42:22,640 --> 01:42:23,765
No no.

2398
01:42:23,890 --> 01:42:25,431
Though it's hurting me,
now it's history.

2399
01:42:25,556 --> 01:42:28,931


2400
01:42:29,056 --> 01:42:32,723

all my cards

2401
01:42:32,806 --> 01:42:36,473

what you've done too

2402
01:42:36,598 --> 01:42:39,931


2403
01:42:40,056 --> 01:42:44,056


2404
01:42:44,181 --> 01:42:47,098


2405
01:42:47,181 --> 01:42:49,890


2406
01:42:50,015 --> 01:42:51,931
That's a shiver down my arms
whenever I hear that...

2407
01:42:52,015 --> 01:42:52,931
Thank you.

2408
01:42:53,015 --> 01:42:54,306


2409
01:42:54,431 --> 01:42:58,140


2410
01:42:58,265 --> 01:43:00,431


2411
01:43:02,723 --> 01:43:03,806


2412
01:43:03,931 --> 01:43:05,098

I'd be strong there

2413
01:43:05,223 --> 01:43:06,848
Belonged there.
Belonged there.

2414
01:43:06,931 --> 01:43:09,056
-
- I figured...

2415
01:43:09,181 --> 01:43:10,348


2416
01:43:10,431 --> 01:43:12,806


2417
01:43:12,931 --> 01:43:14,765


2418
01:43:14,848 --> 01:43:18,265


2419
01:43:18,390 --> 01:43:19,473


2420
01:43:19,598 --> 01:43:21,723

strong there

2421
01:43:21,848 --> 01:43:23,598


2422
01:43:23,681 --> 01:43:24,598


2423
01:43:24,681 --> 01:43:25,848


2424
01:43:25,931 --> 01:43:28,556


2425
01:43:28,640 --> 01:43:32,890


2426
01:43:32,973 --> 01:43:36,640

takes it all

2427
01:43:36,765 --> 01:43:40,223


2428
01:43:40,348 --> 01:43:41,681


2429
01:43:41,765 --> 01:43:43,098


2430
01:43:43,223 --> 01:43:44,098


2431
01:43:44,223 --> 01:43:48,931


2432
01:43:49,015 --> 01:43:50,890
Wow. Wow.
I was up there.

2433
01:43:50,973 --> 01:43:51,890
Yeah.

2434
01:43:51,973 --> 01:43:52,931
I was up there.

2435
01:43:53,015 --> 01:43:54,223
I think you strained
a little bit.

2436
01:43:54,348 --> 01:43:55,306
I did strain. I did strain.

2437
01:43:55,431 --> 01:43:56,556
But I have a wonderful range.

2438
01:43:56,681 --> 01:43:58,640
- People... I could have done opera.
- How many octaves?

2439
01:43:58,765 --> 01:44:00,723
I don't know. Five. Five.

2440
01:44:00,806 --> 01:44:03,140
- Five? Five?
- How much is an octave?

2441
01:44:03,265 --> 01:44:04,223
All right, two.

2442
01:44:04,348 --> 01:44:07,181
Two... Pavarotti struggles
to do five.

2443
01:44:07,265 --> 01:44:08,181
One. One. I do one.

2444
01:44:09,265 --> 01:44:11,348
Three.
I don't know...

2445
01:44:11,431 --> 01:44:13,223
I don't know how much
an octave is.

2446
01:44:13,306 --> 01:44:15,098
Just get your lowest note.

2447
01:44:15,223 --> 01:44:16,931


2448
01:44:17,056 --> 01:44:18,556
Hang on. Wait. Wait. Wait.
That's not it.

2449
01:44:18,640 --> 01:44:20,556
- Get your lowest...
- Well, yes!

2450
01:44:20,640 --> 01:44:23,973


2451
01:44:24,098 --> 01:44:24,973
Okay, do an octave up.

2452
01:44:25,098 --> 01:44:27,473


2453
01:44:27,598 --> 01:44:28,473
No, do an octave up.

2454
01:44:28,598 --> 01:44:30,098
Well, how much is an octave?

2455
01:44:30,223 --> 01:44:31,431


2456
01:44:31,556 --> 01:44:33,390
It means just the same note,
but an octave higher.

2457
01:44:33,473 --> 01:44:34,390
Hey, listen.

2458
01:44:34,473 --> 01:44:36,140


2459
01:44:36,265 --> 01:44:37,390
That's an octave up.

2460
01:44:37,473 --> 01:44:39,056
All right, but don't do it
as Roger Moore.

2461
01:44:40,140 --> 01:44:41,598


2462
01:44:41,723 --> 01:44:43,265
Come, come, Mr. Bond,

2463
01:44:43,390 --> 01:44:45,890
you enjoy singing an octave
just as much as I do.

2464
01:44:45,973 --> 01:44:48,306
When I sing an octave up,

2465
01:44:48,431 --> 01:44:51,473
I sing it for queen and country.

2466
01:44:51,598 --> 01:44:52,556
Although, I admit...

2467
01:44:52,681 --> 01:44:53,890
Although, I admit,

2468
01:44:53,973 --> 01:44:56,765
singing an octave up with you
would be a pleasure.

2469
01:44:56,848 --> 01:44:59,265
Listen, it's do, re, mi,
fa, sol, la, ti, do,

2470
01:44:59,390 --> 01:45:00,598
and the next "do"
is an octave up.

2471
01:45:00,723 --> 01:45:03,223

la, ti, do

2472
01:45:03,348 --> 01:45:04,973
That's an octave up
from the first "do. "

2473
01:45:06,265 --> 01:45:12,098

la, ti, do

2474
01:45:12,223 --> 01:45:13,348
No. What?
Do...

2475
01:45:13,431 --> 01:45:17,973

la, ti, do

2476
01:45:18,098 --> 01:45:22,473

la, ti

2477
01:45:22,598 --> 01:45:25,056


2478
01:45:25,140 --> 01:45:26,931
Three.

2479
01:45:27,015 --> 01:45:29,140
Three.
Three.

2480
01:45:32,181 --> 01:45:35,306


2481
01:45:35,431 --> 01:45:37,265


2482
01:45:37,348 --> 01:45:40,556
-
- Terry Wogan is doing it now.

2483
01:45:40,681 --> 01:45:42,765


2484
01:45:42,890 --> 01:45:45,015
They'll be doing
the floral dance.

2485
01:45:45,098 --> 01:45:46,306


2486
01:45:46,431 --> 01:45:48,265

la, ti, do

2487
01:45:48,348 --> 01:45:49,431

sol, la, ti, do

2488
01:45:49,556 --> 01:45:50,431


2489
01:45:50,556 --> 01:45:51,681


2490
01:45:51,765 --> 01:45:52,848
That's not... that's...

2491
01:45:52,931 --> 01:45:55,306

Oh, fuck.

2492
01:45:55,431 --> 01:45:56,515
You're terrible.

2493
01:45:56,598 --> 01:45:58,306
Terrible.

2494
01:45:58,431 --> 01:45:59,890
I beat you. I beat you.
I beat you.

2495
01:45:59,973 --> 01:46:02,015
I... yeah.

2496
01:46:17,431 --> 01:46:22,015
You all right with the...
you all right with your bags?

2497
01:46:22,098 --> 01:46:23,848
- All right.
- Well, thank you very much.

2498
01:46:23,931 --> 01:46:24,848
Thank you very much.

2499
01:46:24,931 --> 01:46:26,265
Really appreciate
you doing this.

2500
01:46:26,390 --> 01:46:28,265
- Cheers.
- All right.

2501
01:46:28,390 --> 01:46:30,390
- Let's have a hug.
- Okay. All right.

2502
01:46:30,473 --> 01:46:32,390
Ah.

2503
01:46:32,473 --> 01:46:33,390
Really good. Really good.

2504
01:46:33,473 --> 01:46:34,390
No, no, I enjoyed it a lot.

2505
01:46:34,473 --> 01:46:35,390
And then, yeah.

2506
01:46:35,473 --> 01:46:37,431
All right, you're a good bloke.

2507
01:46:37,515 --> 01:46:38,931
I don't care
what they say about you.

2508
01:46:40,015 --> 01:46:41,931
- I'll see you.
- Okeydoke.

2509
01:46:42,056 --> 01:46:45,598
Give me a ring, and we'll,
you know, we'll get together.

2510
01:46:45,723 --> 01:46:47,806
- All right, mate.
- We could... all right.

2511
01:46:47,931 --> 01:46:49,265
Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

2512
01:46:54,140 --> 01:46:55,681
- Ah.
- Hello.

2513
01:46:56,765 --> 01:46:58,890
The traveler returns.

2514
01:46:59,015 --> 01:47:00,556
Oh.

2515
01:47:00,681 --> 01:47:01,598
Hello.

2516
01:47:01,681 --> 01:47:02,598
Mm, sorry.

2517
01:47:02,681 --> 01:47:04,640
I've missed you.

2518
01:47:04,765 --> 01:47:05,640
We both missed you.

2519
01:48:37,723 --> 01:48:39,390
So how was he?

2520
01:48:39,515 --> 01:48:41,348
He was his usual self.

2521
01:48:42,431 --> 01:48:43,431
His usual self.

2522
01:48:57,431 --> 01:48:59,056
<i>This is Mischa.</i>

2523
01:48:59,181 --> 01:49:00,681
<i>Shut up.</i>

2524
01:49:00,765 --> 01:49:01,890
<i>I'm Steve.</i>

2525
01:49:02,015 --> 01:49:02,931
Mm.

2526
01:49:03,015 --> 01:49:05,431
This is delightful.

2527
01:49:05,556 --> 01:49:07,265
One of the most
delightful meals,

2528
01:49:07,390 --> 01:49:12,348
one of the most delightful
homecomings I've ever enjoyed.

2529
01:49:13,931 --> 01:49:18,931
Oh, well, it did stick
to the bottom of the pan a bit...

2530
01:49:19,056 --> 01:49:21,431
- Did it?
- Yeah.

2531
01:49:21,515 --> 01:49:23,890
Yes, might have to
give you a bloody good spanking.

2532
01:49:23,973 --> 01:49:25,098
In fact, I was rather hoping

2533
01:49:25,223 --> 01:49:28,390
I might stick to the bottom
of your pan later.

2534
01:49:37,598 --> 01:49:40,306
<i>You've reached the office
of Matt Jacobs at WP.</i>

2535
01:49:40,431 --> 01:49:42,598
<i>Neither Matt nor his assistant
are here to answer your call.</i>

2536
01:49:42,723 --> 01:49:43,973
<i>Please leave Matt a message,</i>

2537
01:49:44,098 --> 01:49:45,640
<i>and he will get back to you
as soon as he can.</i>

2538
01:49:45,765 --> 01:49:46,640
<i>Thank you.</i>

2539
01:49:46,765 --> 01:49:47,681
beep!

2540
01:49:47,765 --> 01:49:48,681
Hi, Matt.

2541
01:49:48,765 --> 01:49:49,931
This is Steve calling

2542
01:49:50,056 --> 01:49:52,431
just to say
I've thought it over,

2543
01:49:52,515 --> 01:49:56,931
and I'm not gonna do
the HBO pilot.

2544
01:49:57,015 --> 01:49:59,056
I'm not gonna spend
seven years in the U.S.

2545
01:49:59,181 --> 01:50:02,098
I've got kids.

2546
01:50:02,181 --> 01:50:04,640
Yeah, that's it.
Bye.

2547
01:50:04,765 --> 01:50:07,431
- Mm.
- Mm.

2548
01:50:07,556 --> 01:50:10,056
I don't like
being away from you.

2549
01:50:10,181 --> 01:50:12,598
No, I don't like
you being away from me.

2550
01:50:13,681 --> 01:50:14,598
Oh.
Hello, there we are.

2551
01:50:14,681 --> 01:50:15,598
There we go.

2552
01:50:15,681 --> 01:50:19,390
All present and correct.

2553
01:50:24,806 --> 01:50:29,390
I think three days
should be the maximum

2554
01:50:29,473 --> 01:50:30,723
that I stay away for.

2555
01:50:30,806 --> 01:50:32,473
Mm-hmm.

2556
01:50:32,598 --> 01:50:34,931
Not this long.